Without Me (kagehina)

Chapter 30

A heavy feeling of dread and darkness took over the waiting room as the team, along with kenma and kuroo, sat in a dreary silence. Kageyama sat with his elbows on his knees as he leaned over, chin resting on his fists. His eyes were dry from the times he forgot to blink while getting lost in thought.

His mind was full of the most harsh and revolting ideas. Hinata's body was being poked and prodded at as he lay limp. While the doctors were clearly helping and bringing Hinata back to health, Kageyama had the selfish desire to be the one to save him.

Well, he already did save him, he just felt like it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. No matter how much he apologizes or claims he never meant for the boy to get hurt, his words would never heal the mental anguish Hinata had suffered and would be suffering.

Nothing would ever make up for the terrible shit Hinata's been through.

His thoughts grew darker with the atmosphere, getting cloudier and gloomier with the weather outside. By the time rain could be heard pouring down, Kageyamas head was filled with a false world showing no sign of Hinata. His imagination crept into the deepest parts of his mind and created the most detestable world where he live day-to-day, simply getting by.

There was no joy and passion in his sets as he tossed to his teammates, there wasn't that spark of excitement in getting to walk home with Hinata, and worst of all, there was no longer the person who first stood by him. The first person to say "I'm here with you, and I'll never leave your side." Kageyama was left abandoned and without his enthusiastic sun. He was left staring out at a dull rainy sky, which showed not a single speck of sunlight.

Kageyama was left in a world where no sun would ever shine again, at least not as bright as his sun.

"Kageyama tobio?" His head shot up to the nurse, those dark blue eyes displaying pure need and desire. The painful desire for his partner. It had been too long, while only about two hours so far, it was too long.

"I just need you to sign a few papers since you appear to be the closest to Shoyo. I hope you're willing to do so..?" Kageyama eased up knowing he should have expected as much. He was told 3-5 hours so he shouldn't have gotten hopeful in the first place. "Yes ma'am, I'll do that."

The nurse handed him a clipboard that seemed to be holding at least 8-12 papers, each one front and back. At least he'd be kept busy for a little while, hopefully able to get his mind off of things.

Through silence, other than the sounds of wind and rain, Kageyama scribbled and wrote for about thirty minutes. His hand began to ache and he only got more bored and anxious as the minutes passed. Paperwork definitely didn't do a thing to distract him.

He flipped through the papers to realize he was only about a quarter of the way finished and groaned. He rested two fingers on the bridge of his nose before rubbing his hands over his face.

"Restless? I can imagine what's going through your head." Kageyama glanced at tsukishima, taking in his words. "Do you think he'll still be..Hinata..when he wakes up. What if he doesn't have the same 'glow' that he usually does. I'm worried that after all this he won't ever go back to normal."

Tsukishima stretched a leg out and leaned back. "Hinata never had a 'normal.' He grew up happy until his father started abusing him, then he started cutting. After that, he gained a supportive team and friends, also a boyfriend, only to be beaten cruelly for it. This is just another painful piece of the hellish puzzle we call Hinata's life."

Kageyama stressfully ran a hand through his hair. Tsukishimas words were like a shot to the chest; harsh and painful but really, really real. As reality had it, they were lucky Hinata would even be around after this.