Something In Between: Sequel to On The Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 31

My mind fluttered to the set of Russian nesting dolls my Nana had given me as a child. They fit together perfectly, as a family should. Shouldn't one of my goals, part of my path, be finding a family that fits easily? And if that was a goal, shouldn't how easily I fit with Billy achieve a goal?

"I want to be with you so badly; it makes me second-guess everything in my life." I had never admitted it to Billy before, but it just spilled out of me. I always feared it would hurt him, but he seemed different now, as though he understood the jumble in my head that I was still desperately sorting.

Billy let a hand smooth over my hair. "Do you still like your classes?"

"Yeah, I have a class on Russian Lit next semester. I'm excited about it." I gave little thought to my answer. All my life choices were still being questioned.

"And Portland? You still love Portland?"

"Of course, it's the best; the food, the ocean, even the cobblestone streets that make me twist my ankle at least twice a year. It's my home; I love it." Annoyance flared at his benign questions.

"How's your dad? Any chess matches lately?" His hand gently settled on my hip as his lips tickled my forehead. He finished with the press of a kiss on my forehead.

"We played yesterday before I headed out. He won, of course. We listened to The Doors. I hadn't listened to them in so long. It was nice to relive the albums." My annoyance was easing to the comfort of Portland and chess matches with my dad.

"Job search?" His head nestled into the pillow as he let his eyes scan my face as we conversed.

I sighed. "I'm prepped. I have this huge spreadsheet with all the companies I'm interested in and if they have a role I want or if I'm just making a general application. When I get back, I'll start sending out the applications. I'm nervous. What if no one wants me, or I can't find anything I want?"

"You will." He tucked a tendril of hair behind my ear. "What kind of places are you looking at? What kind of positions?"

"I've been focusing more on reputation and culture than industry, unless the industry is a total non-starter for me. Have you ever heard of an ESOP?"

He heaved himself up so he sat more, but still had me blanketing him and reached for his coffee. The groggy sleep was gone, and his focus was entirely on me. "I haven't. Is that an acronym?"

"Yeah, it means employee stock option program; basically, the company is fully or partially employee-owned."

"Really? That's kind of cool." He took a long sip of his coffee while letting his free hand comb through my hair.

"Yeah, I've found a few companies that are ESOPs. It just seems like a great culture; everyone invested and working to a common goal versus the corporate rat race of just working on getting ahead."

He smiled. "What kind of roles are you applying to at these companies?"

"Anything that I can; customer service, reception, marketing admin. I spent a lot of time on my cover letter and did a lot of research on the companies to personalize them, so I'm hoping my application doesn't just end up in the pass pile."

"They'd be crazy to pass on you." Billy kissed the top of my head.

"I think you might be a little partial." As I teased, I tapped his chest. "I signed up for a mentor program as well. There's this cool Women in Business program that pairs graduating students with established professional women. I hope I get a total girl boss. Sam connected me with the recruiter at his company, and she said the program was killer." I pushed off his chest to look him in the eyes. "How cool would it be if, in like ten years, I was a girl boss with my own mentee?"

Billy gave me a satisfied smile.

"What?" I fell back to his chest.

"For someone second-guessing everything in her life, you seem to have a lot going for you; school, family, beginning a career, girl-boss aspirations." There was a contented tease in his voice.

"You sound smug, considering all that is at the expense of our relationship." I felt myself getting pulled back to the swirl of him. The dizziness made me cling harder to his thick frame.

The dull thud of his coffee mug hitting the nightstand was the only sound before his arms wrapped me up again. "Our relationship seems fine to me. Lil, you're always you; that's why I love you. You don't want someone to hand you the things you want; you don't want the easy path." He kissed the top of my head as I curled deeper into him. "Yes, selfishly, I'd love you to be within arm's reach at all times, but if you were, you wouldn't be you, and then I wouldn't love you."

"Ugh, can you not be perfect?" I tapped his chest again in playful annoyance.

"It's a blessing and a curse." He pulled me higher on his chest as he sunk into the pillow.

"What happened to you and Sarah?" I settled my head on his shoulder and watched his neck muscles twitch with every slight move.

Billy's chest heaved at the sudden change of topics. "We just weren't right, I guess." I let his words linger in the air to see if he would say more, but he didn't elaborate.

"Wait, you were going to tell me about Tim and Tess!" The sudden need for the update raised my voice louder than necessary.

"Oh right, he has a whole New Year's Eve plan. He wanted to wait until it was a smaller circle of friends."

"She's going to say yes. I mean, she has stuck with him for well over a year. If she were going to run from his crazy, she would've by now." I rested my chin on his chest so I could meet his eyes.

"I know this, and you know this, but Tim doesn't seem to think it's such a lock." Billy let a finger twitch my nose as he spoke.

"That's probably a good thing. If he didn't feel like she was too good for him, she wouldn't be good enough for him. Love is about a leap of faith."

"Very true," Billy murmured.

"I'm sorry." I let my face fall to his chest.

"You have nothing to apologize for." He smiled, but no dimples pricked his cheeks.

"Oh, I forgot," I admitted, eager to change the conversation.

"What?" There was a low level of panic in his voice.

"Your mom is making French toast. We should probably get downstairs before Tim eats it all." I winced at the idea that we may already be too late.

"Shit, get off me." He playfully tossed me off him and popped up. I watched him tug on a t-shirt before he turned to extend a hand to me. I took it and let him pull me up to his side. As easy as the snow falling outside, our lips met for a soft, warm kiss. As quickly as it happened, it was over, and we were heading downstairs hand in hand, but it wasn't just the two of us; Sam was suddenly at the front of my mind.