I Wanted to Save you.

The 3rd of December

It was the 3rd of December when I realized how huge the world actually was and how little I am to compare. On a Planet with high expectations, standards and Duties I had no other chance than just exist.
Humans must love destroying themselves, right? Or should I say the place that literally created them.

Everyone gives everything a name or a meaning while we slowly kill ourselves with it. What is the meaning of life anyway?
This is all just because a dude was jealous of one other having more things than him.
I wonder how he even gave that "thing" value. We suffer just because of one human being and all that for generation after generation.
It's embarrassing isn't it?
But it's more embarrassing that we aren't doing anything about it. Everyone's gotten so used to it that they don't want to understand we can change this.
But like I said,
Humans must love destroying themselves, right?

But honestly...

"Who cares?"
I smile to myself turning up the volume on my radio. It was playing ~Bad Reputation by Joan Jett~ and I never felt more alive considering the fact that I almost died 2 weeks ago.
Yes,
Yes I am complaining.

Pff-ANYWAYS,

"I DONT GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATIOOOON!"
I Jump on my bed holding a imaginary guitar in my arms and play it dramatically.
I felt like every singer all in one, as if the energy just took over my body.
Not ironically. I was playing it. 100%.

"YOURE LIVING IN THE PAST IT'S A NEW GENERATION!"
I bang my head each side possible and jump down from my bed now holding the mic in my hand, which was real, 100%.

I had hair in my mouth as well as I was pointing at a random object in my room, my dead plant. Named Ronny.
He is real, 101%.

"A GIRL CAN DO WHAT SHE WANT TO DO AND THATS WHAT IM GONNA DOOOO!"
I slam open my door, probably have a hole in the wall now but-
"AND I DONT GIVE A DAMN BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION!"
I wander through the halls of my house kicking over a few empty bottles of beer and sodas and jump up my stairs by 3.
Usually I'd stumble being this drunk but I can also fly sometimes.
I mean it, 100%.

"Oh nooooo, not meeee!"
The music gets quieter as I head up but I heard it loud and clearly in my head so I continue to scream it through the building my parents built by themselves.
I was just meant to destroy it.
That was my true life purpose.
1...100%

"AND I DONT GIVE A DAMN BOUT MY REPUTATION!"
Dancing like a complete fool through the attic I finally reach the rooftop and quiet down just a bit by humming to myself.
"Hmnoo nmhnmm"
I pull out my cigarette box, my lighter as well.
Grabbing one and putting it on humming to myself, I inhale a deep breath of smoke and release it again, long and slow.
My parents didn't like when I smoked because the whole house would smell like it.
But I always opened the window right after, so I don't get it.
They always made such a big deal out of everything.

Even drugs, pff.

I was sitting on a big piece of wood that my dad used to store up here for our fireplace- which isn't working anyway.
There was a little ceiling above me with LED lights and blankets here and there. It was pretty and perfect for summer...well the things is, it's winter.
Still pretty though.
I take another inhale before exhaling the smoke and look around the Neighborhood that I loved so dearly.
No.
I didn't.

"If I could leave this bullshit country, I most definitely would."
No I wouldn't. Okay maybe, but that's irrelevant because well...Money.
I don't want to work a 9-5 job for what?
More depression?
More Stress?
Yeah I could save it up but that's sooo much effort and I'm too inpatient for that.