𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 // 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡

54 ⋆ 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣!?

Billie

i don't wanna do this

my chest heaves as i follow a nurse through a skinny hallway, in the clinique were currently at.

i look back at lola right behind me and it calms my nerves even in the littlest way. i know I'm just going in to talk... but i can't help but be the slightest bit of nervous.

i feel it inside

or that might just be hormonal... i dunno. i never know the difference anymore.

but I'm tired of talking...

about me, my reproductive, or anything that even involves it

I'm past over it.

"Okay... this part you actually have to do alone" the nurse turns to me and lola as we reach the office room and she eyes the smaller girl beside me.

which she then nods and puts her vision on me. her fingertips brush my hand and i exhale shakily.

i was getting ready to speak before she interrupted with a small reassuring smile.

"it's okay... I'll be right out there waiting for you, alright?" lola tells me,

i keep eye contact with her that was promoting

'i need you more though'

and she notices which makes her bite her lip and look down, but i just nodded and caught her hand

"okay" i say in a soft tone and only a half faked smile as she slips away from me and a frown takes upon my lips as she does so, but soon i jumped out of my somber when the nurse speaks up. and walks into her office with me.

she goes straight to her desk and I stood at the door for a moment hesitant before taking a seat in front of her. i sigh and look up at the diplomas sitting on the wall just above her before she speaks,

"so I know this is your first time having to deal with abortion options, and I know you're really young so I'm gonna try my best to make you feel as safe and pressureless as possible okay?" she explains with a kind smile as she observes the way I cross my leg and fold my arms in reflex discomfort.

but I can say, everyone's been so nice to me during all of this. probably much more than i deserve. i wonder if everyone gets treated like this... or if it's just because they feel pity for me, or the fact that im.. well... "billie eilish"

"okay," i say bluntly, just before my eyes widened a bit when she pulls out a clipboard. I should be used to all this calculating of every word that comes out of my fucking mouth. I mean i guess it is a given, I've been hiding what goes on behind closed doors in the past three years of my life to everyone i know.. what if they don't even trust me anymore?

snapped out of my thoughts once again, the nurse looks up at me with a reassuring look and smile on her face,

"now I'm just gonna ask you a few questions so i know you're not being forced into this and you honestly know everything that's going on.. i promise nothing you say here will be passed on or told to anyone. I just have to know that your secure, and if not, so i can help you"

she looks through me with a sincere look in her eye as we exchange contact across the table, i swallow a bit as i nod, she proceeds to read off the papers in front of her.

"and the questions might be a little personal, i  have to ask you about your relationships and things because they could have an effect on your health.. and all you have to do is answer yes or no" she explains.