⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: Self-harming⚠️
(Please DON'T read this, if you have problems with Self-harming or if you can't deal with it)
You get up slowly and go into the bathroom. The person looking back at you in the mirror should worry you. The pale skin and dark circles under the eyes aren’t even the worst. Your otherwise so bright blue eyes look dull at you. The girl in the mirror is no longer the person she used to be.
This girl looks broken and the pain in her eyes scares even you, even though you know exactly where it comes from. You know, that this pain shouldn’t control your life, but there is nothing you can do about it. Then you reach for the blade that you have in your cosmetic bag. You know, you shouldn’t do this, but there is no other way for you.
Slowly you apply the blade and let it run over your arm. It feels amazing. It’s a welcome pain that distracts you from your inner pain. That distracts you from your inner emptiness and thet helps you to feel alive. It pushes the feelings and the guilt you are feeling into the background. The pain that you feel inside yourself every day. Which is getting worse and worse and there is nothing you can do about it.
Even if you know, you should stop, you can’t. It doesn't even hurt like what you've been feeling inside of you every damn second since the day your family died. Since your whole word collapsed. Since you lost the only thing that ever meant something to you. That meant more to you than anything else in the world. Again and again you let the blade slide over your skin. It's the only thing that helps you not to think about it.
You watch in amazement as the blood runs down your arm and you feel great in the moment. After a while you take care of the cuts and then go back to the bed. You know you have to hide it from Harry when he comes back. But it has helped and you feel better. Since you are still a little exhilarated, you watch the stars before you fall into a dreamless sleep that you welcome.
YOU ARE READING
Before you fall apart
FanfictionShe can finally start a new life. Shouldn't that be a reason to be happy? In this case probably not. She escapes her old life and wants to start over in London. Her childhood friend Harry is her last solution. But what has changed after all these ye...
