Only a Lion's Love

Part 23

[ phil's pov ]

Day after day, the pain got more severe just having to wake up. I called Dan so often.. He was to busy with his new boyfriend to even notice.

I've heard Chrid and Pj try and get in my apartment the last couple days. This place looks like a alcohol liquoir store, they can't come in. They'll make me get help, but I can fix this. I can fix this.

I moved the sofa against the door a couple nights ago, making it impossible to even shove down the door. I can't brake more people, I simply can't. So I can't make contact with them.. I need to protect them.

The voices in my head kept growing larger and larger each day. One is telling me, I am doing the right thing, pushing them far away. My only friend is the blade. But recently; I've had some new voices. They help me know when I should vomit the alcohol burning in my stomach. Pj, Chris, and especially Dan would never talk to me again, if I looked like the faggot I am. I need to be thin- faggots are fat- So I need to be slender.

The mewest of all voices.... it seems to be like a guide or savior. It's leading me to hell- the place I belong, but I try to ignore it- for the voice reminds me of Daniel- the boy I so severely broke. The fans wouldn't like it if I were to be gone.. but sometimes I just need to be happy- and this can make me happy forever right?

I had began to shake violently in the bathroom at these thoughts. I can't kill myself- the pain is going to go away.Right?

____

It was about 30 minutes later, I awoke from my drunken slumber, to a pounding on the door. Didn't Pj and Chris realize, I'm only trying to save them too?

But then the voice of an angel was heard crying my name. "Phil-" but the voice in my head came back-

"He's only trying to take you away. They want you dead- they've pitied you do mych, they just want to see you rot for themselves... "

" Phil they all pity you- don't you see? Your fans just wish you shut off the camera already- it's been almost 10 years since you did videos to what- help yourself? What a pathetic waste you really are.."

"There's a reason your father and friends hate you- you are a mistake. No one wishes to be caught in you game of life- for it's only a jail card..... Phil why don't you set them all free? Free of burden- Free of misery?"

" Phil if you come with me, hell will only be all the more enjoyable.. You'd be doing them all a favor and do it noe before they get in.... what do you say Phil? Are you ready to help them out of the trap you put them into? Or be the pathetic emo trash you always have been?" I slowly began to stepped towards the kitchen table. I grabbed a chair, and pulled its under the lamp hook from the ceiling.

This will be great.

I stumbled into my room, and grabbed the rope laying on my desk.

I'm doing them all a favor.

I took the rope and fiddled the straw material through my fingers.I slowly tied a noose between my shaky hands.

The pain is almost gone.

I lifted it over my neck, and put the top of the metal hook. I looked at the door, blocking me from the people I hurt the most. My hands began to shake, tears barely slipping out my eyes.

"Phil-" Bear began to pound on the door.

I can't hurt you anymore Dan, there's no need to be sad.

I thought as I pushed the chair out from under my feet, crashing beneath me; as I went swinging in the air.