EVER SINCE WE WERE TEN

CHAPTER 28

"Call me when you land. Update me ok? I'll go if things go out of hand" paalala ko kay Shawn. He hugged me and kissed my cheeks.

"Take care. I know you can handle him" bulong niya sa'kin at sumakay na ng sasakyan. Ihahatid kasi siya ng driver patawid nang dagat sakay ang barge at papunta sa airport. Gustohin ko mang sumama, hindi pwede dahil walang maiiwan para sa business nila daddy and Mr. Miller.

"Tara na?" nasa likod ko pala si Kyle. Hindi ko napansin na sumunod pala siya saamin ni Shawn sa parking.

I walked pass him at pumasok na sa hotel. Nakasunod pa rin siya sakin.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" kung sana lang pareho lang kami nung dati, hindi na ako magdadalawang isip na magkwento sa kanya.

"I know. But I won't." I stopped my tracks and looked at him coldy in the eyes.

"Stop caring. You don't have too. I can handle myself" I said and continued walking away from him. Bago pa man ako makalayo, he grabbed my arms at dinala niya ako pabalik sa tabing dagat.

"Let's talk. Gusto ko nang bumalik tayo sa dati. Hindi ko na kaya" he buried his face on my neck. I just stood still and waited for him to talk. If he wants to talk, then go. But he can't expect me to listen just like how he refused to listen to me before.

Minutes have passed and he was silent.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" of he wants to tell me something, the go. I don't want to beg again hoping for him to listen to my explanations kaya binibigyan ko siya nang chance na makapag explain. I don't want him to feel invalidated. Hindi ko gustong maramdaman niya ang naramdaman ko noon nung hindi niya ako hinayaang magpaliwanag.

"Are you gonna talk or not?! Sinasayang mo ang oras ko Kyle!" kumalas na ako sa yakap niya. I put a distance between us. He can't look at me directly. He stayed staring on the floor.

"I-I'm sorry. H-hindi pa ito ang tamang oras Rian. B-but I want you to know that I truly care for you. I-I'm sor---

"Enough with the apologies Kyle! Why cant you be honest with me?! Bakit hindi mo masabi?! I'm not a kid! Kaya kitang intindihin pero how can you expect me to believe nor understand you if you wont let me?!" I'm exhausted, I'm tired. Ano ba kasing gusto niya? He wants to explain but he can't? Or he CAN explain but he won't. Its his choice, I don't know what's stopping him.

"I'm really sorry, Rian."

"You know what? Stop this. I'm tired, let me rest." Agad ko siyang tinalikuran at binagtas ang daan pabalik sa hotel. I tried concealing my anger towards him simula pa noon. I can't get fully angry with him because I love him. It just feels so shitty na umaasa pa rin akong magpapaliwanag siya at ipaiintindi saakin ang nangyari noon, at kung bakit ganyan siya umakto ngayon.

As I arrived in my hotel room, wala pa si tita. Dumiretso ako sa higaan ko and looked for my phone. There were 46 missed calls from Eve and 11 from my dad. I was about to call him back nang nakatanggap ako ng tawag.

"Dad?" agad kong sinagot nang makitang si daddy ang tumatawag.

"Hija, we've been calling you. Hindi maganda ang nangyayari dito. Si Shawn?"

"Uuwi siya dyan dad. Please update me ok? I'm sorry for not answering your calls, I left it in my room" I feel guilty. How can I miss such important calls?

"Ok baby. Please answer immediately next time ok?" I nodded kahit pa hindi niya ako nakikita. We both bid goodbyes and ended the calls. Ngbihis na ako ng pajamas at naghanda nang matulog nang pumasok si tita kasama si ate Melai.

"Brianna, can you sleep next door? Wala nang kasama si Kyle doon, kaya doon ka nalang muna. And your ate Melai will stay here with me. Nawiwili na kami sa chikahan eh" nagtinginan silng dalawa at nagtawanan. Napamaang naman ako sa kanila. Me? With Kyle in one room? Nope.

"P-po? Pero----

"Thank you hija! Tulungan ka na naming ilipat ang things mo ok? Just like the old times" hindi na ako nakapagsalita pang ulit kasi nagsimula na sila tita at ate na ilipat ang gamit ko. Napipilitan akong sumunod sa kanila and my heart is beating fast. Its fine. Ngayong gabi lang 'to. Uuwi na rin naman kami bukas nang hapon kaya wala naman sigurong magiging problema diba?

When I closed the door, wala si Kyle sa kwarto kaya dumiretso n ako sa higaan at nagtalukbong ng kumot. I want to sleep habang wala pa siya. Ang awkward kung gising oa ako pagdating niya.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep pero hindi talaga ako makatulog. I heard the door clicked. Ibig sabihin, papasok na si Kyle. Nagkunwari akong tulog at pinipigilan ko ang paghinga. I feel tensed.

"I know you're awake. Ba't dito ka matutulog?" he asked in a low soft voice. Inalis ko ang pagkakatalukbong ng kumot. Buking na'ko kaya ano pang silbi.

"Sa kabila raw matutulog si ate. I have no choice" I said ignoring his gaze. Umupo naman siya sa edge ng bed na hinihigaan ko.

"What are you doing?" hinila ko ang kumot palapit saakin. He sighed and looked at me intently.

"Shawn seems like a good guy. I always wanted the best for you Rian. I'm glad you're happy" he said sincerely pero nakita ko ang pagdaan ng lungkot sa mata niya.

Hindi ko siya sinagot. Umupo ako at sumandal sa headrest.

"I'm tired. Tired for understanding you. Kailan mo ba ipapaintindi saakin? I just want to understand you so I can be fully happy."

"Rian" I'm starting to tear up.

"I love you. You know that already right? Pero hindi pa rin kita kayang ilet go because I keep considering na may dahilan kung bakit mo nagawa 'yon. I understand that you cannot reciprocate my feelings. I'm not mad about it. But Kyle, is it the reason why we broke our friendship? Ang pag-amin ko ba? I can't forgive myself for being so selfish. Na nagawa kong itapon lahat ng pinagdaanan at pinagdamahan natin para lang sa walang kwenta kong nararamdaman"

"Don't say that! It's not about you. I'm sorry" nakapalumbaba lang siya. I'm crying my eyes out. Funny how I thought that we can be together, but we ended without even starting.

"Then what is it about?! Atleast.... Atleast let me understand. I want to heal. I want to forgive myself already" ge stood up and went closer to me. He embraced me while trying to let me calm down. He's not saying anything. He kept quiet, just like what he always do. His embrace is not enough, but somehow, I can feel home.