Goodbye's Second Chance

All I Do Is Get Over You/And I'm Still So Bad At It

It was days before I even noticed that I'd simply been going through the motions. At some point the girl I was dating broke up with me because I wasn't bothering to talk to her or return her texts. I really didn't care. Coach yelled at me because I was just doing the bare minimum. Iwa wouldn't even as much as look at me at practice or in school. He always left before me now and I walked to and home from school alone. I finally understood what people meant when they said the world felt less without someone in it. I'd never really lost someone I cared about before, but if this was what it was like, I'd prefer death.

I saw him walking with some girl one day after school, a little bit ahead of me up the street. Whatever. As I trudged up the sidewalk, it was like time slowed down. They stood under a branch of tree hanging over a wall, partially hidden in the shade. I looked up and saw him lean down to her lips and kiss her right there. I felt my stomach lurch up into my throat and had to run around the corner to avoiding retching within earshot of them.

If there was anything in this world I never wanted to see again, it was that. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't watch him flit around the edges of my life like a flame that did nothing but singe me over and over. I needed an explanation or to hit him again, I didn't know which. All I knew was that as much I wanted to hate him, I didn't. I couldn't. He was, quite literally, the only person I gave a fuck about. He was going to tell me what the hell his problem was if I had to chain him to a post to get him to talk.

If I could shove my heart in a shoebox to try and be happy for him, he could at least talk to me. There was no reason for the way he was acting that I could think of, so I decided to ambush him at his house. I knew his mom would let me in to his room and I'd just tell her I wanted to surprise him so she wouldn't tell him I was there. That bastard was going to talk one way or another. I went around the block to the shortcut to his house and knocked on the door, getting there before he did.

I moved the desk chair in his room to the corner on the same side as the door so he wouldn't immediately see me when he came in. I didn't have to wait terribly long before I heard him coming up the stairs and suddenly my stomach was doing back flips again. What if he refused to tell me after all? No. I would make him tell me if it killed us both. The door creaked open and I swallowed back the other half of lunch that didn't make the earlier appearance. He walked in, kicking the door closed behind him.

I stood up and moved in front of the door before he had a chance to even realize what was going on. He looked at me shocked at first, but then clenching his jaw once he realized what was happening. He walked over to his bed, throwing down his bag before flopping down himself, not looking at me, not speaking. "Are you seriously still not going to talk to me?" I asked. He glared over at me but didn't answer. "Fuck, Hajime! Just fucking tell me what the fuck I did that pissed you off so god damn bad!" I yelled, using his first name which I rarely ever did.

He looked at me, surprised by the use of his given name and not his nickname. "We've never not talked for this long, man. C'mon, just fucking tell me so I can apologize or fix it or whatever you want me to do." I hadn't meant to beg, but that's how it came out. I slumped back against the door, my head hanging as I just couldn't muster the strength any longer. He closed his eyes and sighed. "You didn't do anything wrong." He finally said. "Wait, what?" I asked taken aback by the fact that not only did he finally speak, but he said it wasn't my fault? I stood up straight and walked a little closer to him. He seemed to stiffen, but tried to hide it.

"What the fuck then?" was all I could get out. I was so confused. He sighed again, rubbing his hands over his face and into his hair. "It was me, ok? I'm the asshole here." He said finally. I waited for him to explain, but he just laid there, covering his eyes with his hands. "Could you elaborate maybe?" I asked. "I was jealous, ok?" he spat out. I'm so damn lost. "Jealous of what?" "You got a girlfriend and suddenly..." he trailed off. "Wait..." I said trying to wrap my head around what he was saying, "Were you jealous that she wanted me and not you? Is that what this is? I got the girl and you didn't?" I pieced it together, and a smirk I couldn't help came to my lips. "You were jealous of me for once!" I blurted out, trying not to sound too happy about it.