Dahil sa nangyari tumuloy na lang ako sa aking opisina at doon nagpahinga, I just feel so frustrated that I can't even do a thing right now.
Hanggang ngayon medyo mahapdi ang aking mata dahil sa pag iyak ko kanina, kaya din ako nagkulong dito dahil baka makita ng iba na umiiyak ako.
Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko ngayon, sobra akong naiinis at nafrufrustrate ng sobra, kanina ko pa iniisip kung bakit wala akong magawang tama ever since I started working here. I know I only got here because of Gun and I really try my best to prove that I'm worth it..
I mean I work hard in every task but every task seems to not like me because I always fail and disappoint others...
Napayuko ako sa aking lamesa at muling tumulo ang aking luha, I watch my tears fall in my heels and remember all the hard times I worked just to make Mrs.Feliciana satisfied but I also remember that I don't have any memories of Mrs.Feliciana getting satisfied to my work.
She never did...
And I guess that never gonna happen...
Out of frustration, I chose to sleep for a while and when I woke up I received a text message from Gun.
Oh ghad, I miss him so much. I just want to hug him right now...
When I have times like this he's always here to comfort me and with just one gaze he will hug me.
Pumupungas-pungas ko itong binasa at inayos ang aking buhok..
From Beb,
Hi Beb, I miss you. I just got here in Miami Florida. I'm with Dad at his house. I'm so excited and happy to start the training tomorrow. I wish I could hug you right now so you can feel how excited I Am... I love you Beb.. I'll call you later just gonna sleep. Alam mo na jet lag haha love you.
He sent it an hour ago, so I just choose not to reply and continue my work here...
Nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagtatype ng papers buong araw at sinubukan kalimutan ang mga frustration ko ngayong araw.
I didn't eat lunch because I feel so occupied that makes me feel full already. I just want to get this work done and go home to take some rest.
I miss Charvy...
Naka Focus ako sa pagtapos ng mga trabaho ito buong araw at umuwi agad ng 8:00 pm sa condo, Pagpasok ko sa condo, "Charvy mommy's home," I said but I realize that he also not here.
No one's here...
Bagsak balikat akong naglakad papuntang kwarto at nagpalit ng damit,I wear Gun's t-shirt and just eat a ramen noodles, I also watch Tv... sobrang tahimik ng condo aircon at tunog lang na nanggagaling sa TV ang naririnig mo parang walang buhay ang lugar kaya mas lalo akong nawalan ng gana at hindi na tinapos ang ramen na kinakain ko.
I just put it back at the fridge and go to our room, binuksan ko ang Laptop ko upang mag research ng pwedeng maitulong sa project ng Advertising team at marketing team. Gusto ko pa ring tumulong.
I will still try my best, maybe this time I will get it right...
Inabot ako ng 2am ng madaling araw sa pag research at pag-aaral, at sobrang antok na antok na ako kaya gumapang ako sa kamay at hinila ang unan ni Gun.
Niyakap ito at natulog na ng tuluyan...
Nandoon na ako sa puntong pahambing na ng tulog ng tumunog ang phone ko, kaya muli kong iminulat ang aking mata kahit sobrang bigat na ng talukap nito at sinagot ang tumatawag.
"Hello," I almost whisper that because I really feel so sleepy...
"Hi Beb, are you sleeping?" It's Gun, his voice sounds so alive and happy, I can feel it.
"Hindi naman" I answered and lift up my head para sumandal sa headboard ng kama. I parang sobrang miss na miss ko ang boses niya kahit wala pang dalawang araw kaming di nagkasama.
I never knew that missing him would cost me a lot of heavy feels in my chest...
"Beb, alam mo ba kakauwi ko lang kanina inikot ako ni Dad sa kumpanya at pinakilala bilang anak niya..Sobrang saya Beb, I never seen him so proud at me, as he tell it to everyone that I'm his son sobrang iba Beb. I feel so complete," bakas ang saya sa boses ni Gun, kaya napangiti ako habang nakapikit ang aking mga mata.
"I'm happy for you Beb," I said.
"How about you Beb? How's your day?" masigla niyang tanong with a lot of positive energy. Ito yung nawawala sa akin simula ng umalis siya ang positive energy na binibigay niya sa akin sa araw-araw.
How's my day? Worst.
"It's great Beb, I'm doing fine don't worry," I said and laughed to make him less worried.
Nang Marinig niya akong tumawa narinig ko ang paghinga niya ng malalim na parang natanggalan ng tinik sa katawan.
"I'm glad to hear that, I know you can do it Beb," he said and I feel that he is smiling in the other line, I wish I could smile like that too Beb.
Sobrang inaantok na ako pero gusto ko pa siyang makausap, To the point na pinipigilan ko na ang paghikab bo at pilit kinukurot ang aking sarili para hindi makatulog habang patuloy siyang nagkwekwento ng nangyayari sa kanila ng Dad niya.
He's so happy that I'm afraid that I might ruin it if I let him hear and feel my frustrations.
So, I try my best to smile and laugh as I respond to him, I miss him so much...
"Beb I have to go, Dad and I have dinner with his co-investors. Para na rin daw makilala ko na ang maka trabaho ko soon hahaha yabang hahaha," he said and laugh, and it was genuine, I know his happy.
"Ok, call me when you have time ok I love you," I whisper.
"I love you more than I love you Beb, I call you later bye," he said and hung up the call.
He's so happy...
My man is completing his childhood dream, his dream to be with his Dad, to bond with his Dad.
I let go of my phone and put it on the side table before I lay on the bed properly and go to sleep.
I was going to deep sleep when my alarm clock rings... and when I open my eyes and check the time it's already 5:30 in the morning.
Gun and I talk for almost 4 hours...
Tumayo ako at napa hilamos sa mukha gamit ang aking kamay..
"Morning Sienna," I whisper.
BINABASA MO ANG
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