y/n pov
vinnie has a girlfriend called aaliyáh, they clearly aren't deep in love but i'm guessing neither of them wanted to break it off for some reason. initially me and vinnie were just fuck buddies but i found out he had a girlfriend and i didn't want to be a home wrecker so we stopped seeing each other and him and aaliyáh kept dating. we didn't agree to stop
seeing each other i simply ghosted him
we strictly agreed no feelings. just sex. no affection. no attachment. purely sex. the sex was addicting but i desired and deserved more especially after he failed to mention the fact he had a girlfriend. i had caught feelings, but i couldn't act on them, he's with someone else and i tend to run from reality instead of facing it.
so i did it.
i ran
i've been avoiding vinnie for months simply because i couldn't tell him how i feel.
but i feel like he knew how i felt, we could read each other so easily
i've found someone else now his name
is kieran
and i'm happy
he's nice and he loves me and cares for me but he's not vinnie.
we are in a good relationship and we are kind of in love with each other, maybe i'm just scared to actually realise that i'm with someone else who isn't vinnie.
i feel so restricted. i feel like i'm stopping myself from falling because when i fell vinnie didn't catch me, maybe i didn't give him the chance to catch me i don't know
i feel guilty for leaving vinnie but i couldn't possibly stay and put myself through the agony of watching the person i loved with someone else.
even worse it was unreciprocated ; i know vinnie didn't love me back, i could feel it or at least there was something or someone stopping him
he was killing me in the nicest way possible. and i am simply enjoying, it though it breaks me, it makes me feel a feeling i don't want to get rid of. i can't live without vinnie i don't even know why i tried to run away
it all just seems so surreal
his presence makes me feel things i can't comprehend
it kills me
me and kieran were at a small social event and just when i thought i could escape my past, it all came rushing back.
vinnie.
we locked eyes
i was vulnerable to his gaze as he was mine
the passion. the pleasure. the pain. all the memories came rushing back to me to a point where it gave me a headache.
my breathing was ragged
my eyesight slightly distorted
i was struggling to stand upright
kieran eyed me with concern and i assured him
"i'm fine, just let me freshen up in the bathroom". he nodded his head and sighed in defeat so i quickly rush to the bathroom to recover from my memory relapse.
vinnie pov
there she was.
i'd never thought i'd get to see her beauty again.
the look in her eyes - it was a look of shock and sadness but there was a rare glow of love in her brown orbs.
just to see her again over-satisfies me.
a melancholy look washes over her face as she hastily leaves the place towards the bathroom area.
what is she doing to me? whatever it is i don't think i want it to stop
i can't face the reality of seeing her again
she had every right to run.
i can't help but think i scared her away
i'm not mad. i'm not upset.
whatever we feel for each other is like a drug. addictive? yes. but it kills us slowly, there's a certain extent to which we can survive without each other and we have done it before so why not continue?
she intoxicated me like a drug.
we'd be dangerous together
we'd be dangerous apart
so what's the issue?
i dont want to break her
i don't mind if she breaks me, what i feel for her is indescribable
but it'd be selfish of me to try and rekindle what we had.
i can't face it.
i can't face her.
i can't face my feelings.
i leave.
i ran like she did away from me.
her upset face replays over and over again in my mind and i can't help but think i caused it. so i leave her alone, in peace. to move on with her life, without me.
it's what's best
y/n pov
my breathing becomes irregular.
i find myself pacing the floors as a plethora of questions cloud my mind.
i don't know how i feel
am i upset?
am i happy he came back for me?
what do i do next?
what do i say?
how does kieran feel?
it's too much for me to even think about.
all of my doubts we interrupted by kieran.
kieran.
some part of me wished it was vinnie, so i could explain how i felt for him, i can't just stay here and let my feelings go unsaid
"hey are you alright?you look a bit pale and lost in thought. what's on your mind?" kieran asks
"it's- uh nothing, i'm fine just felt dizzy for a second but i'm alright now" i plaster a fake smile
"i'll meet you back out there yeah?" he says walking towards the door
"mhm" i hum and kieran leaves
i release a breath that i didn't even know i was holding.
i don't know what to say to vinnie but i need to see him.
to be close to him again
to feel his breath again
to stare deeply into his eyes again
just to know how he's doing
i leave the bathroom in search for him
i search and search yet i can't find him, i can't sense his presence, i can't sense the aura he radiates when he's in a room. i can't feel the connection we have when he's close to me.
he's gone.
he left me like i left him.
he's killing me in the nicest way possible. he's ruined me. yet i still want to go back to him
what is he doing to me and why am i enjoying it?
author note
hey! it's been a while...
im's so sorry for the slow updates school is stressing me out
i will try and update more regularly
thank you for all the views and votes and support i love you all so much thank you for everything
i love you
-jordyn
