THE SILENCE OF OUR LOVE STORY

07

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JAI CHOSEN

". . So how's my daughter, doc?" Mom questioned in a fretful tone of voice as if she was thinking that I might leave her. 

At first, I kinda like the way she acts all concerned and all but then as hours passed, parang mas natatakot na ako kay mommy. Parang siya na ang napa-praning sa aming dalawa.

"Well, it's a good thing that your daughter's honest. She told her what she was feeling and what her emotions were. And base on what we understood on her situation, she just got excited and confused her emotions. The excitement emotion might seems new to her kaya bigla siyang sumigaw nang wala sa oras. blablablabla. . . "

And there they go again, explaining things that I don't want to even udnerstand. Why can't they just go outside and talk things out there. They don't have to talk right in front of me. Oo na, hindi nga ako normal. Alam ko na 'yon. Tanggap ko na.

"Just give her some rest for now. Let her figure out her emotions and let's explain things to her slowly." 

As they left and shut the door of my room, I rolled my eyes and sighed. 

What a waste of time.

.

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And then tomorrow came in an instant. It was a day after the day I've done. I hadn't entered my class since my parents told me I should take a week break. 

I took all my painting equipment's and so as a clean canva and sat near the window. 

I could here the clock ticking. The birds chirping outside. There weren't much kids outside since it was still three in the afternoon.

As I started sketching and what I wanted to paint a sudden realization popped out from my head.

What if. . . Someone will never like me fully? 

I mean. . could they even understand me and my disorder? Could they bear my fretful desires? I don't even know how to love someone. I mean, what do lovers actually do?

Do they usually kiss and have a baby? DISGUSTING!

Does love. . . Really need efforts? What if I won't give the person I love what he wants? Pa'no kung. . Hindi ako sapat para sa kaniya? I don't even know how to give some effort on someone.

I don't even know how to love someone.

What if they'd just. . . give up on me on an instant?

I heard ate Jia crying at night because her boyfriend broke up with her. I don't understand and I don't want to understand a relationship. It's a hassle.

Too much hassle.

While thinking, I realized that I was already sketching something. I was already sketching the teenage boy I saw yesterday.

My heart skipped a beat and a sudden weird feeling entered me. . "Ho. . . HOW'D I EVEN DRAW HIS FACE?" I yelled in a low tone of voice, making sure that no one but myself could hear me.

Tears started to flood my eyes, "How'd I. . . Did I do this?" 

I smiled and continued sketching. 

Yes. I was the one who did this. I was the one who sketched it. I was the one who draw it. Pero hanggang. . . Dito nalang siguro ako. Hanggang sa pag pipinta lang. Maybe. . Hanggang dito nalang talaga ako, adoring someone I really love.

I don't want to understand people. It's. . . such a buzz. It bugs me. What if both of us doesn't want to understand any. 

What if lagi nalang kami mag away? After courting, we get married? And after that? Have kids? Booo. . No fun.

I can't even get to travel alo-- 

*TICK!
"Ay!"

Bigla naman akong napatigil sa pag mumuni-muni nang biglang nagulat ako. Did someone just threw a pebble on to my window? 

I looked outside the window and there wasn't a bird. So it wasn't a bird-- I flinched when suddenly a small rock hit my window again,
*TICK!

"Hey!" I uttered with anger in my tone of voice. 
SINO BA 'TO?!

Napatingin naman ako sa ibaba where I saw a group of teenagers laughing. 

My knees suddenly. . . felt like it wanted to kneel for a second. It felt like it suddenly. . wanted to run? It suddenly felt numb.

Nagulat naman ako nang biglang. . the teenage boy that I kept adoring, smiled and waved at me. He was directly looking at me.

He was with his friends too. They were laughing and teasing him. But it isn't four in the afternoon yet. Why are they even here? What are they doing here?

I swallowed a lump of thorns in my throat. Tears started to shed. I don't know what to feel. Should I cry? Yell? What do normal teens do whenever they see someone they like outside their house? 

I waved my hand gradually while tears kept falling from my eyes. 

The teenage boy that I was adoring had a curious look on his face, while he placed his index finger on to his left eye and dragged in down to his face representing a tear. It was like he was asking me why am I crying.

I. . I don't know what to say. What to do. 

I- is mom and dad here? I want to go down and talk to him for a while. I want to have a word with him.

"Jai? Are you sleeping?" Bigla naman akong nagulat nang biglang bumukas ang pinto.

"Ah- n- no." I then closed the window with my curtain and turned around in an instant "Why? Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, just nothing." Yaya Kea stated with a smile on her eyes.
"Uminom ka na ba ng tubig?" She questioned in the most sweetest tone.

She has the most sweetest tone in this house. It feels a bit creepy but it feels like you're in heaven whenever you're with her.

"Bakit ka ba andiyan? Mag pe-paint ka ba sana?" TAnong niya naman.

I nodded and smiled. "Ah, opo."

"Iiwan ko lang dito ang pagkain mo ah? Ice cream ito. Drink lots of water after."

And after that, yaya Kea left without any more words to say.

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