Shielding You From Sorrow♡

Chapter 24

"Nothing dad". A tear escaped from my left eye.

"You don't need to pretend that everything is fine in front of me. You can cry pran. It's okay to cry for you to at least clean your heart. Go on and release the burden inside you". He soothe my back as his words made me cry.

I feel weak right now. I don't know, I feel fine but it feels like I'm not. I think I'm fine but why's there something inside me telling me that I'm not fine. It feels like I'm happy and contended but I still feel that something is not right.

"Cry it out love, dad's here". He said as the silence embraced us. Only my sobs is now getting louder.

"Daddy I don't want to feel it anymore. It's okay for me to feel pain but the feeling of longing and sorrow that's the feelings I don't want to feel dad. I feel weak for I don't know the reason is. I feel empty, all I just wanted now is to take a break but damn that break dad. Two years ago I also said those line dad. I WANTED TO TAKE A BREAK but look at me still suffering from that reason". I rant refused to look at his eyes.

My heart are shattered into pieces a long time ago. I badly wanted to fix it and bring it back as a whole again but I couldn't cause I am too weak.

"Two years pran. Two years since you went home but those two years we rarely see you smile. We're longing at the old Lisa we knew. My daughter is a happy go lucky and it breaks my heart seeing how you changed because of love. Pain changed you and if I could bring back the time I wouldn't let you met her". He uttered weakly. 

My dad is my role model since I was a kid.

I used to see him as a brave man.

A flawless man who can face every obstacle that may come into his way.

But because of me....

He looks so weak in front of me.

"I-I'm sorry dad. I'm sorry if I changed. I....am too...... selfish not to think that I have.... parents that will worry about me. I'm sorry... I'm sorry.... I'm sorry". I said between my sobs.

My eyes are now hurting cause of too much crying.

Dad held me into an embraced and let me cry all the pain out. He soothes my back from time to time to make me calmer.

"Daddy I'm sorry". I once again said.

"You don't need to be sorry. I was the one who should say sorry. I'm sorry for not protecting you. I'm sorry Lisa if you went through this". He's saying sorry without doing something wrong.

"In order for you to move on and for her to grow you need to at least let go of her hand first". He held my hand and played with it.

"How dad? How can I let go of her when she has my heart. She breaks it dad and I want her, no I need her to fix my heart first for me to move on". 

I don't blame her for everything cause I am aware of my own faults too. I risked, I'd put myself at risk even though I know from the start that I will fail.

I'd take the risk to play this game when in the first place I knew I'd fail and make this battle a defeated.

"Aren't you tired breaking your own heart baby? Aren't you tired feeling that pain almost everyday and every night? Lalisa, I was there when those night that you are over thinking. I was there when you drove yourself to sleep after you cried for an hour. I was there when those nightmares hunt you. Aren't you tired?". Mom came out from nowhere.

What I hate the most is seeing pity in someone else's eyes.

I don't want to be pitied and I don't want to look pitiful in their eyes.

So I composed myself and tried to bring myself back.

"You're late mom. The drama is now over". I laughed at my mom who's now looking at me confused.

I smiled and face both of them.

"Daddy thank you. Thank you for helping me ease the burden inside me. Thank you for being my strength when I feel weak. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on". I sincerely said and hugged him not to tight and not to loose.

"Mommy thank you for staying by my side when no one else was. Thank you for comforting me and giving me shelter". I kissed my mom's cheeks and sat in front of them.

I held my parents hand.

"Just thank you for everything. And I am sorry as well for giving you pain". I squeezed both of their hand and they smiled at me.

"Feel fine now young lady?". Dad asked me smiling now.

"Yes dad. All thanks to you". I point at him and swag like old Lisa would always do.

"What about me guys?". We heard mom said.

"And of course thanks to this beautiful woman". I said smiling.

"That's my daughter. Feels weak but can manage to be strong. My unbothered queen. Heads up princess life is still beautiful and out of seven billion people in the world someday you'll find your the one". Mom advice me which make me feel fine, really.

Two years nini,  just give me some time to think. Give me a chance to clear things out and if things turn to the other way around I will set you free and give you what you truly wants.

There's a lot of reasons to give you up but I still find one reason not to cause I made a promise. 

And a promised must be fulfilled. 

I won't ever prove to you that promises are meant to be broken.

And that promised, I will fulfill it everyday even if it cost for me to lost myself all over again.

It's been two years and I still love you.

I will always be nini.

2 years apart no new and still you........