Gone

18.

I nodded, "I remember you my tomato."

"If you really did then maybe I won't be here with you, hand in hand."

"If your heart is moved, it will develop to something better and positive," I removed his hands as he stood up.

"You seem to be wise till your actions are ignored. If you actually follow what you say then you would have loved yourself till now," he held my hands tightly and it hurt, "and this wouldn't have happened again."

"I'd rather teach twenty people than to be a student and learn from my own words."

"Ok I got another task!", he muttered.

"Speak loudly," I spoke while fiddling my fingers.

"Nothing," he sat back and closed the TV. "What's going on lately?"

"You see me everyday but still asking this?", I asked in surprise.

"Sometimes what we see is just an illusion."

I huffed, "same drama everyday."

"I can understand."

"Can I ask you one question?"

"My ears are at your command my lady!"

"Is there a possibility that...."

"....that?"

"What I am seeing is also an illusion?"

"What do you mean?", He asked casually.

"I mean...is my mom drugging me?"

"What nonsense! I know you hate her but thinking this bad is not fair."

"But--"

"No buts. You always overthink."

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"Because I care about my dad."

"What about mom?"

I stayed quiet to get an appropriate legal reply.

"Isn't she the one who raised you as a single parent? How can you be so cruel Dhriti? You are mentally torturing her!"

"I am already living a life of a traveller without a destination. Don't hurt me more," I sniffed all the scent of jasmine candles burning.

"You liked the smell?", He chuckled.

"Yup," I winked.

"Still the same," he said softly.

"What should we do now? I am bored. Take out your books," I commanded and he went inside to bring his textbooks.

I don't want to rewind what he said because I know my stupid brain will start making things. A single moment of misunderstanding is so poisonous that it makes us forget the hundred lovely moments spend together within minutes. what's happening?

I am living so recklessly. We don't always need a plan. We just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens. That's what I'm gonna do. But I'll find your truth very soon dad. And close the chapter of annoying mom and cheesy doctor.

"You too honey," I smiled while looking at gone.

Ye Jun came with a bundle of books, almost impossible to be completed. I inhaled all the air around, rolled my sleeves and started sharping our soft brains.

"Uff!", I exclaimed after solving three chapters in a row. "I am more tired of solving my problems than this maths book."

"Don't be tired because of one bad chapter. Your story doesn't end here. I am sure it will be something big and magnificent. Something that will blow your mind in a positive way," he smiled.

"Thanks for motivation but I'll be more thankful if you try to solve them on your own dumbass."

"We are not perfect human beings. Nor we have to be. But it's necessary for us to be the best version of ourselves we can."

"Don't rush," I said when he kept making mistakes, "when it's time, it will happen."

"Then why are you rushing to take your decisions so early?", He kept the pen down and glared me.

"I don't understand what you say," I shrugged.

"Now who is dumb here?", He laughed and we continued with the studies.

While he was studying, my eyes were stuck at the beautiful view I was receiving. Lee Ye Jun. A guy who speaks a lot of words but my idiot brain denies to understand. A guy who loves me when I can't love myself. If he can shine, I am okay. I want to be with him, all the time. But please don't come closer, you'll be hurt. There is no reason to love someone like me. I am an empty bag filled with red blood.

When I was fed up and lost, back then when I fell into pit of despair, even if I pushed him away, even if I resented meeting him, he was firmly by my side. I say that I am going to erase him but I still can't let him go. I am scared, so scared by the thought that I will lose him once he sees my real self.

When I look at him, I only see a moon. A moon which shines in the darkness with its flaws. It doesn't care what others will think. It's still beautiful. His words....I find hard to understand. His actions are hard to be unnoticed. He acts like the happiest person on planet but talk as if experienced a lot of pain. Am I  overthinking?

He is like a moon, a part of him is always hidden away.

"Done!", He threw the notebooks.

"More is left."

"I don't wanna do," he pouted. "Look at the time, it's already evening now!"

"The sun went down pretty quickly but it's mesmerising light while stay in my heart forever."

"Let's go upstairs. The stars look amazing above your head."

"Shouldn't we decide where to sleep tonight first?"

"Come with me."

He said and I followed this tomato in his white house. I just love how his home colour theme revolves around my favourite colours. Black and white, colours of the world. They don't have shades or tints. They are what they are. Either a mixture of all colours or without any. Separate from the spectrum of life. Simple, classic and elegant. Emotionless, hypnotizing and real.

"We will sleep together?", I asked when he lead me to a room with a single king sized bed.

"Of course."

"No!"

"Look, you are my guest so I can't let you sleep on the couches or floor, and I am a tall boy," he started proving his point.

"What's the matter by being a tall boy?", my expressions were confused.

"Tell me, which part of a tall boy should be the strongest to stay fit?"

"Maybe yours legs...or shoulders?", I said after thinking deep for a while.

"No, it's my back. My back should stay strong to support my huge body. If I will sleep on the floor then my lumber and sacrum will suffer and I cant take that risk. I am not doing this for a benefit if you're thinking. Your mom trusts me and so she allowed and I can't betray her. It's just a rational decision and you like taking ration decisions, right?"

"Yes--"

"So it's final. I am sleeping on the bed too," he said and jumped on the mattress like a kid.

He yelled so fast as if rapping. It took me few minutes to process the big file he just now uploaded in my small memory card.

"Let's just sleep on the terrace!"