Disenchanted (Frerard) Wattys2015

Chapter 34

~ A/N Please could I just stress that, if this is depressing or you hate me for it I'm really sorry but please don't smash your face into walls or anything, I'm sure anyone is joking when they say that stuff, but just in case you're not I wanted to say because you guys are my world, I love you so much and I don't want you to hurt yourselves, enjoy :] ~

A week. A whole week. I'm going crazy, insane actually, I'm becoming a madman.

I haven't been to work once since, Ronnie let me have it off with pay due until Kyle was found, but even if he hadn't I think Gerard would've been ringing him and saying I was off on sick leave. No, I have not forgiven Gerard, I don't know if I ever will if I'm honest, never the less he is here. He is here purely because a) I don't think I trust myself to live alone, b) he needs somewhere to stay and c) it's only fair when he is probably trying harder to find Kyle than me. That makes me sound like a total asshole, I am trying so hard to find him, I've rung everyone I know, I've rung the police, I've checked every single apartment in both mine and Gerard's apartment blocks and I called everyone in Belleville too.

After day two, my hope virtually completely disappeared, there is only a tiny glimmer left and that is slowly disintegrating. Sober is one thing I haven't been for day's, I've only been hungover today, because when I started drinking on Wednesday I haven't stopped since. Gerard decided to fucking care, throwing all the alcohol and not letting me buy more, so on Monday afternoon, I'm dying on the couch with the biggest hangover I have ever experienced. Giving up is something I am so close to, I have completely lost the will to live, I think somebody kidnapped it when they took Kyle. That too, just decreased and decreased since Kyle disappeared.

Quite frankly, I don't know why I even let Gerard save me, why I let him help me, really it just brought me more pain. Wanting to live was something I didn't feel like doing, I lost my son and I was pushing the only other person I loved away. What was I doing with my life? Nothing good that's for sure. If Kyle never came back then I really was done, I would never forgive Gerard, I would never let him back in and therefore I would be done, I would have no reason to live.

Groaning due to the murderous throbbing in my head, I stood up dragging myself into the kitchen, I rummaged for some Advil before remembering it was on the top shelf in the cupboard so Kyle couldn't get to them. Making another groan-like noise, I dragged a chair across the floor positioning it before the cupboard, I climbed onto it, blinking to keep my eyes open. My stability was not at it's best and I was a little worried I would fall off, but I managed to balance and search through the cupboard.

Finding the Advil, I dropped it down onto the counter beneath me, preparing to step down I stopped when I noticed something at the back of the cupboard. Sitting at the back of the cupboard, unopened was a bottle of Jack Daniels, I needed something to down the tablets, so just a mouthful would be fine, plus Gerard wasn't here so he couldn't stop me. Grabbing the bottle, I turned around looking down, my co-ordination was pretty off so I would go slow one foot at a time. Stupidly, I didn't put the Jack Daniels down, I kept it in my hand as I lifted my right foot off the chair, conveniently it was also when the front door swung in and Gerard bolted in shouting my name.

Due to the shock of him coming so suddenly and knowing he would be very disappointed if he saw me with the alcohol, I froze. However as I was so badly coordinated, I wobbled causing me to drop the bottle soon my body following it to the floor. The bottle landed seconds before me smashing, leaving glass and alcohol across the floor, lucky for me I feel the opposite direction, but it still hurt when I landed on my ass on the floor.

"Frank?" Gerard cried sprinting into the room clearly the bottle worrying me. "What the hell Frankie?" He asked a little annoyed, but mostly disappointed and sympathetic. Spotting the Advil on the worktop, he tipped two onto his handing them to me, after helping me of course, He ran me a glass of water for me to down the pills with, before asking again, "What's going on Frankie?"