Supernova (bxb)

Chapter 28 - Epilogue

I sighed, not ready at all. I didn't want to leave the house, I didn't want to go over to Asher and have this talk, but I got myself in this situation, now I had to do this. I put on my leather Jacket, walking over to Jasper who sat on the couch, watching me, since he too did not feel peachy about this at all. He stood up, laying his hands on my waist as he clenched his jaw, looking at me. "I still don't think you have to do this...I know how you feel, but still, this is your decision" Jasper said and I gulped, also wrapping my arms around his waist. I mean he was right, but I still felt like I owed Asher. 

"Yeah but...he's my alpha and my best friend, I just feel like I need to get his opinion. If he tells me not to do it, then...I don't know, I guess I will have to do what a good beta would do" I said and Jasper sighed, before he kissed my cheek. He knew that my alpha's opinion was sacred to me and especially about something like this, that did concern him as well, I needed to have a talk. I felt sick and I just wanted to get this over with, but who knew how that talk would go. "I know I can not change your mind, but I do know Asher and think highly of him, so I'm sure he will support you or rather us. That's the only reason I am not interfering more" he said, a small smile on his lips and I let out a weak chuckle, even if that was the last thing I felt like doing. 

"Well thanks" I just said a little sarcastically and Jasper leaned in, kissing my lips and sending me his support. I knew that he only wanted what was best for me and objectively speaking he was right, it was our decision, but still...I needed to have this talk with Asher or else I would never forgive myself. It was long overdue anyway. "Good luck, you can do this" my mate said, holding my face between his hands and I massaged his sides, looking at him. Yes, he was right, I could do this, I just had to find the courage to do so. I nodded, kissing him one more time, before I walked towards the door, leaving our house. Well the one in my pack. 

I took deep shaky breaths, as I walked over to the packhouse, something which I hadn't done in a while, since I would normally take my motorcycle anywhere I went, but now...well it was too dangerous. I had my hands in the pockets of my jacket, feeling as nervous as I hadn't felt in years. I just hoped that Asher wouldn't yell at me or throw me out the pack just for asking, that was all I wanted. Well I did also want him to approve, but in my opinion, those chances were very low. I felt like everybody was looking at me weirdly, even thought the people passing me were just minding their own business, but that was how nervous I was. I was just on the edge, you know? 

I reached the packhouse, feeling more nervous than ever, as I took deep breaths, wanting to throw up. Ah Jesus fuck I hated this. I rang the doorbell, since now that Asher and Riley had little Harvey, they locked the doors just to make sure their son was safe and I got that, but it mean no more coming into the house unannounced. Buzz killers. But on the other hand I understood them, they had a child now and wanted to keep their son safe, so I guess it was fine. I waited in front of the door, debating on if I should just turn around, shift and run away, yeah, that was how nervous I was. Jesus fuck I hated this. 

Why oh why did this happen to me? Why did I have to stand here right now? It really wasn't fair. I craved my alphas approval and respect more than anything in the world, well expect for my mate, but it was still unbelievably important to me. And maybe after today, that dream would be gone. Asher could hate me and I hated that fact. But when the door opened and my alpha stood in front of me, I knew that there was no turning back now. I couldn't run away anymore, I just had to do it. 

"Hey Pax, whats up? We didn't call for a meeting today, did we?" Asher asked, looking relaxed, since it was his day off and he apparently just wanted to relax and I would be destroying that now, but fuck...I just needed to get this off my chest. Time was also key here and I had been running away from this talk for far too long. It was long overdue. "Uhm no we didn't but uhm...I have to talk to you about something and it's...kind of important" I said and Asher looked a bit worried at that, since my tone was this serious and I mean...the topic was just that.