Russian Roulette: Family secrets [2021 version]

Ch. 8: As in go love himself?

"It's complicated," Mackenzie desperately cried out, hoping he would let it go.

"Why? Do you have a boyfriend?" Gareth said it as a joke to lighten the conversation, but when he saw how Mackenzie hesitated, he tensed in jealous anger.

Like a storm cloud of pure havoc, Gareth backed Mackenzie up against the wall and held her pinned with his body. "Do. You. Have. A. Boyfriend?"

Mackenzie felt the wall against her back, and it felt a lot softer than the man pushing her against it. He was hard and unyielding, his eyes screamed bloody murder and held her in a relentless grip. He wanted an answer, and he would know if she lied to him. She knew if she said yes, he would pull away from her and leave her right then and there, knowing she had lied to him, and then he would make her pay. But if she said no, he would want to know the reason why she could not be his friend, or lover for that matter.

Both dangerous with Gareth's temper.

"No, Gareth. I don't," Mackenzie whispered, knowing the truth would land her in a world of trouble.

Hopefully less than if she had lied.

Gareth would never admit it to her, but he had held his breath and prepared himself for the red-hot, blinding fit of jealousy he would have entered if she had said yes. He breathed out, letting her words soothe him from the rage ready to consume him. Like rain on a fire, her words helped fizzle out the worst of it.

Then the other part of it returned to him. She did not want him in her life. That was basically what she had said when she proclaimed they could not be friends.

Why?

He knew he had messed up and hurt her four years earlier, and he was ready to grovel and make amends for that before she could go back to trusting him and becoming his. Nothing at all between them seemed extreme, and there had to be a reason.

"Then what?" Gareth grabbed her chin between his thumb and index finger. "Tell me honestly that you don't feel this electricity between us."

A softness came to Mackenzie's face. "Of course, I feel it. I loved you once. I'll always feel something for you."

Everything in him hated how she talked in the past tense. Not that he needed her to love him now, though the person he had thought her to be was a person who loved for life.

It was not an ego thing; it was just who he had observed her to be. A woman so deeply intertwined with her feelings that when she gave her heart, it would be only once and last forever. The fact that she had given it to him, sadly, said a lot about her judgment.

He had never deserved her love.

"And what do you feel now?"

Say love...

Say love.

Say love!

One word would set him free. If she still felt it, he could adjust to win her. He would become worthy somehow. Then she would give herself to him. He would make it his life's mission to convince her. If she still felt something.

"Desire."

Gareth grew instantly hard at that tiny, very loaded word. Surely, not what he had hoped for.

It was a start.

They would take the long route. Yet, no matter the twists and turns, the end destination would always be the same. Though, frustrating as all hell, he could work with that.

"For the love of God. I can't fucking win with you, can I? You don't want me or my friendship, but you tell me plainly that you feel a desire for me. What can I do then?"