Remedy | 𝘌𝘳𝘦𝘔𝘪𝘬𝘢

21. Tired

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy.
Nobody said it would be this hard.

-Coldplay's The Scientist.

______

We have two weeks of vacation. I am not grateful because school works are the only one that can divert my mind from overthinking. I read some blogs about LDRs and they ended up with each other because odthe understanding and trust they have for each other.

But no matter how many blogs I read, the pain is still there. It has been three days since that fainting incident and I still haven't received any reply from him. No call backs. I never bothered to message him or call him. I am just, tired. Too tired. Exhausted.

I looked at the city view from my window, while still sitting on my bed. I am so tired of waiting for his reply or for him to call back. Maybe we should end this. Maybe we are thinking this will work because we are too blinded by romance but this is the reality! We will never work.

Tears started falling. I sighed and lied down on the bed. I covered my face with my arm again as I continue to cry. I started getting hiccups but I still cried. I have to release the pain. Staying silent won't heal this.

I cried when I remember his words. It made me think twice. My memories with him made me think that all of this is worth fighting for so I just need a little more patience and understanding. I think that is what he is doing too. Trying to regain energy because he is drained. But there is a part of me that is saying this will just make me feel tired. It will just pain me more. But there will always be this portion in my mind that thinks all of the pain will result to something beautiful. Something great.

No, this has to end.

If I am not gonna end things with him, how is our future gonna turn out? Toxic? Worse? I don't know. So we should end this nonsense as early as possible. We should wake up to the reality of the romance we are trying to take to forever. Because things will turn out the way we didn't expect it to be.

I got a notification on my phone. I checked it and saw that it was a random number

From : Unknown

'I am sorry for not being with you, Mika.'

I stared at my cellphone screen. Tears started falling more. They are falling like there is no tomorrow. Why do I have to experience this kind of pain? This world has brought me pain before, I am full of heartbreaks. I sometimes feel tired too. I am just a human who also have my limits. Is this Eren?

From : Unknown

'We have a two-week vacation. Should I go there? I will do everything you tell me to make up for the times I am not with you. I am sorry.'

To : Unknown

'Eren?'

From : Unknown

'Yeah. How are you? I love you.'

I took a pillow to hug and cry to. I wanted to stay but I can't lose myself to keep on loving you. He is right, you don't have to be whole to be loved. But you have to be whole to give the proper kind of love. And right now, we are still broken. We should live for ourselves first and maybe someday, we are gonna be given a chance to mend our broken past. I put the pillow aside and texted back.

To : Unknown

'I need rest. We both need rest.'

It was just seconds before he replied.