Loving You is a Losing Game

chapter sixteen

(I LEFT A HINT IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER)
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Five days had gone by, it was now the day of Spencer's funeral. You were feeling nauseous, a feeling you had grown accustomed to in the last few weeks. Most of your time had been spent in his old apartment, packing up his things and sleeping in his bed. You had yet to receive any more correspondence from Thomas, which you were somewhat grateful for as you knew you wouldn't be able to handle it at the moment. In the middle of getting ready, you got a call from Luke.

"Hi Y/N. I just wanted to call and let you know to meet us at the funeral home by 8 am, the whole team's going to be there."

"Hey Luke, I'll be over there soon. I'm almost done getting dressed", you said, hanging up shortly after.

You finished getting ready and got into your car, driving to the funeral home. Luke was right, the whole team was there to pay their respects, members past and present. They all talked to you and gave their condolences. You saw Morgan and Savannah in the distance, Morgan hugging Penelope as she broke into tears. He walked up to you.

"Hey", he said tapping you on the shoulder.

"Hi Derek. How's Hank doing?"

"He's doing pretty good but what we should focus on right now is you. How are you doing with all of this?"

"I'm as good as you could expect me to be I guess. I haven't heard anything from Thomas since Spencer died which is making me feel even worse, it's like that was what Thomas had wanted all along and now that's its finally happened I don't know what to do. I stopped getting threats from him but at what cost, the love of my life is also dead, even if it wasn't directly Thomas' fault or mine."

"Y/N, don't think like that. Pretty boy wouldn't want you blaming yourself, this is in no way your fault, trust me."

"Thanks Derek. Excuse me, I have to go. I'll be right back."

You rushed into the bathroom, the feeling of nausea overwhelming you once again. After puking, you exited the stall and were met by a tall woman with brown hair.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah sorry. I've been feeling really bad lately, I think it's just the stress from everything going on right now."

She stared and you and gave a knowing nod.

"I'm Elle Greenaway, an old teammate of Spencer's. He was a really good guy, always checking up on me after cases when I wasn't doing too well. I'm sorry for your loss Y/N."

"So you're the Elle he'd spoken about before. It's nice to finally put a face to the name. How long are you going to be in town? I'd love to learn more about your time together on the team."

"I am, thanks. I'm sorry, I actually have to leave right now. I don't know how kindly the team would take to seeing me again. It was nice meeting you, I'm sure you'll be a great mother."

You stood there in shock, the woman you had met moments prior, making such a stark assumption. A few seconds later, you came back to focus once again and walked outside of the bathroom. His current teammates and you drove together to the cemetery for Spencer's burial, the others following behind.

You exited the car and stood outside with everyone as they said their words about him. It felt as if you had already said all that you needed to when you said your goodbye. You placed your rose on top of the casket, whispering a silent, "I love you" before it was lowered into the ground. The moment was surreal, it was something you had never expected to happen, at least not in the way it did, knowing the dangers of his job.