Sanders Sides Oneshots

Genie {Intrulogical}

That was even better, who would be a better match for him then another wackadoodle? Then again he couldn't really think of someone by name that he'd want to go out, if he knew someone he wanted to sleep with he would have already done it. Eh, he could come back to that one.

"So, I can't wish for infinite wishes, but can I wish for more wishes?" He asks carefully.

"No," Logan deadpanned.

"Well, f#ck me gently with a chainsaw," He muttered, and yes, he had seen Heathers. It was the only musical he remotely approved of besides Avenue Q.

Still, there were plenty of great wish ideas he could use, Logan couldn't shoot them all down. Well, he probably couldn't. He could wish to topple a small country's government, and become their dictator as a result. He could wish to turn Roman into a girl, so he could finally become the Heather Chandler he was meant to be. Actually, perhaps Heather McNamara was a better choice for the insecurity and depression points. He could wish for a condom that doubled as a fish tank so he would finally have a place to put his pet fish, because Janus didn't appreciate his hat being used for that purpose. Heck, he could wish to change Virgil's name to Virgin!

He decided to focus on his main priority, "I wish for an infinite stick of flavor-changing deodorant."

Logan paused, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Well, I can't just have it stay the same flavor, that would get too repetitive," He reasoned, thinking that was the problem the genie had with it, "Besides, those things are getting expensive and everyone I know has gotten too good at hiding them."

"I give up," Logan grumbled, snapping his fingers. A stick of deodorant appeared in Remus's hand, and it looked like there were colored layers that would rarely repeat for the different flavors.

"Hell yes!" Remus immediately took a large bite out of it, "I wish to own a school bus that can't be damaged. When Pat and Jan's kid starts school someone's gonna have to break that sucker out and they're both cowards that think education is 'important'."

Logan snapped again, and Remus pressed his face to the front window of his house, spotting the large school bus. He'd have to get rid of that ugly yellow color eventually, but for now he'd have to keep it the same so the school workers wouldn't suspect that it wasn't supposed to be there.

"Great, and your third wi-" Logan starts, intending to ask what he wants for his third wish. Most people didn't rush through them, but it seemed he was the type to.

He was interrupted by Remus pressing his lips to Logan's, causing the immortal being to turn bright red, "Huh, I was kinda hoping I would gain some magical powers by doing that," Remus said, a little disappointed.

Logan, meanwhile, resembled an old Microsoft computer with the way he was stuttering, "Wh- You can't- D- Why would you even- What?!"

"Man, you're even more sheltered than Patton, aren't you?" Remus determines, "Kinda surprised no one's ever thought to do it with a genie. See what happens."

It shouldn't be that surprising, at least that's what Logan thought. There wasn't really a way to have intercourse with a genie, as Remus had suggested. That is unless he took a human form, but he suspected that would turn out strangely, because at the end of the day Remus would still be human and he wouldn't.

"Oh, I know!" Logan snapped back to reality when Remus spoke, "What if I wish for you to become a human, because if Disney has taught me anything other than consent is dead, it's that genies kinda hate being genies. I'm sure Patton would love having another kiddo, and I can already tell you and Virgin will have lots of fun talking about his crazy conspiracies, since you probably hold the secrets of the universe and stuff."

"P-pardon?" Logan asked, sure he must have heard him wrong. H

Humans never thought about freeing him, it was yet another thing he hated about the fairytales. They almost always made the main character an upstanding person who set the genie free in the end, but it never turned out that way in real life. It didn't help that he was frustrated about that being one of the only accurate things in those stories, that genies were forever cursed to be subservient to whoever held their lamp.

"I wish for you to become a human, because you apparently won't give me any more free sh!t because of that 'three wishes only' rule," Remus told him, and Logan couldn't keep himself from snapping if he tried.

"Your wish is my command."

A/N: Ok, so I know I recently asked for intrulogical prompts on my announcement page, so it seems kinda mean for me to use my own idea. But I thought of how funny it would be to see Remus and Logan argue over things you can and can't wish for like the stereotypical "I wish for infinite wishes" gag. Also, my longest intrulogical oneshot yet!