𝐖𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋 | draco malfoy

chapter 56

I halted to a stop when I spotted Draco down the corridor. He walked out of class, his charming smile on his face as Pucey spoke to him. His presence lit up the entire hall. His soul held stardust. I didn't need drugs when the feelings I felt for Draco made me feel high anyways. He was a risk, sometimes a mystery, but he was the most certain thing I'd ever know.

In the middle of my chaos, there he always was.

Somehow, he always made me feel a little more alive and far less lost.

Nevertheless, staying clean still had its difficulties. I felt anxious all the time, I felt as though I was once again constantly looking over my shoulder, I was scared to be alone. Everything resumed the way it had been before the summer. The paranoia, the fear and dread swirling inside my stomach, the feeling of always being cold. I restlessly laid awake all throughout the night-sometimes just crying and crying and crying until I could no longer breathe. Silently pleading for it all to stop; Samael's face in my mind, my screams from the basement echoing through my head, all of it.

Like rainfall after a life-long drought, after having a taste of the numbness that brought serene silence and sweet stillness, it was cruel to stay away from such relief.

Of course, the others had heard of my overdose, proceeding to learn about the substance abuse that had been going on for some months now. Fred hadn't spoken to me. He wouldn't even look at me. George, Harry and Hermione were the most angry at themselves-angry they hadn't seen it, realized it sooner.

"This is precisely why I kept it from you lot." I told them. "You're not to blame. I was conscious of my decisions and even if you had known, you wouldn't have stopped me. I didn't want you lot to find out because I knew somehow you'd blame yourselves."

I hated that I made them feel this way. I hated that I was the cause of everything I did not want. It broke my heart to see them feeling culpable.

The first few days of my attempt to stay clean, Hermione made me potions in secret that helped rid the withdrawal symptoms.

The more my mind tried to pull me under the water to drown me, the more my friends stuck by my sides and did all they could to make me feel better, to distract me, pushing away the darkness with the light they each held within them. They continued sharing their own light when I couldn't seem to find my own.

I love my friends so much it hurts.

"Lys?" Fred's broken voice broke me away from my thoughts. I turned around to see his pained eyes filled with sadness.

"Freddie," I exhaled. He had been avoiding me and that broke my heart.

He shifted sheepishly from foot to foot. "Can we talk?"

I nodded as I followed him to an empty corner in the corridor. "Freddie, I'm so fucking sorry. I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. I just-I didn't want to cause you any more trouble and I knew you'd only worry more if you knew how badly I was still struggling and-"

Fred cut me off by pulling me into a hug. As if we had never been apart, we embraced each other with such intensity it took my breath away. Fred leaned down as he was much taller than me, his arms secured around my waist. Warm tears silently rolled down my cheeks. Neither one of us wanted to let go, so we didn't.

I brushed my tears away. "I'm so sorry, Freddie. You're my best friend, always."

Fred sighed softly in my ear, still holding onto me. "Never lie to me again, Lys."

"I won't. I promise."

Finally, we pulled away from one other. Fred peered down at me with his warm eyes carefully taking in each inch of my appearance. "You really do need to eat more."