Forbidden Hope | H.S.

24

If there's one thing her mom's wrong about is that I've never been in her house with just her. I think the first time I was ever in her house was during the first investigation when Niall and I were trying to see how it was unfolding.

Eventually, we get back to base and Niall heads off to meet up with the other boys and I'm left with the task of delivering Athena's clothes.

I go up to my floor and head to the opposite end of the hall and put the code Niall gave me into the scanner which grants me access to his apartment.

I push the door open and look around not seeing Athena which means she's most likely in her room. I head upstairs and see only one door closed so I knock on it.

"Athena, it's Harry." I hear shuffling but the door doesn't open. "Athena I'm coming in, okay?" I tell her and I turn the doorknob opening the room.

I look around and see Athena sitting in the corner with her knees pressed to her chest and her face pressed to her thighs. I walk in carefully and sit down across from Athena tapping her knee to get her attention.

"I have some things for you that you might like," I say gently, opening my bag and starting to pull out some clothes. "I got you some clothes. How about you go and change into them so you don't have to wear Niall's clothes anymore. Yeah?" I tell her.

Her head lifts avoiding eye contact with me as I hand her the clothes, whispering a thank you before she gets up and leaves the room. I pull out the rest of her clothes and leave them on her bed as she walks back in.

I clear my throat handing Athena the picture, "Uh I saw this in your room and thought you may want it." I walk to the door and am just about to close it when I hear my name. I open the door and look Athena in the eyes.

"Thank you," she says before looking back at the picture.

"No problem," I respond before closing the door and leaving Niall's apartment. Luckily I just have to walk down the hallway to my apartment putting my hand on the scanner opening the door.

The apartment is quiet and I notice that Hope isn't downstairs so I'm assuming she's upstairs in my room.

I head up and open the door immediately getting hit with heat. The bathroom door is closed and the shower is running so maybe she's just taking a shower.

I pull the items I grabbed from her dresser and put them into my dresser and I hear the showers still running.

She should be out by now, right?

I knock on the door and call her name but get no response. I open the door and see her sitting against the wall with her head in her hands as the water beats down on her.

"Fuck Hope!" I blurted out as I reached into the shower to turn off the water, crouching down next to her.

"Jesus Hope! That can burn you! Why is it so hot?" I chastise her trying to get a response but she's still frozen in place. "Hope! Answer me!" I demand and all I get is her lifting her head at me.

She looks back down "Turn it on" her voice null of any emotion.

"What! No!" I yell at her. She lifts her head and her pupils are starting to dilate reminding me of the time when I pissed her off and she knocked me down.

"Turn it on!" she tells me more forcefully and if steam could be coming out of her ears she'd be a train.

"No! Hope!" I yell back, grabbing the closest towel and trying to wrap it around her. She shoves me off of her and stands up trying to turn the water back on but I'm quicker and grab her arms pulling her against me as she thrashes.

"I said turn it on!" she screams, flailing against me. I manage to wrap my arms around her waist as I press my chest into her back and her fists hit at my sides.

I start to walk back towards the wall and make my way to sit bringing her in between my legs as she still screams at me to turn it on. I lock my legs over hers making her legs stop moving but her upper body still thrashes against me.

"Why do you want me to turn it on so badly!" I yell at her and her body continues to flail.

"Because I deserve to feel the pain! I deserve it!" she yells, her elbow hits my stomach knocking the breath out of me, allowing her to free herself. She clambers over me reaching towards the shower and getting the water on.

I stumble and grab her before she can make the water hotter, and she slips falling to the tile as I climb on top of her holding her hands above her head as the water beats down onto my back.

"You don't deserve the pain, Hope! Why do you think that!" I try to reason with her but she continues to struggle, her pupils completely blown.

She's blacked out

She screams again "Because I deserve it, Harry! All I do is fuck up! Everything around me is falling apart; my family, my friends, my world! And I'm the one standing in the center of the ruins!" She screams again flailing and the water finally begins to turn cold.

"Hope stop, you don't deserve this. Calm down." I plead with her but nothing seems to be working.

"Get off of me!" She yells again, I keep my hold on her and hope that she tires herself out soon. My hair is falling in front of my face and the cold water is dripping onto her.

After what feels like hours her screams turn into sobs and I pull her into my chest cradling her under the cold water.

"Shh, it's okay," I whisper running my hand through her hair.

"It's not okay Harry. As long as I'm alive everyone I love is going to get hurt." she whimpered out.

"Don't say that Hope. It's not your fault." I stroke her hair as she cries. Eventually, she calms down enough so I can get up. I turn off the water and wrap a towel around her shivering body.

I strip off my wet clothes leaving me in my boxers and I walk out of the room grabbing one of my shirts, and a pair of her underwear. I head back in and see she's just numb to everything. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and leave my hand on her cheek.

"I'm going to put you in some clothes now okay?" I tell her and she just stays silent. I put the shirt over her head first and bring her arms through letting the clothing drop down enough to cover her as I remove the towel and pull her underwear up her legs, not looking at her body.

I lift her body slightly so I can get the fabric onto her hips, snapping it into place. I wrap one arm under her knees and one arm behind her back lifting her and walking into the bedroom and placing her down onto the bed.

She sits up as I grab a pair of boxers before going into the bathroom and slipping those on while trying to find a hairbrush. I find one under the sink and go back into my room finding her in the same spot as before.

I sit behind her on my knees and begin brushing the knots out of her hair. I run my fingers through her hair when it's done and wrap my arms around her shoulders bringing her down onto the bed with me.

Her head rests on my chest and her hand is placed just below my swallow tattoo as she cuddles up into me.

My left arm moves mindlessly up and down her back stroking her spine as my right arm strokes her hair. There's a comfortable silence between us as we know there are no words to say.

I look down at her and see her eyes are closed and her chest is rising up and down evenly. I study her face for the longest time. The freckles on her face, the curve of her nose, her eyelashes.

She's so beautiful.

I don't know when I started falling for her, all I know is I did.

But at the end of the day, I knew I wasn't enough. Whatever I did wasn't enough. Whatever I said wasn't enough. I simply was never going to be enough for her.

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Okay first of all less than a week ago I just barely broke 300 reads and now we're almost at 500! I seriously cannot thank you guys enough for reading it means a lot to me. Secondly, my third quarter just ended and the fourth quarter is starting so I will be busier than usual with school. I will still try to update once a week but if I miss a week I'm so so sorry. Anyways, thank you so much for reading!