Polaroids s.m.+ c.c.

chapter twenty three

She felt like someone punched her as he knees started to get weaker. Her hand gripped his and she felt at ease as he held it.

Her eyes turned to his.
He was already watching at her
"Everything is alright" he sounded like he was convincing himself.

"Okay" she nodded.

His hand sneaked around her waist and he hugged her.
She wanted to sob, to scream at God, asking him why did He do that to them - mostly Shawn.
His arms protected her, but he was protecting himself as he was holding her tightly, scared if they let breath out they would crumble down and cry.

They walked back, clinging to each other, as they hit the bed, they climbed into it as he laid down, she placed her head on top of his chest.
They laid in silence.

Listening to his heart beats, she closed her eyes, but demons of the past couldn't let her calm down.

Everything they have been thought, is right here with them.
Every beautiful moment from feeling best kind of kisses and luck, to laughter that made them sick to stomach.
To their walls crumbling down, breaking pieces of heart shattered everywhere.
All together, in this place, in this strange mysterious place where everything felt familiar but meant to be forgotten.

"Talk to me" she whispered as his arm protected her more.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Your healing time -how did it go?" She looked up at him, he was gazing into nothing.

"When I went away?"

"Yes, please Shawn - I want to know"

He sighed closing his eyes "the morning I left" her heart hammered into her ribcage.

"I couldn't get you off of me, I kissed you for a longer then I should because you woke up - but I knew you were tired I cuddled you into blankets and left you to sleep"

Her breath caught up in her throat, tensing a little bit his fingers ran over her sides and she slowly calmed down.

"I went to Spain, spend some time there, then Italy, but I never went anywhere where you said you would like to go - you know those villages and beautiful nature. I based in cities" she gripped onto his torso as she listened "I wouldn't do that without you"

"In Italy I got job, I worked in this amazing restaurant for three months"

"Did you try every pizza?" She asked and he chuckled "no, but most of them yes"

"Summers were amazing, filfulled with busy life and time passed by quickly" he stopped taking a deep breath,
"Then I went to France, to one small village"

"Is that where you met her?" She didn't dare to say her name.

"Yes" he quietly answered.

"I worked for her family, they make wine, I - um, stayed there for a while" she wanted to cry because of the thing how he says it - like he's ashamed.

"It's alright Shawn - I understand"

He kissed top of her head whispering "I've never went to Paris, I couldn't face the memory from our trip to that city when we where seventeen"

She looked up at him with pity smile
"Did you forget about me?" The fear in her voice made her regret question she stated.

"No, never, I could never forget you Camila"

"But -"

"I know what it looks like it's confusing me too - I - I don't know" he took a deep breath as she looked at him, "I don't need an explanation Shawn"

"No, you do" he locked his eyes with her's "leaving Camila was the easiest part, because staying here with you, wouldn't let me live because I know how bad I hurt you in so many ways I can't even explain. Staying would been the hardest thing. You weren't living Camila, as I was sinking you were too, maybe even deeper than me"

"Shawn -" he cut her off "please, don't Camila"

"No, Shawn - I just want you to know, that I'm not mad"

He looked at her, as she placed her hand over his heart.
"I - I'm happy because you're back, you're healed, of course I was mad because you didn't let me be the part of your healing. But now I see why. I couldn't thank you more, but Shawn - are you there?"

She pointed at his heart.
"Did healing bring new Shawn that I don't know - or is it my old Shawn?"

He felt his heart drop to his stomach and he closed his eyes, "I don't know"
"If it's new or old"

"I think it's new" she whispered "that's okay" he shocked his head.

"We will set some boundaries about Kiara - I don't know how is this gonna work"

"What are you saying?"

"Sometimes I can't be around you Shawn" she admitted "I need to get my life together, but with you being around that is - scary"

"You don't want me in your life?" He asked her, sadness written all over his face.

"No, I want you in Kiara's life but you need to make some decisions if you're gonna be in her full life, that means being in mine too"

"How much time do I have?" He asked understanding her point.

"As much as you need, but not over a year, please"

She laid back on his chest, missing the feel being wrapped around him, to fall asleep.
As they laid in silence she remembered how it is to fall into sweet slumber of dreams with him being her guardian angel.

A/n; thank you for all of your support, I can't even find words to say how grateful on each one of you.
comment what you think and vote. Xx