A Tall and Small Collection | Soren

Next Steps

It was only recently that he had opened up slightly. Seeing him like this, a caring older brother, was definitely new – and she liked it. She leaned up onto one elbow and, being careful, whispered, "Good morning."

Neither of the boys stirred, much to Soren's relief, and he elected to mouth, "good morning," back to Ashlynn. His eyes lulled. He wanted desperately to go to sleep, but he needed to have another conversation with Ashlynn. He needed to have some kind of plan in place for him and his brothers.

Carefully, Soren untangled his arms from his brothers and lifted the covers so he could slip onto the outside. He had done this hundreds of times on cold winter nights and with almost no disturbance managed to place the brothers next to one another so they could keep warm without him. They barely stirred at the subtle jostling. [They must be exhausted.]

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" asked Ashlynn. Soren felt his insides twist as he remembered they failed to eat dinner the night before when Soren's brothers revealed themselves.

There was now an obvious predicament. Soren did want to get breakfast and help prepare something for his brothers. Also, more than anything and most surprising to him, Soren needed to talk to Ashlynn. He needed to decompress – go over everything that had festered the night before in his mind, but he couldn't leave his brothers. He couldn't scare them by leaving them.

Ashlynn could see this inner conflict in his eyes and managed to catch his attention as he looked back to her. "I can go get it together if you want," she whispered. Soren hung his head and rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. When he didn't answer, Ashlynn sensed there was something more bothering him and prompted him.

"You okay?" asked Ashlynn. There were a million ways to answer, but Soren couldn't think of a single one in that moment. "Want to talk about it?" His silence once again confirmed it. "We could go into the kitchen?"

At this suggestion, Soren shook his head. "No." His voice, already a challenge to hear, was almost imperceptible. "I... I don't want... I can't... leave them. Not again." The boys stirred at the nearness of the sound. Soren tucked the blankets around them and they seemed to be content. Ashlynn nodded slowly. She prepared to get up when she heard Soren speak again.

"Maybe if we stay on the bed? That way I can see them and they can see me if they wake up?" This suggestion was new for Soren. Ashlynn hadn't known him to make these suggestions before.

"Sure," she whispered back. "Um... do you think you can... make it over here on your own?" Soren's exhausted body shivered slightly, but he once again made eye contact with her as he brought his hand down from rubbing his eyes. It was in that look she understood – he wanted her to help. A sudden nervous rush flooded her senses.

The experience of holding Soren yesterday had been lost in the panic. Now that she had a moment, she realized how odd it felt to have his hands, his entire body, pressed into her hand. She had held him before when he was unconscious, but only on a few occasions to change the bandages on his leg. For him to make the conscious decision must've been difficult.

Still, he was asking for help now – despite the rules he had put forward. She felt her hands shake slightly as she placed it against the edge of the table. Soren stifled a yawn and staggered forward. Brushing off another shudder and an obvious mental battle, Soren stepped onto her fingers, stabilizing himself against her thumb as he stood.

Ashlynn, as slowly and carefully as possible, lifted her hand the single foot from her table to the bed. For a moment, Soren wavered before stepping from her hand and onto the bed. He shuddered involuntarily before practically collapsing backwards. They were silent for several minutes before he sat up and rubbed his eyes.