Constant smile - shinso x kaminari

Chapter Eleven

"So Kaminari, I assume you know why you're here but there's also something else I want to talk to you about." Denki didn't hear Aizawa, his mind had wandered off into thinking about what happened at lunch. 'Why did Shinso hold my hand? Friends do that right? He definitely doesn't like me, no one could like me. Why did I have to react like that? Dad would have beat me bad if he ever found out I liked boys. It isn't bad right? "Kaminari." Denki looked up at Aizawa. "Mm?" "Am I that boring that you can't pay attention?" Denki nervously looked at his hands. "N-no sir I was just thinking about something." Aizawa continued with a semi bored tone. "Here's your phone, don't go on it in my class again or you won't see your phone again." Denki fidgeted with his nails, knowing what was coming next. "What I wanted to actually talk to you about was the possibility of therapy." Aizawa's voice got a lot softer. "You don't have to fight your battles on your own, there's good help available." Denki nodded and tried to give Aizawa a small smile but he looked a little pained. "An old friend of mine has a practice that's 10 minutes from UA so if it's fine by you your first session should be two days from now. Oh and Shinso talked to me and told me that you wanted him to come along to the sessions, that's fine by me." Denki gave Aizawa a grateful smile. "Thank you sir I think I will go but I don't know about shinso because I left the cafeteria after we were in a really awkward situation and I-" Aizawa cut Denki off. "Don't worry about it, if you talk to him I'm sure you'll work it out. You guys are good friends." Aizawa gave Denki a rare smile as Denki stood up and left. Back in class Denki avoided Hitoshi. Although he agreed with Aizawa's advice he was still nervous about talking about what happened. When the final bell rang Denki saw Hitoshi walk out of the room with a bored face, they locked eyes for less than a second but Denki saw the small bit of hurt buried deep in his indigo eyes. Denki, feeling guilty that he hurt Hitoshi, grabbed his stuff and walked back to the dorms to try and find Hitoshi but also get ready for the slumber party.

Hitoshi walked towards his dad's office, he was curious to find out what Denki and Aizawa had talked about. Hitoshi walked into the teachers offices but it seemed like his dad had already left. He walked back to his room, Hitoshi would have to clear up the awkwardness of lunch. Thinking about it he blushed remembering how close their faces were. Hitoshi shook the thoughts from his mind, put his cool calm confident facade and opened the dorm room door.

Denki fell back on his bed and sighed. His day had been exhausting with math first period, the talk with Aizawa and avoiding Hitoshi (who Denki admitted he had missed his calming presence but wouldn't admit he missed his voice.) He didn't know where Hitoshi went so he ran things over in his head about how he would talk to hitoshi, eventually the dark thoughts seeped back in.

He doesn't care if you avoid him, he didn't even try to talk to you.

'That's because I ran away from him everytime he tried.'

No one would care if you died

'Please..stop.'

You deserved what your dad did to you

Denki hit his breaking point and started shouting. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP." He sat up and hugged his knees to his chest with his hands clamped over his ears.

You're worthless, why won't you die already.

"SHUT UP!" Denki's sobbed louder and pressed his trembling hands harder on the sides of his head.

die

Denki rocked back and forward harder, whispering shut up over and over again. Suddenly he felt warmth surround him, he latched onto the warm figure and sobbed into it. Denki heard whispers of sweet nothings from, what seemed to be, a far away place. Denki calmed down and leaned into the warm figure more, only occasionally sniffling. The figure layed down with him, running their hands through Denki's hair. Denki opened his eyes to look at Hitoshi. He wasn't extremely surprised but he was majorly embarrassed. Hitoshi chuckled at Denki's flustered face which resulted in Denki burying his head in Hitoshi's shoulder again. Denki realised Hitoshi would probably find this weird because he was his friend so Denki stood up and sat at his desk. Side note, His self control wasn't great when hitoshi hugged him like that. "Hey Kami, would you be comfortable telling me what triggered your panic attack?" Denki turned his gaze to Hitoshi who looked at him with kind eyes, making Denki feel a little more at ease. "I uh was just thinking about somethings." Hitoshi hoped it wasn't what he thought it was. "Like what?" "Oh, just um..things." Hitoshi looked at Denki sceptically. "You can tell me Kami." Denki rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his hands. He quietly mumbled, "I don't want to be a burden." Hitoshi rushed over to Denki and stood above him with his hands on Denki's shoulders. "You will never be a burden to me Kam." Hitoshi lifted Denki up from his chair. "Never ever, not until I die." Denki gave him a small grateful smile, "You're a really good friend Shin." Hitoshi noticed Denki sounded a little pained, he was confused as to why but didn't press him about it. "So what were you thinking about?" Denki grimaced as he came back to reality about the conversation's point. "I was thinking about killing myself." Hitoshi's eyes widened although Denki was very quiet he heard it, "What." Denki stared at his shoes intently. "I said I was-" Denki was cut off by Hitoshi wrapping his arms around the yellow boy. 'It's just a friendly hug, he doesn't like me. Who could like me.' Denki's own thoughts made his eyes water but he wrapped his arms around Hitoshi's torso. "Kam I..I'm sorry if-if I added to any stress or w-wanting to kill yourself." Denki looked at Hitoshi's face and saw a few tears falling down his face. "Hey hey hey, don't be sad about it and anyways you're the person who always there to drown out the thoughts." Denki smiled at Hitoshi who gave a small smile in return. "I feel like you're another person when you're around other people Shin, does that mean I'm cracking your walls?" Denki smiled mischievously, Hitoshi rolled his eyes, smiling too, and let Denki go. "Maybe. But Kami promise me one thing if you ever feel like killing yourself again, find me or ring me or something. Promise?" Denki nodded his head, "Pinkie promise." They linked pinkies. "Alright let's get ready for the slumber party." Denki groaned and Hitoshi laughed. "What's so bad about it?" "Minnnaa." Hitoshi laughed again. Denki looked at him, he was glad to have a friend to tell about the important stuff. Even if he was only going to be his friend and nothing more, Denki was happy.

For the first time in a long time.

A/n - kind of a filler chapter but the next one's gonna be better, hopefully. 

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