Half a heart without you

Can we both remove the masks?

"...Would he hold you when you're feeling low?
Baby you should know that I would (oh)
I would, yeah
I would yeah", Zayn finishes the song off and walks towards the back of the huge stage to the mini water bottles. The fans are cheering, screaming, jumping in all directions and either waving their hands in the air or holding their phones to take pictures. What a view- I'll truly never be able to get used to, or comprehend it, let alone ever be able to express my unlimited gratitude for it all. My thoughts get cut off by Liams loud voice due to the microphone and gigantic stadium speakers-

"Wow, thank you, Washington! That was 'I would'! Thank you for singing along Washington! You've been amazing tonight!Wow, thank you again for having us!" ,Liam shouts into his red mic and articulates with his hands to emphasize how huge this crowded arena is tonight. It really is breathtaking.

"Off to you, Tommo?", he jogs over in Louis' direction from behind grinning, then unloads half of his water bottle onto him. I internally giggle. These 'Lilo' water fights (as the fans call them- I saw it trending once on Twitter for a whole week!) will forever be funny. Especially funny when Louis doesn't see them coming like right now and due to the coldness of the frozen water bottle, his whole back visibly shivers and he groans into his microphone and laughs hard

"Very funny, Payno, veeeeery fun, lad!", he laughs, shakes his head while showing Liam the middle finger.

The whole crowd fell into an uncontrollable laughter. The whole stadium is filled with ecstatic laughing but nothing tops Nialls horrible laughing fit- yes, he anything and anyone amuses him, but anything regarding Liam and Louis has him thrown on the ground, white teeth shown due to his huge grin, moving his whole body uncontrollably, tears running down his cheeks. And just like right now, he has a hard time keeping himself from bursting into a hysterical laughter. But who am I to complain about his joy and happiness? Sometimes- more like most of the times- when I feel unhappy and depressed, his laughs are the only thing that get me out of my misery  and I love him for that.

Oh Nialler, I think to myself...

"So, now that Mr. Payne has had his hilarious fun, " his signature ironic tone was shouted into the mic and that had the audience laughing and screaming again"...I'd love to sing for you a personal fave off our second record," and for some reason his tone changed noticeably from funny and rebellious to hurt and scared "...especially after previous happenings that had occurred in my life recently, this song has grown to be a very meaningful lyric. This is 'Over Again'."

Oh. Damn.

As if on command, Liam and Niall, with his guitar in his hands, started off the song

"Said I'd never leave her
'Cause her hands fit like my t-shirt
Tongue-tied over three words, cursed
Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt
Bodies intertwined with her lips"

The whole crowd, consisting of thousands of beautiful people, had turned their phone on flashlight modus and were swaying their arms in the air, singing the lyrics together and simply living in the moment and enjoying it to the fullest. The sight warmed my heart.

I sang my part, mesmerized completely by everything around me

"Again, we take the same road, two days in the same clothes
And I know just what she'll say if I make all this pain go
Can we stop this for a minute?
You know, I can tell that your heart isn't in it or with it"

Then, it was his turn...

"And tell me with your mind, body and spirit
I can make your tears fall down
Like the showers that are British
Whether we're together or apart
We can both remove the masks
And admit we regret it from the start"

...and what I then saw totally shocked me. No, shocked is an understatement. What I saw in his eyes, I simply couldn't believe. I thought I was hallucinating. But hearing his angelic voice break a bit, confirmed it.

His eyes were tearing up. His voice broke one or two times.

A wave of nervousness, shock and sadness overcame my entire body and soul. I heard my heart beating due to how fast and hard it was hammering into my chest, I really felt my heart pain so badly. My world collapsed seeing his little tears dribble down his eyes subtly and his neck veins so vibrant. I was starstruck- in a bad way- and didn't know what to do. The only thing that calmed me down a bit, was the fact that I think no one noticed in that moment. Yeah maybe the fans will, once they look through the videos one other time, but I think for now, no one- not even Liam, Zayn and Niall- had actually noticed. Niall was sat on the bottom of the two-leveled stage with the fingers of his right hand blessing the strings of his guitar, preoccupied with hitting the chords correctly, Liam had his hand around Zayn, sitting with their back to Louis and was swaying to the melody. So, they really didn't notice...? That's a good thing, right? What's less a good thing, is the fact that I couldn't, just couldn't go over to Lou and press his body into mine and wrap my hands over his back, ensuring him we'll be alright. I'd simply be too suspicious. Especially now, that anything him and I do is under an exact microscope... and I hate it. Oh I hate it..

All my rambling made me forget my surroundings. Namely, that the song has come to an end. The last thing I see before he rushes off the stage into the backstage area, is him wiping something of his face with the back of his hand. Tears. He wiped off his tears. His precious tears. Oh, fuck. He's really hurt.

I don't know what to do...

And again, this lil thing's dedicated to a lovely and kind young girl  emily_stylnsn

Side note: as I was about to press "publish" Louis tweeted and that legit made my day

Question: has Louis ever responded to you tweet?