groupie; afi

nine

Somehow I managed to sleep through the rest of yesterday. I'm not complaining however. I didn't really want to see any of the boys. I check the schedule and it looks like we will have to stop again sometime soon. Usually, I'd be excited to get out of this small area. But, I'm just not feeling it right now.

I take a shower to try and relax myself. The hot water running down my body and calming my muscles always helps. I think about everything that's happened the past few days. It's been so chaotic. I knew that this wouldn't be the most stress-free job but I didn't expect it to be like this. I wash my hair out with the intention to scrub out the moments that I regret most, which where any that I've had with Calum or Luke. I don't regret what I did with Michael. I just wish I hid it better.

     I get out of the shower and observe myself in the mirror. The hickeys that Michael left are almost faded away. My stomach grumbles since it's been so long since I last ate anything. I get dressed in some grey sweatpants and a hoodie.

     I only have two thoughts that are competing for the spotlight in my mind. Vivian and Ashton. I miss Vivian so much. She crosses my mind sometimes when it gets quiet. Maybe she's changed her mind? I don't know.

     And Ashton, I think about him most times. He probably couldn't tell based off my actions. I care about him so much yet I act like he means nothing. I wish I was better to him. He's been one of my only friends this whole time.

     Without much thought, I grab my phone.

     Me: Hey Vivian. Listen, I know what you said but I need you now more than ever. Give me a call sometime? I love you.

     I reread the text before I send it.

     I hope they answer. I need them.

     My stomach grumbles again. I really don't want to go back out to where everyone is. The thought of seeing them is stressing me out. But, I have to. I'd feel like even more of an asshole if I texted Ashton to bring me something.

     I look down at the ground as I walk, trying to avoid eye contact. I make it to the fridge and someone is already there. I stand there quietly and wait.

     "Hey Natalie. Are you okay?" A familiar voice says.

     "Yeah, I'm okay," I mumble, looking up. Of course, it had to be Ashton.

     "I'm just making sure. You seem off," He says, smiling.

     "I've just felt off, I guess. But, I need to explain something to you. What you saw with Luke was-" I say but Ashton starts shaking his head.

     "Don't worry about it. I can't get mad at you for that," He says, his mood obviously going down.

     "I just don't want you to think I meant anything by that kiss. Because I didn't. To be honest, I don't even like him that much," I say. I'm getting nervy so words start spilling out.

     "I know. Just doing your job, right?" Ashton says, walking off before I can respond.

Weird. He's definitely upset with me.

Ashton's POV:

I don't know why I walked off, I wanted to talk to Natalie. I just couldn't look at her without being reminded of Luke's lips pressed against hers. It shouldn't bother me but it does. I think it could be because I had just kissed her earlier that same day. I don't know. I'm just confused but I'll get over it.

It isn't long until we have to unload off the bus now. I pack up my stuff the night before so I'm never rushed the days we have to leave. I usually hang out in the lounge area until we finally get to our stop during times like this.