Changed Since Texas / Post Malone

4.0

"I don't know if I can Charlie" I said in a shaking voice, my words making her crumble as she fell to the ground, Jodie and her Mom quickly walking over to her as they tried to comfort her the best that they could, when deep down I knew the only comfort that would get her through this would be for me to hold her and tell her that it was all okay, promising her that I would never leave her, just like I did outside the house moment ago. But, I don't think I was able to do that. I wasn't ready, and to be honest I didn't know if I would ever be ready.

Regardless of what my emotions were right now, seeing her like this killed me, I couldn't stand here anymore and look at her with zero control over her body or her emotions. I quickly pushed myself up, lacing my fingers behind my neck as I looked between my Dad and Mr. Roman. "I'm sorry. No disrespect, but I don't know what y'all were expecting, but I'm sorry" I said quickly, looking down at Charlie one more time as she laid in a ball on the floor, my eyes drifting over towards my son who was looking on the brink of tears himself, his arms reaching out and calling Daddy as I shook my head and walked out the door.

I slammed it harder than intended as I walked out towards my car, my wrists leaning up against the top of the door jam, my hands balled into fists that I rested my forehead against them. I started breathing heavy as I felt all of the emotions I was holding inside of me break free, the tears sliding from my eyes as I brought my fist down hard on the top of the car, not even caring if I did any kind of damage to the rental.

I couldn't believe that she hid something like this from me. I don't care what she thought she was doing it for, or how good she thought her intentions were. There are certain things that you hide from someone, but their child is not one of them. I don't care how I let her leave me that day, or the fact that I was with someone. He was ours, and despite everything I loved Charlie. I would've done anything and everything to be with her and my son. I laughed to myself just slightly finally thinking back to the conversation I had with Mark earlier today about kids, wondering why he was bringing it up to me. I don't know why I didn't put two and two together, I was so fucking stupid. The anger that made me feel pulsing through my veins again as I brought my fist back down hard on the top of the car.

For a second the horrible thought crossed my mind that it was all a lie, a sick trick to see what I would do if this were reality, but there was no denying he was mine. He looked just like me when I was a baby, I felt like I was looking at my very own baby pictures. He was adorable, and I knew that Charlie was doing an amazing job at raising him to be a kind and respectful boy. There was no doubt that I would have done everything I could to be there with them, but the fact that she kept him from me made me feel like she thought I couldn't do it. I shook my head, bringing my hands down from the top of the car as I started to reach out to open the door when my father walked out to me.

He stood just a few feet away from me, his hands in his pockets as his stare bore through me. "You don't even want to meet him son?" he asked me slowly and calmly. I started rubbing my hand over the back of my neck, shoving my right hand in my pocket as I looked down and into the drivers side of the Mercedes.

"I..I don't know" I said, being as honest as I could be with him. I truly didn't know if I wanted to get to know him. I didn't know if I would be able to sit there and talk to his little boy who clearly knew me, but I didn't even know what his favorite color was.

"I understand your anger Austin, but" he started as I cut him off.

"But what Dad? Am I supposed to go in there and forgive her and tell her it's all okay that she hid my son from me for four years!? Am I supposed to sweep them both in my arms and automatically be this happy family that we should've been since the day she found out she was pregnant with him?" I said loudly, my hands flying in front of me quickly as they always did when I got mad and talked with them more than normal.