Forest // Changlix

Chapter 15

{Third person}

Everyone went home and decided to meet at the hospital the next day at about 3pm.
Of course they didn't let Felix go back to the house in the forest on his own. It was a place he probably never wanted to visit, and the blood filled bathroom also wasn't something he should see again.
Seungmin and Hyunjin took him with them to their house.

Felix barely even stopped crying, but then realized he would have to go to sleep without his boyfriends warm cuddles, and the crying started all over again.
He rembered what Changbin said in his song

"Like a streetlight, like a streetlight
In the middle of the lonely night, I still just look bright
At the end of a lonely
day, standing vacantly In the middle of the lonely night, I try my best to smile brightly"

Those nights he hugged Felix to sleep, he was hurting but trying his best to smile for the sake of Felix' happiness. He felt alone like no one understood what he was going through, but he still smiled so everyone else is happy.

"I don't want anyone to see how incredibly weak I am
To the people who relied on me that's a contradiction,
Acting strong, acting like I'm not hurting, acting like nothing is wrong,
I just wanted to be someone elses strength, I can't be the reason that they lose strength.
I don't have the courage to make "you can rely on me" the other way around."

Changbin always helped his brothers and never asked for anything back. He made sure everyone wasn't hurting without ever looking at himself. Never showing his weaknesses, always acting like he's happy himself, not showing his other side. All those times he comforted Felix, he was in pain himself, but stayed strong for the people around him.

"A bandaid over a wound will always fall I put this on in a rush but it really fell off quickly.
The rain water pools on top of this worn roof, and it knows me all too well slipping in through all the cracks.
I need someone before I collapse, ask me again if I'm okay, please, anybody"

Changbin thought he was over everything that happened with Jackson years ago. He made rushed decisions, and fell, his past catching up with him, hitting his exact weak spots. Everyone tried giving him time before talking, but maybe all he needed was an "are you okey?"

"my shoulders are now drooping even further, but who cares?
I can't let it out, I can't let it all out, and the pain I couldn't let out starts blaming myself.
When I keep breathing in this stale air it goes beyond being uncomfortable and I'm left gasping for air"

He blamed himself for everything that happened to him. He blamed himself for the feelings he had and everything that came with them. It was his fault for being too weak to resist the pain wasn't it? Each time he would try to get out of this hole Jackson pushed him in, something else would push him back down.

Felix thought about all of that as he layed between Seungmin and Hyunjin, them hugging him, trying to make him stop crying. He didn't want to be a burden to his friends, they needed sleep and rest, but Felix couldn't help it. He couldn't stop. It hurt so much.
He asked himself if he could ever tell Changbin that he loves him, if he could ever hug him or even just say goodbye. The doctors said he was stable, but what if something happens over night? What if he never gets to see Changbin again?
These questions and pictures of his boyfriend laying unconsciously with blood around him, and the way his body looked, kept on hunting Felix during the cold night.

In the end after many hours and pain, he cried himself to sleep.

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Next day, Seungmin and Hyunjin somehow made Felix get out of bed and change into some of Seungmins clothes. It was like he lost every meaning in life, not having a reason to live anymore. He lost his parents first, and now maybe even the person he loves the most?
It took them ages to make Felix eat a few bites for breakfast and later lunch. They didn't want to force him, but he had to eat at least something, they couldn't let him starve himself again.