Serendipity

Chapter 38

"It's you that i don't understand, Kiana! Do you really have to hurt yourself this much na pati pagkumbinsi kay Celine na bumalik ay gagawin mo? I never asked you to hurt yourself over me, Kiana! Hindi mo kailangang gawin lahat ng 'to para sa'kin because i am not worthy of it! Any of your tears, i'm not worth it for that..."

Umiling ako. Hindi dapat ganito, e. Why does he have to make it worst everytime?

"You will never understand me, Archer, because you don't know what i feel! So please, hindi dito, kasama ko ang lugar mo kung hindi sa tabi niya! Go back to her... please. Convince her to go home with you... Talk to her... She needs you, so much, as much as you needed her all these years..."

"Pero hindi mo kailangang gawin lahat ng 'to, Kiana! You know that! You should've just stayed away from this! Sana hinayaan mo na lang na ako 'yung umayos ng kung anong meron sa'min ni Celine! You shouldn't have gotten in here just to hurt yourself more than you actually is now!"

"Eh, ano ba kasi talagang gusto mong gawin ko? Ganito ako, e! Ganito ako sa'yo, Archer! Anong magagawa ko? Ganito kita mahalin kaya sabihin mo! Sabihin mo sa'kin kung paano ba kita dapat na mahalin para naman hindi ako nakikisawsaw sa buhay mo!"

His eyes became more dark than how it usually is.

"Ganito ba talaga kababa ang tingin mo sa sarili mo para pumunta dito? Kiana, labas ka rito! It shouldn't concern you anymor-"

"Oo na! Putang ina, hindi na!" Sigaw ko na nakapagpatigil sa kaniya.

Muli ko siyang tinalikuran pero muli na naman niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko. Wala siyang binitawang salita kaya naman dahan-dahan kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. Pakiramdam ko, unti-unting napupunit ang puso ko dahil sa bigat ng pakiramdam.

"Don't you ever try to go after me again, Archer, because from now on, i will stop chasing after you..."

Tinalikuran ko na siya at tinakbuhan. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako humugot ng lakas para sabihin ang mga 'yon but i have to stand with it. Kailangan kong panindigan ang sinabi ko.

Simula ngayon, kahit gaano ko pa kagusto, kailangan ko nang tigilan kung ano mang meron sa'min ni Archer. Even our friendship.

Celine saw us earlier at kung sa amin ni Archer ay wala lang 'yon, alam kong iba ang tumatakbo sa utak ni Celine. I'm sure na ang emosyong nakita ko sa mga mata ni Celine kanina ay selos... sobrang selos.

That's why i have to make the first step now. Kailangan ko nang ilagay ang distansyang dapat noon pa man ay pinanatili ko na. I cannot let us stay this way anymore because it will ruin him... It will ruin Archer and Celine.

I know that together with this decision, i will lose a lot. I will lose Archer. I will lose everything. But it's okay for me to lose him than him, lose everything that he have.

But it still hurts like hell thinking that i can't have anything in this life. Why can't i have anything? Is it really that hard to give me at least one for myself? 'Yung gustong gusto ko na matatawag kong sa'kin. 'Yung kahit wala akong gawin, alam kong hindi makukuha ng iba because that is the only thing that is meant for me.

The only thing that is already written on the stars that is just meant for me. I wouldn't ask for anything anymore as long as i have it. I have him... as long as i have Archer.

Kinuha ko ang cell phone ko. I always feel guilty everytime that shit happens to me and he's the only person that i can run into pero sa mga ganitong oras, siya lang ang kilala kong tao na handa akong damayan sa oras na sobra na akong nasasaktan.

"Kiana?" Nag-aalalang tanong niya mula sa kabilang linya.

Hindi ko nagawang sumagot. Todo pigil pa rin ako sa pag-iyak kahit ang totoo, hindi ko na kayang pigilan pa 'yon.