SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER TEN (Road to Recovery)

"I am going to remove your NGT. Can you breathe deeply?"

Kahit alam kong masasaktan ako ay tumango ako.

"At the count of three I want you to take a deep breath and hold it for a second. Can you do that?"

Muli ay tumango ako.

"Okay. One, two-" hinawakan ng lalaki ang small tube na nakakabit sa ilong ko. "Three. Breathe and hold it."

Ginawa ko ang sinasabi niya ay hinila niya ang tube na nakakapasok sa ilong ko. Ilang sandali pa at hawak na niya ang mahabang tube plastic at agad na isinilid iyon sa isang plastic na nakita doon.

"It's gone. You will be comfortable now."

"W-where am I?" Walang lumabas na boses sa bibig ko pero alam ko naman na naintindihan ng lalaki ang sinasabi ko.

"You are in my clinic. I am Doctor Mervin, and I am your attending physician." Saglit itong huminto at ngumiti ng mapakla sa akin. "You rest."

Napapikit ako sa sakit nang subukan kong gumalaw. Noon ko napansin na may benda ang balikat ko at halos buo kong katawan. Dahan-dahan kong iniangat ang kamay ko at ikinapa sa ulo ko at mukha at punong-puno din ng benda iyon.

And then my nightmare came back.

Those monsters.

I couldn't forget their faces. I couldn't forget what they did to me.

"T-they tried to kill me," sabi ko.

Napahinga ng malalim ang doctor. "Kailangan mo pang magpahinga. Just rest. You are safe here."

Pumikit ako at pinilit kong kalmahin ang sarili ko. But every time I closed my eyes, I could only see those monsters. Their laughs. I could hear their voices.

I couldn't help not to cry. Soft, quiet sobs. I don't want people to hear that I am crying. But I couldn't help it. The soft sobs became louder. Louder and louder until I started screaming.

It was ear piercing, but I needed this. I needed this release. All the pain that I was experiencing right now, emotionally and physically was declining every time I was screaming.

I knew people around me were doing something. And I don't care. All I wanted to do right now was to scream and let go of this emotion that was bottled up in my chest. I hated everything that was happening. I hated those monsters that did this to me. I hated those people that made this happen. I hated everyone around me. I hated my life!

I didn't deserve this kind of shit. I didn't deserve to be raped over and over. I didn't deserve to be hurt. I didn't deserve to be killed.

Why? Why me? I was a good person. Nagsisimba ako. Kahit galit ako sa tatay ko, mahal ko naman siya. Lahat ng nasa sampung utos ng Diyos sinusunod ko. Wala akong sinamantalang tao. Wala akong niloko. Then why me? Why?

"Calm down!"

Hindi ko na alam kung anong ginagawa ko. Basta gusto kong sumigaw. Pakiramdam ko ay kumakalma ako sa tuwing gagawin ko iyon. Alam kong nagkakagulo sa paligid pero walang akong pakialam.

Until I felt that I was becoming drowsy. My eyes were drooping. My surrounding was moving. Encircling around me.

"Calm down. Everything will be fine."

Those were the last words that I heard. I closed my eyes because my mind was telling me that it was the best thing to do.

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