Polaroids s.m.+ c.c.

chapter twenty six

Shawn looked at the clock on his phone and these two days don't plan on passing by quickly like days he get to spend with Kiara.

"How's Sky?" Aaliyah peeked in his room where he looked in an empty space, feeling numb.

"She's alright" he smiled a little.

Aaliyah laid next to him, and started at the ceiling too.
"Doctor appointment?"

"It was pretty intense, but doctor said everything is alright" Aaliyah popped herself on one elbow looking down at her brother.

"She's growing too fast, I remember when i came here and first saw her, she was little -" she chuckled "she's still little Shawn"

"I know but I feel like crap"

"You feel like crap because she's growing up?"

"No, I feel like crap because I didn't see her first steps, hear her first words nor first cries"

Aaliyah's face fell down, washed in sadness.
"It's okay Shawn, you're here now"

"No, it's not. I wish I could turn back times to the days where I could have managed situation better or never going to Camila that night"

Aaliyah shocked her head.
"It's meant to happen, even in this way Shawn. This baby is meant to be here"

"God I -" he chocked out in groan, he was frustrated.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself" he sat back up, his phone dinged. Amelie.
He just locked it.

"Shawn you need to know what's good for you"

"I can't do that - I need to make sure everyone has something good from this"

He was overthinking since the moment he knew Kiara is his daughter.
God he felt like drowning without her.

"No Shawn - stop taking so much responsibilities on your shoulders. You need to choose what's good for you"

"Last time I did that - I hurt Camila and eventually Kiara" he just realized, even Sky didn't know about her father. She knew moods her mother had and that had a huge impact on her. It was his fault.

"Camila isn't mad, Kiara doesn't know. Everything is meant to happen okay?" Aaliyah took his hand in hers,
"Listen to me now, - stop overthinking, you can't take blame for everything. Think about future, near future. Take some time away, you know what's best for you" she sent him small smile, but he couldn't find a way to smile.

"I don't know"

He groaned when he heard one more message from Amelie.

Aaliyah saw how irritated he was.

"What do you feel about Camila?" Aaliyah wanted to speak with him about her for a long time. It is a sensitive spot to talk about.

He looked at her, emptiness filling his eyes.
Aaliyah's heart squeezed.

"You still love her Shawn" she whispered hoping it's true.

"She's mother of my child"

"Even if she wasn't. You care about her"

"I always did" he said truthfully,
"I can't Aaliyah, I can't be around her" he said.

"Why?"

"I got used to feeling nothing, when I was away, around her I feel like I'm high"

"You say you feel nothing when you're with Amelie?"

Shawn shocked his head, "no, I feel with her some things but with Camila I feel like trying weed for a first time"