EVER SINCE WE WERE TEN

CHAPTER 33

"You ok?" nagulat ako ng bahagyang naoikin ni Kyle ang balikat ko. When I looked back at the crown, he's not longer there.

"H-ha? Ah, oo. I'm thirsty." Kyle opened the water bottle and gave it to me. My eyes are still busy roaming around the area, trying to sight the man again. He's already gone kaya hinayaan ko na baka coincidence lang.

I caught Kyle staring at me. There's something in his eyes I cannot fathom. He always look at me this way, but today, something is different. I don't know why, but I know there's something.

Naconscious naman ako sa pagtitig niya kaya iniwas ko ang mukha ko.

"What?" He immediately diverted his attention. Inalis na niya ang pagkakatitig niya and he shook his head na para bang nababaliw na siya

"N-nothing. Malampit ng dumilim. Let's ride the ferris wheel, shall we? I have something to tell you." Kyle offered his hand to me and I accepted it. Nacu-curious ako kung anong sasabihin niya pero ngpadala nlang ako sa hila niya. Malalaman ko rin naman mamaya.

I often see this in movies and I dreamt to be here with him. In a place with a romantic and quiet atmosphere, only me and him.

As the we go higher from the ground, we can see the buildings and beautiful streetlights from here. A wonderful view, indeed.

I felt Kyle held my hand. Napatingin naman ako sa kamay naming pinagsiklop niya then I focused to him. Doon ko napansin ag malalalim na titig niya saakin.

"Rian, I really wanted to tell you this ever since but I was a coward." The ride stopped exactly when we reached the peak. I looked at him trying to figure out what he wants to say.

"Nagsisisi ako kung bakit hindi kita pinakinggan noon, kung bakit kita iniwasan. Naging duwag ako na harapin ka at sabihin sa'yo ang totoo. Juliet was not my girlfriend. I never liked her or any other girls. S-she asked for my help. At first, I refused, but when I knew it was about your mother, I agreed" he's starting to open up. The long over due explanation has been served.

"My mother?" I'm confused. Paanong nasali si mommy? 

"Your mother has a relationship with Juliet's father, Rian." his revelation shocked me. 

"W-what?" my mind was blank. I recalled daddy saying that mom left us for another man, and that man is Juliet's father?

"Juliet was against with their relationship that's why she asked for my help. I refused. But she threatened me that she will tell you. I know how hurt you would feel once yo knew kaya pumayag ako. I know how much you love your mother. Those times that I was with Juliet, I was trying to talk to your mother. I know how hurt you would feel if you knew that your mother is with another man, Rian. I tried winning her over for you, but I failed. I was so scared and worried about you that I tried to hide it from you until now," I'm still processing all his revelations. My mind is in chaos and my heart has these mixed and unsettling emotions.

"I love you" napatingin ako sa kanya sa gulat. My eyes wide, my mouth hang open. 

"W-what?" does he mean, he love me as a friend? He always tells me how he treasured me, but this time, his eyes are different. The way he said those words are different.

"I love you ever since we were ten, Brianna. I was just too scared that I may not be the best for you. I was scared that you I'm not yet worthy for you. I always tell you that you only deserve the best, right? I wanted to be the 'best' for you. Pero yung takot at kaduwagan ko ang naglayo sayo saakin. I hurt you, I made you cry, and I can't forgive myself for that. I thought that you will never come back. I was so miserable when you left Rian, and I regret leaving you all alone while facing your darkest times. I- I thought, I'll lose you, a-akala ko hindi ka na babalik when you had an accident. I was so scared Rian. I don't know what will happen to me if you... if you...." He sniffed. My heart ached knowing that he was also suffering for me, with me during those years.

 "That night when you confessed, I really wanted to say I love you too but I can't. I held myself back because I know, I'm not yet enough. I don't want to pursue you yet until I became successful and can stand on my own because that's what you deserve. I thought you can still wait for me, but I was wrong. Now you have your fiance and I lost my chance. But, I still want to prove my feelings for you Rian. Will you let me?" I was unable to speak. I can see sincerity, love, and regret in his eyes which made my heart ache. My years are now falling and his too. Wala akong maisagot. I want to tell him that I still love him but my thoughts are in chaos. I can't grasp this much information.

"I was so jealous when I saw you with Shawn. I thought,that should be me who's taking care of you, protecting you, loving you. I kept thinking if I wasn't a coward, ako sana ang nasa tabi mo. Ako sana ang nasa posisyon niya. I'm too late, I know. Ngayon ko lang narealize na hindi ko pal kayang mapunta ka sa iba, Rian. I can be the best, I'll make myself the best man for you. I don't want to come in between your relationship with Shawn. Pero gusto ko lang na kahit sandali, kahit sa huling pagkakataon, I can prove myself to you. I can express my love for you." I just stayed silent. I was anticipating kung may idadagdag pa siya but he was quiet.

Hanggang sa makababa na kami ng ferriswheel, nakatulala pa rin ako. I can feel him squeezing my hand but I ignoted it. I'm busy sorting all the details in my head.

"I'm sorry for making you so confused, Rian.. You don't have to answer it. I just want you to know that I mean everything I said." I just nodded and my mind is swimming woth thoughts. We were both quiet the whole ride and I'm thankful na wala na siyang revelation na idinagdag. Hindi niya man lang ak0 inorient na plano na niyang magpaliwanag and now my mind seems to be not functioning.

He dropped me off to our house.

"Good night Rian. Stop thinking about it for now. Let's talk again next time ok? Rest, please" I just nodded and hurriedly went inside. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na makabalik sa kanila because my mind still can't commprehend.

My mom left us for Juliet's dad.

He tried to win back my mom for me.

He'd been thinking about me, caring for me.

He loves me too.

He's making himself the best for me.

My Kyle. My home. How deep do you want me to fall? Hindi pa nga ako nakakaahon, nilulunod mo na ulit ako.