HEATHER, lee jeno。

🦢 | we'll be alright

kang haneul

days after i told ms. lee about everything, from jeno to germany, i decided to finally tell soobin that i'm going to be in germany after graduation.

almost backing out, just by overthinking of how he would react to such news. but i decided to man up and tell soobin.

after that, we were both a crying mess. i kept saying sorry, and he reminded me it wasn't my fault and it was the world's fault for not making people immortal so that our parents would handle the company forever.

i lightened up at his joke about immortality and suggested we go out to eat ice cream, even in this cold weather.

we both played in the snow, making tons of snowman's and snow angels on the bed of snow. both of us smiled throughout the entire time we spent together.

i looked up to the sky and noticed that it was already night time. i looked over to see soobin making a snow angel, cutely wagging his arms and legs.

i giggled at him, and opened my arms to him, "come on, binnie. it's time to go inside."

he immediately jumps on me, wrapping his arms around my neck and legs around my waist as he buries his face on my neck.

i giggle at the boy, and rubbed his back and entered our home. i carried him up to his room and i let him down on his bed.

"change your clothes before you go to bed, okay?" i reminded him, and ruffled his hair. he nods, already feeling sleepy.

i return to my room and changed to my pajamas. i sat on my chair and began to write on the notebook again, adding the finishing touches to the song as the competition was days away. and our graduation, only weeks away.

i closed my notebook, and heard something hit my balcony door, again. i trudged towards it, and saw that pen, laying there.

opening the sliding door, i picked up the pen. "jeno."

and i was met with that same smile.

pang

there it was again. i thought i was getting used to not seeing you, but right now didn't prove that.

"why'd you throw a pen again?" i ask, handing him the pen, and i suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu all over again.

but this time, his hand didn't touch mine which made me a bit sad.

"oh, i just missed my best friend!" he replies, smiling and sat down on the cold balcony and i did the same.

'of course, i'm only his best friend, nothing more.'

we both talked about the recent stuff that had been going on in our lives, but i left out the part of me going to germany.

i didn't want any of them to know. well, ms. lee and june was an exception. if all of them knew, i would've not taken the offer to go and stayed.

so i'll keep it a secret, until they figure out that i left. i, one hundred percent sure know, that they would hate me for it but what can i do?

my parents are getting old and i have to get rid of these feelings. seems like it was the perfect plan for me to move on.

we continued to talk, and i couldn't help but feel jealous. all he talked about was miyu. i had no right to be jealous, he's not mine and i'm not his.

i faked my happiness in front of him, even though i genuinely wanted to be happy for him, it just left bitterness in me, to know that he's with another.

an hour passed after we finished talking, and i'm laying on my bed, negative thoughts filled my mind. when a knock on my door interrupted  them from continuing.

i looked up, and saw my little brother, his blanket wrapped around him and over his small head.

"yes, baby?" i looked up, motioning for him to come to me. he closes the door, and gets under the covers with me.

"i can't sleep, noona." he looks up at me, and i could see that his eyes were wet.

my eyes widen, "are you having those nightmares again?" i wiped his eyes with my sleeves, as he nodded and i hugged him tightly.

he began to cry, and i sat up and leaned against the headboard while he cried on my stomach.

"it's okay, soobin... they're not here anymore. they won't hurt you anymore..."

i began to rub circles on his back, and he was gripping my other hand.

"so whenever, you ask me again,

how i feel, please remember

my answer is you.."

i began to sing another self-composed song that soobin really loves and i sing it to him whenever he has nightmares.

"meon gireul dashi doraganda haedo,

nan yeojeonhi gateun mamil tenikka

we'll be alright

i want to try again.."

i continued, and soon i felt his breathing back to normal, meaning he was asleep. i kissed his head, "i'm so sorry, binnie..."

and soon enough, i let myself drift into wonderland.