Polaroids s.m.+ c.c.

chapter twenty eight

Camila's POV:

I repeated words from last nigh in my head every time I felt like smiling.

Daddy loves you baby.

He said it, with sweetness in his voice that I wanted to melt into that bed. I smiled inside, my stomach going crazy with butterflies.
Then I felt his warm lips on my forehead, I closed my eyes tightly to feel everything.

Oh God just how I missed him.

I told him everything last night I had on my heart for so long, it felt heavy on my heart and soul, after I said it, I could breath again.

I know what kind of person he is, he took blame for everything bad in his life, but Kiara isn't bad thing, nor him leaving me.

What was important is; results.
Journey was hard but results were exactly what both of us needed.

I grew up into a woman, on her own.
Facing difficulties and going through them with my spine straightened, something I wouldn't do if Shawn was by my side. I would make him do everything because he was much stronger than I am, mentally and physically.
I learned how to build an IKEA furniture, how to fix water pipe, make WiFi work after huge thunder.
Mentally, I'm sure I can do most in my life.

I almost teared when he started singing that song.

Our song.

We listened it whenever it was hard to speak, so we let music calm us.

I remembered being on our highschool field, at midnight.
We sneaked out.

Laying down on the grass, our fingers tangled, I would steal a gaze every now and then, from the sky to him.

Starts were so beautiful, but he always looked like God gifted.

I could feel his eyes on me few times, I would blush but it was dark for him to see.

I miss being eighteen.

I can't believe how time is passing by, next week is already Christmas.
I mean for six days exactly.
Kiara's second Christmas, first one with her daddy, I hope.

I like to stick with traditions to decorate tree extremely on Christmas Eve, because spiritually it's more beautiful.

I am gonna make some cookies for Santa Claus.
Kiara has been a good girl and I will make sure to bring her some amazing presents that she deserves.

Shawn left one hour ago, he seemed tensed.
He said that he will be back soon, that he needed to do some stuff downtown.

His eyes never met mine, after last night.
His leg nervously bounced every time he sat down, we aren't in relationship nor anything but something was bothering him, I wanted him to share so he would feel less nervous.

I saw his phone buzz couple of times when he played with Kiara.

I wonder if he's still with Amelie.

She's a wonderful woman, I couldn't hate her at all.
She helped me a lot too, when they were in my apartment.

It made my stomach hurt to imagine him with someone else, I wasn't jealous, I was just something like that teenager when we first started kissing, I felt like on top of the world and I missed that feeling.

I wonder if she knows.
That Shawn is father.

It frightened me, if she knew and accepted it, I know Shawn and I would never ever be together.
Woman who gets along with her partner is a woman who stays forever there.

I felt weird today.

My stomach didn't help at all, I couldn't eat, I swear I would throw up any second if I ate.
I thought something was happening but that was just my mind being a overthinger so I calmed down a little with my pill, which I used to drink whenever anxiety was overwhelming.

I heard my phone ring.
Unknown number.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hi Camila Cabello?"

The voice somehow was familiar but I couldn't recognize it at all.

"Yes"

"Oh great, it's Nick"

Of course.
How he got my number?

"Oh hi Nick"

"My boss, yours soon to be asked me to give you some information about your job, what you're gonna do"

"Okay" I was excited.

"I did that when I first started working, it isn't difficult, don't worry"

Even if it was, I know I could do it.

"You're gonna have your own small part of the office, but you're gonna share it with me"

I closed my eyes, how to feel comfortable around this man?

"I'm gonna help you whenever you need something"

"I appreciate that" I said truthfully.

He gave me directions and explained me how to work, it didn't seem that difficult but I need to learn some stuff.
It made me realize that we started talking about other stuff too, laughing and joking when door opened.

I turned around seeing Shawn.
He smiled for a second.

"Thank you, goodbye now" I said wanting to end this surprising comfortable conversation.

"Bye Camila" I heard him say and I placed my phone down.

"Hey" Shawn greeted me, his eyes searching for Kiara.

"She's playing in her room" he nodded not saying anything.

He moved across this space of my apartment like he was meant to be here.
"How was your day?" I asked him, following him behind.

"Exhausting" he simply answered, showing his smile after, when Kiara stood up and ran to him, making some noises.

"Hey baby" he picked her up, "yours?" He asked me.

"Good"

Something was off.

"I'm gonna sleep home tonight, I hope that's okay"

That was it.
It hurted me how he said home, without us being in it.
Maybe he didn't mean it.

"Of course" I moved my eyes from his,
"If you need anything just call me" I nodded and went to kitchen to prepare dinner.

Whole time I tried to think about what I did wrong but nothing came to my mind, then everything rushed like a wave.
It might be nothing, or everything.

I heard giggles and talks from the room, he loved spending time with her, just like I did.

I called him over when dinner was set, he said that he was tired and that he needed sleep.
Dinner was  filled with comfortable silence.

He made Kiara go watch a goodnight cartoon, kissing her head, I watched.
He did it like he was saying forever goodbye, it made my heart squeeze.
I was just imagining.

He said goodbye to me, standing at the place not knowing what his next move would be.

I wanted him to kiss me, for God's sake already.

But he didn't, he moved his gaze to the floor and made himself out.

I sighed, heavily.
My chest held so much on it.
I wish he could just take it all away.

I went to sleep that night with questions in my head, to wake up in the morning to the answer standing on my door.

A/n; short but important