Here For You - A WolfStar Fanfiction

Part 15 - Pictures of Me

TW: Homophobia. Panic attack. 

I will put a note in bold when it starts and finishes

Time Skip – Later that evening

Sirius

They had spent the afternoon cooped up in their dormitory, explaining what Millie had said to the other two Marauders, and then convincing James not to hunt her down right that moment.

The Marauders walk silently towards the great hall. James and Sirius in front, and the other two behind. This is possibly their last meal without the whole school knowing about their relationship, and whilst they aren't ashamed of it, they have no idea how the school will react. They didn't want to encourage any rumours that may have already began to circulate.

Sirius makes eye contact with Remus before they enter, silently assuring them that it would be okay. The hall is filled with its usual lively chatter as they enter. Sirius sighs in relief at the fact that nothing terrible happened. He didn't really know what he was expecting, but it was something bad.

TW: Homophobia.

As they walked down towards an empty spot at the Gryffindor table, Sirius noticed a figure stand on a chair out of the corner of his eye. A familiar, high pitched laugh echoes throughout the hall, followed by "Awww! Look at the little fagies!" Bellatrix. Maybe the rumours had gotten further than they had thought.

The whole great hall was silent, bar the Slytherin table, most of whom were laughing and calling out similar things. He even hears a few slurs whispered from the other tables too.

End TW: Homophobia

Sirius stood there. Frozen in place. He is unable to move until a set of footsteps brings him back. He looks behind him to see Remus running off. Without even thinking, Sirius runs behind him, trying to catch up, but Remus is fast. Sirius calls out to him, "Remus! Wait!"

Remus

TW: Panic Attack 

It's too much. Every word. Every laugh pierces through Remus' skull, into his brain. His heart rate quickened. His chest was so tight it felt as if it was going to squeeze his organs to the point of explosion. He barely noticed what was happening as he ran out of the hall and down a nearby corridor. His heart rate continued to climb, as he lost all connection to the world around him. The few sounds were muffled. His vision became blurry. His mind racing. Why do they know already? Were they going to hurt him? Were they going to hurt Sirius? Remus had never felt so unsafe.

Suddenly, he heard a voice call his name. It made him stop running. The voice made him feel safe again. He fell down onto a nearby staircase, Sirius right next to him. It must have been his voice. Sirius gently grabbed his hands, bringing him back. Slowly, his senses cleared. He felt himself crying. Big ugly tears fell down his face with the force of rocks during a landslide. He felt hideous.

"Hey, look at me," Sirius began. "I'm sorry that happened. You deserve a perfect world, and I'm sorry you didn't get that today."

Remus still struggled to speak, so he dropped his head into Sirius' chest as if trying to hide from the world. Sirius wrapped his arms around him, holding him softly enough so that he didn't feel trapped, but strong enough so he felt safe.

"I should be sorry," Remus whispered into Sirius' robes. "I'm the reason she did this. And I'm the one saturating your shirt with my ugly tears."

End TW: Panic Attack 

"Don't be sorry. We all have our flaws, but Moony," he lifted Remus chin gently until their eyes met. "This isn't one of yours. And you hold no fault. At all. Okay?"

Remus nods, smiling through his tears. He loved Sirius so much.

"Are you going to be okay?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah," Remus smiled. "I will be."

"Then come with me," Sirius pulls him up. He drags a confused Remus up to their dormitory. "I want to show you something."

When they finally made it to their dormitories in Gryffindor tower. Remus asked, "What's this about?"

Sirius answered him, "I think you deserve the world. And before you say anything, I know you don't believe it. I know you don't see how beautiful you are, so I wanted to show you how I see you."

Sirius then proceeded to look through his trunk. Finally pulling out an old notebook.

"Now I must warn you," Sirius smiled. "What you are about to see is something I swore I would never show you, due to its embarrassing nature. So, you can't tease me." Sirius then flipped to a page in the notebook and handed it to Remus who gasped. Sirius had drawn him. He was reading a book. His legs crossed. His face had a look of curious joy. And he didn't look awful. In fact, Remus had to admit that he looked pretty decent. Around him were hearts and some adjectives. Some of which were brave, loyal, smart and troublemaker. There were also other things like stubborn, reckless and werewolf. The traits and things Remus liked less about himself. These words were surrounded with just as many hearts and smiles as the other words.

"I used to draw to destress," Sirius explained. "I hadn't done it in almost a year when I picked it up again. I love this drawing because it details everything about you. And I like you a lot. All of the things written there included."

Remus felt his heart swell. "You drew this on Christmas," he stated, noticing the date in the corner.

"Yeah, after you came out," Sirius looked down, almost ashamed. "I know I didn't react super well. I'm sorry. I was just very confused. I had finally worked out I liked you about a month before, and when you came out, it meant I had to deal with the fact that you might just not like me, even though you did like guys. It's not an excuse. I'm sorry."

"I understand. I know how hard that can be. I mean, yeah it sucked at the time, I thought you were going to hate me because of it, but I talked to James, and I was fine. Also, no complaints, if it meant we get to be where we are right now. Because I really like it here."

"Me too." Sirius blushed.

"And trust me, I had the craziest time when I worked out I liked you," Remus smiled shyly.

"Oh yeah?" Sirius prompted.

"I had a dream about you the night before we left for Hogwarts this year. I had no idea what it meant until James was going on and on about Lily and I realised I felt the same about you."

"Really?" Sirius smiled, trying to disguise it as a smirk.

"Yup," Remus blushed.

"Well, I worked out I liked you on a date with someone else." Remus nearly choked on air. "We were stargazing, and the only stars I could think about were your eyes."

Remus was smiling so wide, significant dimples appeared on his bright red cheeks. Could Sirius have really meant that?

"And I have a feeling I have liked you for a lot longer than that without realising," Sirius explained. "If you look through that book you will find all sorts of random drawings. At least that was what I thought they were until I worked out, they were all of you."

Remus flicked through them. "Some of these are from as early as second year." Remus was amazed. Could Sirius have liked him for that long? Even in second year?

"Yeah," Sirius whispered. "You were always irresistible."

Remus leaned in for a deep kiss.

Merlin, he loved this boy. 

//Hello! It's me. I hope you enjoyed this! Also FYI I realised there were a few holes in the story and edited a few things. nothing major changed. The only thing you probably need to note is that the winter ball is actually a spring ball. I am still wrapping my head around how UK school years (and seasons for that matter) work... 

Once again, if there is anything else you think I should add in terms of trigger warnings please don't be afraid to let me know. For this chapter or any other :) 

Love you all :)