𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 | Hyunsung

Twenty - frustrating trees

The thoughts were spinning in Jisung's head. Every single worry had emerged again, making him unable to sleep. The worries kept weighting him down, he didn't know what to do. Despite Aspen's cold hug he couldn't put an end to his thoughts.

He was sitting in his bed, curled up into a ball staring at the wall infront of him. The sleepy feeling caused him to zone off from time to time, yet closing his eyes and sleeping didn't feel like an option.

The happy feeling he got from being with Hyunjin earlier felt distant, like a dream. What if it was all just a dream? A sick feeling swirled up in his stomach, Jisung gripped the bedsheets tightly and took a few deep breaths.

He buried his face in his pillow and let out a muffled groan. Aspen stopped feeling like a comfort and now felt more like a nuisance, which Jisung tried to push away the best he could. But Aspen really was stubborn, as he kept laying his hand on him and stroking his back.

"Aspen, please stop", Jisung muttered lowly, aware of the other sleeping in the room next to him. Aspen growled and continued to provoke him even more by letting out more noises. Jisung teared up and covered his ears "please stop, just, stop."

Jisung started sobbing, the tears left his eyes without end, tear after tear. He removed his hand from covering his ears to wipe away his tears, which barely helped at all.

All the tears, muffled sniffing and the suffering boy was all that Hyunjin could see through the crack in the door, yet it still broke his heart seeing him like this. He seemed so cheerful and friendly during the daytine that seeing him like this felt so wrong. If you only spoke to him once, you couldn't have imagined that you'd ever witness this. And yet, it was just what Hyunjin saw. A poor boy just trying his best to be happy.

He wanted to engulf the smaller in a comforting hug and tell him that everything would be alright. But knowing his own position right now, he couldn't. Jisung expected him to be asleep right now. Maybe he'd think Hyunjin was spying on him? And, Hyunjin didn't even know if he like hugs.

Jisung stood up and began walking towards the door. Hyunjin backed away in shock and quickly hid beside the shelf which was conveniently placed pretty close to his door, his heart beating fast. Did Jisung see him? What would he say? Would he be upset?
The fearful thoughts stopped when Jisung stepped out of his room and went over to the hall, shooting a short glance at Hyunjin's room before slipping on his rubber boots and heading out. Hyunjin sighed out of relief and praised himself for closing the door before getting up. 

Hyunjin quickly put on his shoes as well and gently closed the door behind him, following the other with a distance to stay unnoticed. Soon, they entered a forest, leaving the house behind. The trees were swaying peacefully and the natural sounds sent a shiver down Hyunjin's spine. This was definitely different from the loud noises echoing through Seoul at every hour of the day.

Jisung stopped next to a tree, taking a deep breath and attempting to wipe his tears one last time. The pain had instead turned into anger, and he needed to let it out. He knew that his anger would cause him even more pain. He knew that since last time.

Jisung looked up at the night sky, taking another deep breath. He was completely silent. The only thing Hyunjin could hear was the gentle wind caressing him with grace, almost attempting to calm the atmosphere. It didn't help Jisung however.

Jisung began sobbing again before harshly hitting the tree next to him. He hit it again, then another time. His cries became louder, and soon he yelled out loudly in frustration and pain. He continued punching the poor, defenseless tree until his knuckles were covered in blood and bruises. He eventually calmed himself a bit, embracing the tree and letting his weak knees guide him to sit down. He leaned against the tree and cried, his loud sobs were drowned out by the compact forest and the wind.

Hyunjin stared at him from behind a huge bush, his heart aching at the sight infront of him. Tears were building in his own eyes. Jisung looked so weak and fragile. He wanted so badly to take care of him, but his gut stopped him. He was definitely spying on Jisung right now, he couldn't deny it. He wasn't supposed to see this at all.

Jisung hugged the tree tighter and stroke it carefully before uttering a gently and quiet "i'm sorry." Hyunjin could still hear it from where he was standing, and it confused him a bit. Who was Jisung apologizing to? The tree?

Yet again, his thoughts were interupted by Jisung's actions.

Jisung stood up and began to slowly make his way back home. His gaze was kept at the ground and the tears along his cheeks dried in the wind, leaving only tear stains left. Hyunjin followed him back as he himself had no idea what directions led back to the house. The scariest part was now to get back inside without making Jisung aware of his presence.

Jisung went inside and closed the door behind him with almost no noise emmiting from it, something Hyunjin struggled to do earlier today. He put his ear against the door, listening for any sounds of what Jisung was doing. He could hear him taking off his rubber boots, and his footsteps becoming more distant. Hyunjin tried to listen for a door closing, something to indicate that he had gone back into his room.

After a few minutes, Hyunjin still hadn't heard anything. Just that was enough to make him anxious. His palms felt sweaty and he contemplated wether to open the door or not. It gave him flashbacks from his parents. Whenever he was home a bit too late, whenever they found out he had snuck out just to avoid them, or stayed over at anyone else's place. The thought of his father towering over him with the belt scared him. What if Jisung would hurt him too? What if he was just the same under his innocent heart?

Hyunjin tried to shake the thought off. Why would Jisung do that? He wouldn't do that? Right? With a deep breath and some courage, Hyunjin carefully opened the door. He could see that Jisung's door was closed, he gently slipped off his shoes and carefully closed the door, afraid of being too loud. He managed to close it fairly soundless, making him let out a relieved sigh. He tip-toed back to his own room, looking behind him and making sure Jisung was nowhere to be seen.

Hyunjin hugged Kkami tightly, stroking and playing with his soft fur for comfort. He thought of everything he had seen. He wished he could at least let Kkami sleep in his room, maybe his comfort could make him feel better. Jisung liked Kkami after all..