Disenchanted (Frerard) Wattys2015

Chapter 20

Deep in the pit of my stomach those motherfucking butterflies were on crack or some shit again, I was adamant this was an absolutely absurd idea, remind me why I agreed to this. This was clearly not a good thing if my stomach was churning like this, bad sign, just don't pussy out Frank, come on.

Trying to distract myself, I looked out of the window watching the shrubbery fly past in a blur of green and brown, the sun blinding me in the gaps between the trees. The lush green forest didn't last long though and we were soon back in uburn surroundings, I preferred to look at the greenery it distracted me, these buildings were not only unattractive but also reminded that I was now staying in Belleville four days, not returning until Saturday evening. I couldn't really expect much countryside between New York and Jersey though could I, ridiculous, but I could always dream.

Turning away from the boring reddy bricks now flying past the car window, I looked down at my feet, the nauseated feeling in my stomach only increased making me actually want to be sick just to kill the pain. It's one thing being bloated, or car sick, that's fine carsick - you know it'll be gone once you get out fo the car, and you can cure it with bracelets and tablets, bloated - it goes after a while or if you've eaten far too much you're sick then you feel fine, but worry, fretting that's a much worse queasy feeling. The sickly feeling when you're worried is so much worse, it doesn't go unless you stop worrying and I just can't.

Worrying is all I was capable of right then, I can't begin to explain how much I'm fearing, it ranges from simply being in Belleville, staying with Mikey - who hates my guts - seeing my friends, seeing my family and seeing Jamia. Staying with Mikey was driving me insane, it was bad enough that I would be staying with anyone who I don't really know and expecting them not to mind, but Mikey hates me and I don't blame him, I hate me for what I did to Gerard too, I could've so easily caused his death, drugs and alcohol can kill so easily. Being in Belleville in general and reminiscing all the memories I wanted so badly to forget. Seeing anyone would be bad, they would all go ballistic my family or any friends, but I feared Vic and Hannah's reactions most, I had no doubt in the world Vic would jump me, beat me to a pulp them probably apologize to extremes and smoother me in love, and Hannah, she would probably slap me - knowing her weak and feebly - then cry on me and hug me for hours, okay so nothing to be scared of particularly but definitely a lot of guilt. And finally it's not like I could ever come back to Belleville and not visit Jamia, I suppose I felt worst for this, I told her I would always come back and then I didn't, this was Jamia I couldn't stand myself for being such an asshole.

"Gerard I-I think I'm going to be sick, we should probably go back." My mouth opened chickening out before I could even stop myself.

"Nope." He protested seeming oblivious to everything I had just said, it was good really, I shouldn't be chickening out.

"I think I got Kyle's sickness, or something." I said just playing along with what I had started, I really wasn't looking forward to this.

"No you don't," He shook his head turning to face me then putting his hand to my forehead, "You're fine." Obviously I didn't have a temperature.

"Okay, if I puke in you're car th-"

"I don't care Frankie, puke in my car, we're going whether you're ill or not." He cut me off snapping at me, I sunk back in my chair great. "Ten minutes anyway we're almost there." I whimpered in protest screwing my eyes shut and trying to distract myself with the music for the rest of the journey.

When we arrived, hesitating with almost every step I made, I grabbed my bag following Gerard to Mikey's flat. This without doubt was where the first thing would go wrong, I could be sure of it. Endless possibilities filled the list of problems could be, from Mikey living with Hannah or someone, to them hosting a surprise 'party' with everyone I knew just to make life hell. I didn't want to be here at all really, but I especially didn't want the awkwardness of staying with Mikey, I liked Mikey, or what I knew of him, but if he had done to Gerard what I unintentionally did I think I would hate him too. Maybe I was just worrying too much, life is how it is, there's nothing I can do really is there. No, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up Frank.