Wounds of My Heart

01. Pumpkin

"Adira hurry up!" I hear my dad calling for me downstairs. Anger lingering in his tone, making me hurry up. "I'm almost done!" I reply while quickly tying my shoes.

I'm definitely not almost done.

I really spent over 20 minutes trying to chose an outfit, overthinking every single aspect- every single possibility. Would I feel comfortable? Do I look fat? Is my skin showing too much? What if I have to run and this outfit won't let me, I better be prepared.

I decided on just wearing a cute white oversized t shirt with my comfy blue jeans and my favorite sneakers. I let my wet hair down, hoping it won't be all fluffy when it dries.

Monday. What a happy day.

I'm always in a bad mood on mondays. Actually, I'm in a bad mood everyday but specially on mondays.

But today I have decided it would be a great day. My mom has always told me to be positive so positive things come to me, so I'll try that because I'm tired of just being in a bad mood every single day.

I grabbed my things and quickly headed downstairs where my dad was impatiently waiting for me.

"What took you so long? We all are late now and it's all your fault. Why can't you.." I just stopped listening. I'm tired of hearing him say how stupid I am and how its my fault. It's always my fault.

Well that whole 'positive day' thing is over before it even started. I wish his words wouldn't affect me- wouldn't scare me, but they do every time, even if it's nothing new.

"I'm sorry dad." I say avoiding his angry gaze that I'm so scared of.

I said goodbye to my mom and headed outside with my dad who is dropping me to school. My school isn't that close to just walk to it, I mean I could do it, but it would take me a long time, and I'm honestly scared of going for a long walk alone. I'm way to paranoid for that.

So, I'm so thankful my parents care enough to drop me.

I sat in the passenger sit and look through the window all the way to school. As soon as I caught a glimpse of a familiar building, I unbuckle my seatbelt.

"Thank you dad, see you later!"

"Have a good day." He says and I just nod at him while I get out of the car. I see how his car goes away and I head inside school.

Oakley high school. Even the name is shitty.

7:52a.m. 8 minutes before my class starts. My dad is so dramatic, I thought we actually were late.

I head to my class and take a sit in my usual lonely spot in the middle of the classroom. I don't like sitting at the really front because I feel all seen, but I don't like sitting at the very back because I can barely see or hear anything, so the middle is perfect for me.

I do great in all my classes, it's not like I'm the typical nerdy girl that has the perfect grades and studies all day, but I've always been really good, even if it cost me part of my mental health.

I guess my grades and hard work is the only thing I'm proud about myself.

I partly do it because I don't want my parents to be disappointed or mad at me because I did bad at school. They always say it's my only obligation and I should do my best. So I guess that's what I do.

It's not like I have anything better to do anyways.

I barely have any friends apart Jess, my best friend since middle school, and the only one that hasn't left me yet.

Call me dramatic or whatever but it makes me sad things have changed. I mean we are still friends and hang out sometimes, but she has more and different friends that she spent more time with now. I mean I do know more people around here too, but they are more of 'school friends', if that even makes sense. I just miss the simpler and happier times with her.