Darcy and her father return back to their old stomping grounds of New York City. With her, Darcy brings habits of being reclusive. She is perfectly content spending most of her time within the walls of her father's café and sees nothing wrong with t...
I shut my eyes and imagined the others downstairs with their families. Emery and Rayna who came with their parents. Kristy with her younger brother, dad, and step-mom. Albany with her parents and her four other siblings. I imagined them with their families, then I imagined mine.
I imagined Papa.
Papa, who has a growing number of pills he has to take daily.
Papa, with his cane that he sometimes refuses to use even though he clearly needs it.
Papa, who is here now but one day won't be.
Alone and away from others, I let the tears fall with no reservation. My knees felt weak, and I felt to the floor as if the weight of my feelings had finally pulled me down.
"I don't want to be alone, Papa. I don't want to lose you. I'll have no family. I don't want to be alone again," I cried.
Throughout today, as I watched Josie grieve for Miss Sylvi, I wondered how the weight of losing Papa would affect me. I imagined dark scenarios I shouldn't have and fed to the already festering fear that I've had since those girls from my school began to point out Papa's older age.
"Darcy, honey. Now you listen to me," Papa said. He tried for several moments to soothe me until I reached a point where the tears dried cold on my cheeks and I sat, sniffling, on my knees.
"God forbid you leave this earth before I do. I'd trade my soul to the darkness to let you have a long, happy life when I'm gone. And so there will be a time when I become your north star in the sky. And while I may not be physically there for you, you will never be alone, honey. You have surrounded yourself with people who will never let you be alone again."
As he said that, the door to the backyard slid open. Through the gaps in the balcony, I saw Chris and Reece step out and call my name out into the darkness.
"Doesn't look like she's out here, little man," said Reece.
"I'll double check down at the basketball court," Chris replied. The backdoor slid shut as Chris jogged forward and towards the steps. I called out to him.
"There you are!" he exclaimed, glancing up at me. "Come on down, Darce! Jessica said she has a dessert she's sure you'll love."
I smiled and stood, hoping the darkness hid my tear-stained cheeks. "'Kay. I'm just talking to Papa and then I'll be right down."
When Chris opened the door once more, he called "Reece! I found her, she's just up on..." His words faded as the door closed behind him.
"You know what Reece said to me once?" Papa said. "Blood doesn't make a family. Love does. And you are surrounded by so much love, my girl. And you will always have mine, no matter where I am."
"Yes, Papa," I whimpered. "I understand. I'll see you soon."
"See you soon, my little north star."
My hands fell loosely to my sides as I hung up. I looked to the sky, then back down. From up here, Kristy was right. I had the most perfect angle of the basketball court and the chalk art below.
Sylvia Our Angel.
I smiled. Sylvia, an angel before she even became one.
Before joining the others, I made my way down from the balcony and down the steps towards the blacktop. The floor was covered in chalk, and I wondered how many days of rainfall would it take to wash it all away.
I kneeled down and pressed a hand to the V in Sylvia.
"Thank you, Miss Sylvia," I whispered. "I'm ready to go home."
Home. To my papa, to my friends, to my coworkers. Back to the greatest gift of all: this beautiful, wonderful life that Sylvia had gifted me.
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hi, friends <3 i hope you enjoyed the chapter. i feel so relieved to be finished. this chapter was so fucking difficult. please let me know if it was okay, i really can't tell at this point. either way, thanks for being on this long journey with me. may 16, 2018 was actually when i first began re-writing MD so you guys have actually been with me throughout my college career as i've worked with this story. i'm so proud to have gotten this far and i'm excited to keep going.
the biggest, fattest CONGRATULATIONS to anyone else who's graduating along with me. YOU DID THAT AND DESERVE TO CELEBRATE IT. it feels surreal to be graduating in less than 24 hours. college was actually a really bad time for me, and i'm afraid to repeat those bad times in graduate school. but let's all trust in the magic of new beginnings, shall we?
since i am starting graduate school on monday, i'm unsure when the next update will be out. i'll be navigating through that and i'll keep you updated, of course <3
chapter question: what does this year hold for you? what do you plan to do/want to do?
i love you guys so much. thanks so much for being with me on this rollercoaster of my life. i hope you guys will stick around for this new journey i'm about to begin.
gonna go graduate now xx
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