THE SILENCE OF OUR LOVE STORY

04

JAI CHOSEN

-A dream to be remembered-

I looked at the front window and saw a car almost bumped us and hit the car at our left side instead. Mag U-turn sana ang sasakyang naka bangga. 

"Tanga naman nitong driver! Nasa wrong lane e! Mag U-U tun nalang." Ani naman ni ate Jia. I removed both of my earphones and sighed as I saw dad and the other 2 drivers.

I looked outside my window and saw a teenage boy who seems like a bit a year or two older than me. Timing rin, napatingin din sa akin ang lalaki. My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met. 

Have I. . . Met you before?

Ngumiti naman siya sandali sa akin at agad niya namang binawi ang tingin niya sa akin. He went back looking down. I bet he's playing his phone? Maybe.

But his. . face. Ah- Maybe I've been staring on to him for a bit too long now. 

I looked down on to my phone and swallowed a lump on my throat. His face do look so familiar. I know him. I do. But where? 

"MY SON IS IN THERE! PA'NO KUNG INATAKE SIYA SA PUSO DAHIL SA INYO?!! HA?!! HAVE YOU EVER GONE THROUGH DRIVING LESSONS?"

The teenager pulled the window down taking my attention. "MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH. Let's go now." Wika naman ng lalaki.

B- boses niya. Fa. . Familiar. COULD IT BE?? 

Could it be? . . No. . You can't. I thought. . You only lived on my imagination only. 

.

.

. . SFX: *Page flips.

"Jai, have some meat, here." Ani naman ni Granddad habang tinuro naman ang mga iba't ibang meat na nasa harap ko.

I smiled, "I- it's okay." Wika ko naman.

Ika dalawang beses ko palang nakasama si Granddad kumain kasama ang pamilya ko. We don't do this often because of my disorder. My family pays more attention sa disorder ko kesa sa family bonds namin.

The nurses kept assisting me on eating, para naman akong pungkol tignan. I look pathetic, I know. But what else can I do? 

"What happened, dear?" Tanong naman ng step grandmom ko.

"Nothing much." I replied in short words. It's not because I don't like her as being my step-grand mom but. . We're not actually that close. Parents naman kasi nina mommy, mahilig makipag usap. E ako naman, laging nakakulong sa kuwarto. So, wala ako masyadong social skills HAHAH

"She's still scared about what happened earlier." Ate Jia opened up.

And there she goes again with her mixed and made up stories that aren't true. Making me look even more pathetic. 

"OH, REALLY?? Nako, apooo! Are you traumatized? Ali dito, sit with grandmom! Come here." And just like that, within a snap, people act like I'm the victim every each day.

I appreciate grandmom and granddad's works and all. The way they treat me and my family is awesome. However. . What I don't like the most is they treat me as if I'm. . . Not part of this family. It just hurts a bit.

"Jai. . You need to speak out more often. You need to tell us what's going on. . blablablablabla. . ." -Grand mom

"That's right. We're a family here. . blablablabla" -Grand dad

I just don't really care what they say. We're a family here, they say. But they don't even care what or how I feel whenever I get locked up inside my room. All they tell me is because of my disorder. All their reasons are BECAUSE OF MY DISORDER. 

I just want to go home and sleep-- Sleep. . Sleep. . MY DREAM! My dream. . The teenage boy earlier. 

How can I even forget him? I just want to curse out loud, cry or express this crazy feeling I've been dealing with since earlier. 

I can't express it through words. I can't express how happy I am. So he- HE IS REAL! POTANGINA! HE IS REAL! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! It's killing me, alright. It's making me-- Ho. . How can I see him again? Can I still see him one more time? 

.

.

. . Meeting grand mom and dad was memorable-- I guess. But I can't forget what just happened earlier. 

Pag pasok ko naman sa kwarto ko, agad naman akong naligo at dali dali naman akong bumalik sa portrait ko. 

"HE'S FUCKING REAL! " I yelled in a low tone of voice. Tila kinikilig ako na hindi ko maintindihan. I took all my painting materials and the portrait. I prepared myself, trying my best to rememebr the face of the teenager quite well.

He. . He. . He has. . .
 "MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH. Let's go now." 

. . . W-. . . What? He has. . . HE WAS HANDSOME! I KNOW! HE WAS HANDSOME!

I took a deep breath and tried to calm down for a bit. I drank water and tried my best to remember his features again. "He was handsome. He has. . He has eyes-- Great beautiful eyes."

I looked outside the window with my forehead creased with a worried look on my face. He was handsome. But why. . . Why can't I remember him? "MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH. Let's go now."

"MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH. Let's go now." I dreamt him multiple times. I know it. I saw him. I saw him more than once already.

I looked at the reflection of myself on the window, from there, I could see tears dripping from my eyes. "Wh. . Why am I crying?" I laughed softly. "Why am I acting this way?"

I bite the lower part of my lip. Still trying my hardest to remember his features. "I know his face."

*Sniffles. 
"MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH. Let's go now."

"I saw you. . " I stood up and walked closer to the window while holding some paint brushes on to my other hand. "But I saw you. H. . How come I couldn't remember you?"
I then bit the lower part of my lip again. I KNOW YOU!! I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER YOU! I COULD STILL HEAR YOUR VOICE FROM EARLIER!

I wiped all my tears away. "I just. . Want to remember your face. That's all I'm asking. I want to know who you are." 

Seconds later, nagulat naman ako nang biglang may tumulo sa kamay ko. I thought I wiped all my tears away--  "B. . . Blood." I touched my lips for a second and as I saw my finger, there was blood.

"WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER YOU?! SON OF A BITCH!" I sat on the floor and threw the paint brushes that I've been holding.
"AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"

"JAI??" Bigla namang bumukas ang pinto at agad ko namang narinig ang boses ng mga nurses at doctors ko.

They then assisted me on standing up. And the other saw my lips, asking the other nurse to get the first aid kit and some medicine.

"Jai? What happened? Could you tell us what happened?"

"JC! JC! Are you alright?"

"Hey. . It's okay. You don't have to yell. What's wrong?"

"Stop asking a lot of questions. You're scaring her even more."