Lightning Only Strikes Once - Clexa

Chapter 2: Teenage Hormones Suck

"We're going looking for some food," Clarke says shortly. "You're welcome to come join us, given you're the only one with a defensive weapon." She could have that gun off him in a second, she thinks. Clarke's been in a lot of fights compared to the Bellamy of this time and if she doesn't have the muscle she still has the memories. Plus, Bellamy – this Bellamy – was all posture. He wouldn't shoot her, except by accident. But it's not worth the fight it will cause or the enemy it will make him into.

"I think maybe we should find Mount Weather, Clarke," Wells says. "You heard my father's message."

"Screw your father," Octavia practically spits the words. "What, you think -"

"She's right," Clarke says, surprising both of them into shutting up. "The Councillor gave us a plan that doesn't work anymore, not where we are right now. So screw his orders. We're nowhere near Mount Weather, and we need a new plan. Starting with food." She nods at Jasper and Monty. "You two come help me and Wells, we'll see what we can find." Clarke turns to look at Octavia, deliberately ignoring Bellamy. "If you feel like eating, maybe you should join us. Or just if you feel like having a real look around."

Octavia looks uncertain. Then Bellamy decides for her by growling "No way. Octavia stays here."

"I was asking her, not you -" Clarke starts to say.

"I'm going, Bell," Octavia says, finality in her tone. "I've been locked up all my life, I'm not gonna let you lock me up too." Bellamy grabs her arm and starts to talk to her in a harsh undertone about the dangers.

Clarke decides to start walking, leaving Octavia to deal with her brother and the others to catch up. In under a minute Wells catches up and walks beside her. A few seconds later Octavia has caught up too, walking besides an already smitten Jasper.

She can hear the others talking behind them, already sharing stories and bonding, when Wells says to her quietly, "I got sent down on purpose. To protect you. I want to make up for what I did, Clarke."

Clarke catches his hand in her own and squeezes it for a second before letting go. "You didn't do anything except try and take the blame," she says just as quietly. "I know that now."

His expression morphs quickly to surprise and then joy. A smile spreads across his face and she returns it gladly. Then a boy lands on top of him from the tree above.

"SURPRISE!"

"OW!" Wells rolls to the side, swearing, already trying to rise to his feet. He stumbles and nearly falls again but catches himself. "What the hell?"

Finn grins at him. "I'm sorry. You were directly below me. Couldn't resist."

Clarke looks at Finn, unable to resist scouring his face with her eyes for a second.

Looking at Wells makes her happy, to have this second chance. Looking at Finn makes her feel... well, confused. Grateful that he's alive, guilty because she killed him, and deeply sad that she knows there isn't a second chance for them. It's not just Raven – it's that, looking at him now, his cheeky grin and boyish charm are wasted on her.

Once upon a time she viewed everything he did with a faint sheen of perfection, after he'd gotten past her initial resistance. Clarke had taken the good she saw – good looks, charm, artistic ability, and loyalty to her – and she'd expanded it, creating an ideal person who didn't exist. She'd been infatuated with that person, and extreme events had made her bond to him grow very quickly.

His death had made it impossible for Clarke to acknowledge what she could now admit: she hadn't been in love with Finn, not like he'd loved (or thought he loved) her. And the murder of eighteen innocent people in her name had shocked her out of her infatuation brutally, leaving only the guilt of feeling responsibility for those deaths binding them together. The additional guilt of his death had compounded that. Her good memories of Finn are distant now. When she looks at him, she just sees a floppy-haired, immature boy, good-natured but filled with flaws, and not someone who could ever understand her now or ever challenge her like – well, like some other people could.

Clarke doesn't want to think of Lexa, not now. In this new universe, if she plays things differently, there's a risk they'll never meet. An even bigger likelihood is that if they do, it won't be under circumstances where she can both impress Lexa and bond with her like the last time, where they can spend weeks together and become something. If Clarke manages to keep everyone alive and avoid pissing off the Grounders, there's a very real possibility she will be a stranger to Lexa forever.

"Hey, Princess," Finn playfully gives her a flower, waking her from her thoughts. "See something you like?"

She realises she's been staring at him for some time. Wells looks even more annoyed than when Finn landed on him, and Octavia looks jealous. Jasper is looking slightly put out by Octavia no longer staring at him. Monty looks annoyed at Jasper for ignoring him to make heart eyes at Octavia.

Teenagers, thinks Clarke. Fucking teenagers. I forgot how stupid and hormonal we all were back at the start. She drops the flower. "Actually, I was just wondering why it looks like you've been trying to remove your wrist monitor. Don't you care about anyone in the Ark at all? No one else is gonna come down here if they think the air is poisonous."

Finn's smile drops off and he glances involuntarily at the sky. "Why would they come down here anyway?"

"They're running out of air up there," Clarke says shortly. "We're a test. Either they come down, or they kill off some of the Ark's population. So unless you don't care about whatever family you've got up there suffocating, you should probably keep your wrist monitor on."

Come to think of it, he's the only one who does need to keep his working. He's the reason Raven came down, and Clarke doesn't know when she decided that and if her decision was at all based on seeing Finn's vital signs still there before they all flatlined together. The odds are best if they keep his one online just as long as last time. If Raven assumes he's dead and doesn't come down, they have no radio, they have no munitions expert, and they have no chance.

It's so difficult, thinking in terms of the past and future like this. Trying to decide what actions will keep them alive, now she knows all of the ways they could all too easily have died.

Clarke turns away, leaving Wells to answer the inevitable questions, and plunges into the forest, eyes already scanning for threats or potential food.