,,You're my Moron'' - A KarmaShuu Fanfiction

A short and sweet high school romance

„...get Chinese for dinner", he whispered his final words, backing off quickly with a grin, and as fast as he could, he ran behind the nearest chair to hide behind it. Shuus eyes widened in disbelief as he sat up. „Oh for the love OF-", he grabbed a pillow, throwing it perfectly into Karmas face since that moron leaned out to look at his boyfriend. Karma burst out laughing. „I'm kidding, I'm kidding~ I just wanted to tease you a little bit", Karma admitted, putting one of his open hands up in the air, around his eyesight. „Stupid", Shuu said, for some reason feeling mad at Karma for not doing something else. Karma grinned. „What is it?"

„Nothing."
„Come on, tell me"

„No. Let's study - you promised.", Shuu said standing up and walking over to Karma's desk.

Karma softly grabbed Shuus wrist, making the orange-haired boy to look at him, with a cold look obviously.
„Ne ne~ What did my little orange want?~", he put the pillow he was holding to the side and leaned closer to Shuu. „No, let me go I want to study"

„We can study later"

„No. You promised. Don't break your promises, especially with me"

„Ahhhh~", Karma sighed, apparently giving up, letting go of Shuus wrist and walking over to his bed, laying down on it with him facing the decking, putting his arms on his face, and closing his eyes sighing.

Wait no- Don't go- please tease me more- please hold onto my wrist again like that- I know I act cold but please stay Shuu thought to himself, panicking on the inside but his outside didn't seem to care.

He bit the side of his lower lip, slowly sitting down at the small table Karma has prepared last night for the both of them to study.

A few minutes passed - Shuu tried to focus on his work, but he felt slight guilt in himself and he had the feeling of hurting his boyfriend by the way he acted. But he promised himself to keep his distance after all... Karma already knows way too much about him, which sometimes makes him anxious. He sighed and decided to apologize. He stood up slowly, fixing his shirt from before where Karma has touched him. The touch of Karma... He could still feel it - the warmth of Karmas slender and soft fingers sliding across his chest and stomach, exploring and studying all the parts about him. 

Why did we stop? Was it all my fault? Am I being selfish or too insecure to give away my body, even to touch it? By my own boyfriend?

He bit his lip again, gripping onto the corners of his shirt tightly, feeling the urge of wanting Karma to touch him again.

He sighed, slowly turning around, trying to figure out what to say. The moment he was about to look at Karma and his mouth opened to say something made him realize something.

...He is asleep. Shuu made a duck-lips and huffed in disappointment looking at his boyfriend who was peacefully sleeping on his bed covers. His hands weren't on his face anymore, just one slightly on his forehead and the other one stretched out to the side. Shuu stood there for a short moment, overthinking if he should maybe lay down or wake him up? Or maybe go back to studying? But he feels alone he can't study with these thoughts literally killing him. With his final thought, he decided to throw away the study idea and lay down besides Karma. He slowly kneeled down onto the mattress, trying to make no noise or no big movement to not wake Karma up, and laying his head down onto Karmas stretched out arm and his body beside him. He looked at his redhead sleeping - all peaceful. It all seemed like he saw him for the first time and he would never tell this person would be in some way violent if he of course didn't know him. But he felt safe around him.

When I met you... I had already lost my entire world. How can you hang on to something so incomprehensible?...

How can you keep pouring love into an abyss? But then there you were. There was something in those golden eyes that was so beautiful, so safe, and... warm. In just one look of his, I felt like being at "home." I remember the first time our eyes met - on the first day of our first year at Junior High. We didn't say anything that day to each other - you gave me the enemy vibes, but not in a way of hating you. I had the feeling of you, besides being my enemy, being my dearest friend.

You could've been mine already 3 years ago - So why did you become mine just now? Why did God made me wait so long, not even making me realize how lonely I felt before meeting you? What was the reason? And... what will bring us the future? Will you love me the same? Will our love slowly fade away and then you'll finally meet someone new? Is all this just some short, sweet highschool romance? Why didn't we get to know each other sooner? We acted like complete morons by ‚hating' each other and being enemies because of our studies. Stupid... I am as much in love with you today as I ever was, perhaps even more so, but now, I feel tired...

Shuu forced himself to think about these last parts and trying not to fall asleep. He put his arm around Karma and pulled himself closer to feel Karmas warmth, his head landed onto Karmas chest softly, hearing his heartbeat clearly.

I could feel his heartbeat... every single pound in his chest. This great pounding, this great pressure; every beat. I could hear it and I could feel it.

He still was lost in his thoughts, not being able to close his eyes. He put one of his hands on the left side of his chest to feel his heart pounding.

...Sometimes my heart beats shallow, sometimes it beats so strong I think my chest will burst and I'm terrified, but it always beats only for you, Karma.

...After all... what else is a heart for? For without love, why would I need a pump? The two for me go together, ba-boom, I love you, ba-boom, I love you. I hope your heart beats for me too. I wish mine to beat as long as yours does, no more, no less. To me, that makes perfect sense. For me, it is you that makes my world warm on cold days where everything feels like falling apart. No matter the weather outside, you are my warmth. 

Shuu felt the warmth hitting his chest after thinking, making his face flush. 

Stop thinking, stop thinking... you're getting all lost and confused the more you spend time with him. 

He tried to calm down a bit. But the calming down didn't involve any embarrassment nor warm feeling - it was more of anxiety and angst that was filling up inside him. He was terrified of the future - a future without Karma. A future where they will be going separate ways. A future where Karma leaves him behind and moves on. 

Isn't that how relationships usually work? Especially the first ones where you have no experience at all and it breaks apart even though you love this person so much you feel like you are going to die? Would I ever be able to live without Karma by my side? Will I ever get used to being alone again? Will I ever find someone like him again that will make me feel at ‚home' again? Will I be happy? ...Why am I suddenly thinking of all this... I should focus on now and try to keep Karma by my side without making him want to leave. 

He felt like tearing up but he held it all back. He let out a deep sigh, slightly sitting up shaking his head. He then noticed that Karmas shirt was slightly pulled up that a tiny bit of his waist was revealed and his eyes widened. „Oh my God...'' He quickly laid back down, breathing heavily and closing his eyes, trying to forget what he saw and fall asleep.