EVER SINCE WE WERE TEN

CHAPTER 12

"What the fuck is that bitch doing here?!" nilagok ko ang inumin na nakita ko sa lamesa namin.

"You're not invited, are you? HAHAHA" I laughed hysterically while watching both of them wide eyed and watching me lose my sanity.

"That's enough Rian. Andami mo nang nainom." Kyle stood up and held me to sit.

"Oh! my Kyle. My beloved bestfriend. What are you doing with this bitch? hmm?" I hugged him and buried my face in his chest.

"We're just talking. Come on, it's already 1am. Let's go home." Inakay na niya ako ako, palabas sana sa bar but I stopped him with his tracks.

"No! Juliet is stealing you from me!" I shouted and pointed my finger to Juliet.

Hindi pa rin gumagalaw si Juliet sa upuan niya at tulala lang na nakatingin sakin, maybe still processing what the hell happened to me and my freaking face. I feel so sweaty and hot, and I know I look haggard.

Hindi na ako pinakinggan pa ni Kyle. Kiladkad lang niya ako palabas sa bar nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam sa mga classmates namin. Hilong-hilo pa rin ang nararamdaman ko, and my mind is in chaos, I am not aware of what I am doing.

Paglabas namin nang bar, pilit kong kinakalas ang kamay niyang nakahawa sakin.

"I know you were with Juliet when you let me go home alone." he looks flabbergasted. Tumigil siya sa paglalakad at tiningnan ako.

"W-we had to talk about something." iniwas niya ang tingin sakin and my tears started pooling my eyes.

"You're lying to me again! What is happening to you? Is she your girlfriend? Are you bored and tired of me?! You never lied to me and your mom Kyle, ever. Now, you're changing and slipping away!" my sudden outburst made him still. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa utak ko at basta ko nalang nasasabi ang mga salitang lumalabas sa bunganga ko. I feel like I have all the courage in the world to say everything I want to say.

"H-hey, no. no. Stop crying." he extended his arms to hug me but I abruptly refused. 

"She's stealing you away from me! S-she said, she will drive you away from me! Aagawin ka niya Kyle. I'll have no one, she'll have you. no!" I'm now sobbing and crying so hard. Para akong natataranta, natatakot.

"Shhh, she's not stealing me away from you ok?" he said trying to comfort me. He pulled me into a hug but I'm still resisting.

"NO! SHE HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST ME! SHE LIKES YOU AND SHE PLANNED THIS! BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THAT I LOVE YOU!" he looked at me, shocked about my sudden confession. Word just keeps coming out of my mouth without my control.

"I love you Kyle, more than a bestfriend should. S-she knows that and she will steal you away from me!" 

"W-what?!" he's shocked. Nabato siya sa kinatatayuan.

"I love you--"

"No! don't say that. You can't love me." he cut me off and stepped back, but I still continued

"I love you as a man Kyle. Simula pa noon, mahal na kita. I was so scared of losing our friendship that I--

"THAT'S ENOUGH BRIANNA!!" Dumagundong ang boses niya sa tahimik na parking lot. He looks furious.

"I told you that you can't fall for me Brianna, didn't I? Yun lang ang hiniling ko sayo! Ang wag akong mahalin nang higit pa sa pagkakaibigan!" He looked at me with his cold, angry eyes.

"B-but I--"

"That's enough. We're going home." he is now using his low, dark voice and I know this isn't good. Pero dahil sinimulan ko na, tatapusin ko na rin.

"You can't love me because you love someone else? I understand. But please, atleast let me love you. I love you so much, and ikaw nalang meron ako. I can't lose you too. please." I am sobbing and begging. That's it. I ruined our relationship. I might lose him, and everything might just be a memory.

"Get in the car Brianna, enough of this nonsense." he went inside the car without even glancing at me. 

Nakayuko lang ako sa buong byahe. He's not talking either. Nararamdaman ko ang galit at disappointment na nararamdaman niya. Kasalanan ko. I ruined us. Bumalik man sa dati ang lahat, alam kong nagkaroon na nang lumot and pagkakaibigan namin. It feels like I waisted our 9 years of friendship just for my stupid feelings.

It was because of the alcohol. Yan ang tinataga ko sa isip ko. But I know, deep inside, I've always wanted more from him, I assumed more from his actions towards me. I'm insane. What the hell did I just do?

He dropped me in our house. I'm supposed to sleep in theirs. But what can I do? This is all my fault.

"Kyle, I'm sor--

"Just. Just get inside." he said, cutting me from my apologies. Without throwing me a glance, he drove away and went to their house. I feel so stupid

"Please, let's talk it out. I'm sorry, just hear me out please?" Unti unti na namang yumulo ang mga luha ko.

"Not now Brianna. Go" he never looked at me again. he just let me go without even saying anything. Without looking back, he drove away.

I went to my room, without even washing my face, I cried my heart out. Wala na. Mawawala na siya nang tuluyan sa'kin. It was all beacuse of me. what have I done?

I can't just ask him to forget everything tonight. I wonder if he will still talk to me. 

Now I'm here again, curled up in my dark room, contemplating and hurting.  I just lost my one only friend, family, my home. I drove him away. Parang nawala ang kalasingan ko sa kagagahan ginawa ko ngayon gabi. Magdamag lang akong umiyak, at nag-iisip. 

I wish I could still turn back time.