Polaroids s.m.+ c.c.

chapter thirty

Shawn's POV:

I woke up really early, it must be 5am since there's no sun peeking through room window.

I heard steps from outside and I didn't want to get up at all.
Foreign places made me homesick.
This doesn't feel like past time anymore,to be curious what to see new, make your mind escape.

Now it's trapped, in a heavy feeling of wanting to be home.
Home as city where I grew up, laughs which make me comfortable, arms that protect me.

With all overthinking I fell asleep again and woke up 9. Hunger overtook my body and I went to kitchen to have breakfast.

I heard some female voices, I recognized that voice really well...it made my fists clench, I felt my nails dug into skin.

I saw her there and I just stood at the place, till her mother saw me.

"Good morning Shawn!" I faked smile as she turned around with coffee in her hands.

"Good morning" I said dryly.

Her mother saw tensions between us and left to other room, while we just looked at each other like an old couple who saw each other after a divorce. It felt like it.

She placed mug down and walked towards me, then I felt her wrap her hands around me tightly. I wrapped mine around her.

"I missed you" she whispered.

"I -"

"Pst you don't need to say it" she shushed me and smiled softly but it faded away, it didn't even reach her eyes.
"You want coffee?" I nodded and she poured me black coffee. I looked through window and realized that it snowed...that's why it was so cold and of course there was no sun out.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I nodded, remembering being here when it first snowed, we spend all day outside, enjoying idyll.

I must be zoned out for a while when she sat in front of me with toast and coffee "what are you thinking about" I rose my shoulders, because I didn't even know why I came here.

"I don't know"

"I know Shawn -" she took my hand in hers, she doesn't know anything. How I feel nor what's happening in my life.

"We will talk but can we at least wait till my mother is gone tomorrow morning, we can enjoy our day today"

I nodded not being able to speak any words, closing my eyes I imagined Kiara running around house with smile and giggles, how she was escaping cookie monster, me, to feel safe into her mother's arms.
Maybe she didn't need me at all, Camila is totally fine without me, she can rise Kiara on her own, she already did that.

I opened my eyes to find Amelie curiously looking at me.
She slowly shocked her head and sipped her coffee as I did with mine too.

"How are you?" I asked her, I wanted to know.

"I'm good" she's never short with her answers, this is gonna be hard day.
"You?"

"Great"

"When we finish we can take a walk, go to the waterfall" I nodded and that's how it went.

We ate our breakfast and wore our warmest clothes on and went outside.
That green grass was now completely covered in white blanket, air was clean and it was more than beautiful.
They already decorated streets with Christmas lights which made this feeling even more unforgettable.

We walked side by side, but we didn't hold hands.
We talked about everything but that at the end I realized that was nothing how deep our conversations would go.
I just realized she had a haircut, her hair was really long now it's shoulder length, she looked beautiful.