Gone

14.

Wearing wet clothes in a cold winter night was never a good idea. I doubt if my face is the only problem for the cat fights. I have accepted that not everybody needs to like me and I don't have to care, because caring for someone who can only harm you is a waste of time.

I am exploring the night streets all by myself. After those assholes threw dirty water on me, I had to clean myself. Such a pain in butt! Due to that argument in the morning, I even forgot to bring my blazer. All misfortunes make their way to me. Not being able to drag myself to the hell, I spent the whole day sitting on my favourite spot, under the tree.

I feel hollow. Like, I'm so recklessly living this neverending life. I don't find any reason to even keep waiting for tomorrow. It will be better to die than to live without passion. My soul is trapped in a cage called body.

When I opened my diary and held the pen tightly, the ink refused to help. I wanted to write exactly how I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty. And I couldn't have explained it any better.

I looked at my phone, hoping that somebody cared but I got zero notifications. Why does it ails me? It's better for both me and my mom that we stay out of each others life.

I checked the time and it was almost 9 p.m. I've not been taking my medicines on time lately. How long will artificial respiration help when your whole respiratory system is damaged?

I took out the red colour pill from my bag. I was told to take it whenever I feel weak. You know that I'm a bit clumsy and so to keep that tag alive, it fell from my slippery hands. I bent down to pick it up but the capsule already broke into two pieces. The complete silence scared me. Not only my breathing but also the pill drop sound was audible. I got on my knees when I found some white coloured thing coming out of the broken capsule.

I touched the powder and it was smooth and silky. It's smell somehow relieved my stress and calmed down my nerves.

I stood up after hearing the sound of a car horn. I glanced to my left to see a black coloured car standing. I started moving since I felt embarrassed as I was actually sitting on the middle of the street. I paced my speed but the car followed. Nervous body and shaking legs with arms getting weaker made me half dead with fear.

The window of the car slowly got lowered and a guy waved at me.

"Hey Dhriti!", he said and got out of the car.

I moved closer to get a more clear glimpse. It was no one else but the same old latch.

"Dr. Jung?", I rushed towards him. "Hi!"

"What are you doing here at this hour?", He glared me from top to toe. "Why are you so wet? Get inside the car."

He opened the door for me and I entered shivering. He passed me a towel from the car trunk.

"You should not roam on streets at late night," he said and made me comfortable on the seat.

"I was coming back from school."

"Is something like 'fool' or 'idiot' written on my head?", he laughed.

"I am not joking. I swear. See, I have my bag too!", I pointed at the back seat.

"You are....seriously something..."

"Haha...by the way, what are you doing here? Going to a patient's house?"

"Yes. You are my patient and I have to treat you," he winked and turned the keys to start the car. "Your mom has invited me over for dinner."

"Oh!", I exclaimed.

So now she is being openly shameless even after knowing the fact that all her secrets are unleashed. Good, I liked her confidence.

"Are you that fed up of the bullies that you have isolated yourself?", he asked in a concerned manner.

I hummed in response since I am feeling not so well to even reply.

"You are the artist of your own life. Don't hand the paint brush to anyone else."

"You don't know my story," I imitated a smile in irritation and looked outside the window as the car accelerated.

"You are just too strong Dhriti!", he laughed.

"Ahem! Ahem!", I fake coughed. "Can I know the reason for this sudden false appreciation?"

"Even though real is rare and fake is everywhere, I am not lying. You can tell how strong and dangerous is, by the way they hold their anger inside themselves quietly."

"Sounds wise. Why don't you use this overflowing wisdom to make your life even more beautiful, than wasting it?"

"There is beauty in everything. Just not everybody sees it," he pressed the clutch. "But the first snow fall of winter is the most beautiful thing. Whatever you ask for on that day, comes true."

"Don't believe in these superstitious rumours. Things like magic looks good only in fantasy novels."

"Oh really? Then was it a coincidence that I met you here, and not a magic?"

"Yes."

"There are not accidental meeting between souls," he smiled at me.

"You should save these lines for her."

"For who?", his face started making confused expressions with furrowed eyebrows and tilted lips.

"Nevermind," I shrugged him off.

"Though I am only seven years older than you, I have noticed all your manners, even the smallest ones. You have changed. Transformed from a noisy child to a quiet young adult."

"Yes I have changed. The old me was too weak to handle all this shit," I paused. "There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words but still not understand you. And there are others who will understand you even in silence."

"You know why does tragedy exists? Because you are full of rage. What are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief."

"Your smile contradicts your statement."

"Me? Happy? Am I? Don't trust my face."

I grinned like a Cheshire cat.

The street lights are nothing in compare of the stars but still are more useful. Sometimes we need to understand that a second hand advice works better than a full proof plan.

Dr. Jung is nothing like me. He has a family. He is happy. He is successful. His pretty smile makes me doubt if I'm correctly judging him or not. If I am wrong then he will be badly hurt knowing that I was imagining his relationship with my mom. Though I am confident with my intuitions, I don't want to think of him as a culprit. Neither do I want to think him as a doctor nor like a friend. Today I want to think him as a guy. A loyal, cheerful man.

I focused at him when he turned on the radio. His body started vibing with the rhythm.

'A broken heart is all that's left. I'm still fixing all the cracks. Lost a couple of pieces when I carried it, carried it, carried it home.'

He increased the volume and I got to hear his vocals, "I'm afraid of all I am. My mind feels like a foreign land. Silence ringing inside my head. Please carry me, carry me, carry me home."

I looked in his direction once again and he just seemed an absolute epitome of music. Never knew that an artist or better say a vocalist was hidden inside the white coat.

He continued, "I've spent all the love I saved. We were always a losing game. Small town boy in a big arcade. I got addicted to a losing game."

I gulped at how powerful his vocals felt in these lyrics. I have never seen him enjoying something with so much love. He sang from his heart which was not only visible in his voice but also in his eyes.

I joined him and we together hyped the song with the high notes, "Oh-Oh...."

Our eyes met and we started at each others soul through the intermixing voices which together made a beautiful song.

My hands touched the gear and he placed his hand over mine. He held it tightly, pulled with full force and changed the gear. The speed increased and car started moving more smoothly.

"All I know, all I know. Loving you is a losing game."