My Misadventures

40: Lovey Dovey Shit

It's been an entire month since I started councilling, and my therapist has suggested I keep a journal so... here goes nothing.

I've got a job at the university bookstore now. $10 an hour ain't too shabby for a college part time. I have a lot of time since the... fallout.

The midtown menace had gained a lot of traction, and people were starting to stalk me seriously. In order to avoid being doxxed and potentially killed, I've been forced to keep a lower profile, barely short of resigning altogether. I've been taken off the hero group chats, and had to deactivate the app I'd just launched.

The bookstore is nice! It's calm, I work mornings and go to class in the afternoon. Then come home everyday to take a recharge nap with Caleb, then we go to the gym, and then do homework all night.

But today, he had to stay late at work. So I'm taking a nap by myself. I had crawled across the bed to plug in the string lights, but fell asleep as soon as my chest hit the mattress.

I didn't have time to pull up my pants. At least I took off my shoes.

"Skylar~" Caleb whispers in my ear, kissing my neck.

I'm so exhausted that I can barely mumble a response.

"Your underwear is showing."

I open one eye and look over my shoulder at him. "What?"

He traces his finger across the waistline of my jeans, which sits about halfway up my butt. The touch tickles.

I smack his hands away. "Embarrassing."

"Cute." He corrects me, then gives it a little pat. "Have you eaten today?"

I nod. "I ate some costa vida after work."

"Good." He kisses my ear. "How was your nap?"

"Better now that you're here." I scoot closer to him.

"Lemme take off my jeans."

"Stripping already?" I watch as he leaves. "But I thought Valentine's was next week."

He laughs. "Two weeks babe. And we are going to have the most romantic night ever."

"You keep saying that." I turn and open my arms so he can lay on top of me. "My expectations are really high."

"Good." He kisses under my jaw. Then again just lower than that. "After our nap let's go to the gym, okay?"

I whine sleepily.

"You need to get into shape."

"Me?! Speak for yourself you fat lard." I shove him off me and turn my back.

"Fat lard? Does THIS look like the body of a fat lard?"

I peek over my shoulder and my eyes nearly bug out of my head. Caleb had taken off his shirt, so he's only wearing his boxers.

His entire body is muscle upon muscle with just the right amount of fat to soften the curves. I blink in disbelief.

"What, are you that speechless?"

"I'm hard." I realize in horror.

He bursts into laughter and I cover my face with my hands. "Oh my god I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"It's okay, honey. Getting a boner is natural, especially when around someone you ~love~" he reaches out to touch me, rubbing my arm. "Do you want me to take care of it for you?"

My attention snaps back to him, and I lick my lips briefly. I do want him to take care of it. I want to do something dangerous and fun with him. I want to experiment and just see how it feels to have someone else do it. But most of all I want it to be him.

"You know my answer babe." I shake my head. "I'm waiting until after marriage."

"Is that your personal standard? Or was it the standard of the church?" He asks. "I'm not trying to pressure you or be mean, I'm genuinely curious this time."

I want to stop and think about it, but my... situation is getting uncomfortable. "I gotta go."

And then I took the coldest shower of my life. My hair practically had icicles in it when I was done.

How am I supposed to face Caleb after this? I ask myself in the mirror. I just got a boner from seeing him, and he wasn't even naked. I put my hands over my face. This is so embarrassing!

But he got me thinking. Was it my standard or was it the churches? Is it... okay to have sex with my boyfriend?

I look around as if someone might have overheard.

Is that... what I want? Do I want to have sex? Well yeah, according to my Willy. But am I ready? This is the first time I've really thought about it as a possibility. So... not yet. Not yet.

I walk back into the bedroom to see Caleb wearing his gym clothes. He looks up from his phone and smiles when I enter.

"Since you already showered, wanna hit the gym?" He asks.

I nod. "Um, I was wondering if we could talk about it really quick... uh, talk about sex?" I say the last part quietly.

"What's a matter?" He sits up to pay attention.

I sit next to him and stare at my hands. "This is the first time I've really thought about it as a possibility, and I'm not totally sure if it's something I want to do yet." I admit slowly, overcome with nerves and anxiety. My voice is shaking. "I want to. With you. But... not yet."

Caleb ruffles my hair. "That's okay. Like I said way back in the beginning, we'll go at a pace that you're comfortable with. We won't do anything you don't want to do."

I smile at him. "Thanks."

"Except go to the gym. We will be doing that."

My smile falls. "I hate you."

"I know. Let's go."

-
Valentine's Day special

"Um. Caleb?" I ask timidly, twisting the hem of my shirt.

"What's a matter, babe?"

"I want to show you something."

He turns, a little concerned. "What happened, is there something wrong?"

I shake my head, then take a calming breath. "I need you to turn around and close your eyes until I tell you."

He smiles, then nods. After I'm sure he's not looking, I slowly take off my shirt. The warm air caresses my exposed chest.

"Okay." I gulp.

He spins his chair around, and immediately slaps his hand over his mouth. "Oh my god!"

"Do you like it?" I ask sheepishly.

"I thought you didn't like not wearing a shirt." His eyes are full of concern. He knows this is out of character for me.

"It's something my therapist and I have been working on. Finding ways to be confident and whatever. I've been shirtless more over the last few days, but always in private."

"Why did you choose today?" Caleb stands.

"It's Valentine's Day." I blush and look at the ground. "I know that's kind of cheesy-"

Caleb stops me by waving his hands. "No, no! I think it's perfect. I think you're perfect. I'm... so proud of you, sky." He holds my hands. "Is a hug okay?"

I close my eyes and nod. "Yeah. Um... just a little."

He wraps his arms around me and I smile. His hugs are the best. He kisses me on the ear. Then the neck. Then my shoulder.

"There are freckles here too." He laughs. "You're just the cutest."

He pulls away and can't keep the smile off his face. "What do you want me to do? Cuz I honestly want to hug you so tight that you explode."

I roll my eyes and shove him away. "You're so weird."

"You have no idea." He squishes my face and gives me a lil kiss on the nose.

-

Chile, any way soooooo