The Alphabet of Breaking Hearts

1

If given a chance to remove a day in the year, what would it be and why would I remove February 14?

No specific answer, just pure... disgust.

Araw ng mga Puso, my ass.

Series of stories about the origin of Valentine's Day circulated around the world and under certain circumstances, it was even associated with the death of people.

Now, what's so romantic about dying and the connection in love? I sometimes think people are so bored that they start to figure out every single event relates to something great.

Why would people shed light only for that specific day in loving someone or whatever love idiocy they believe? Why can't they just do it in every single day of their lives?

It's not like their time is limited or they are dying, anyway.

If you think this fuss started on failed relationships or being bitter over a guy or something, screw your assumptions. On why I'm not being a sad and hopeless girl in love, let me count you three reasons:

One, I have a handful of boyfriend's-to-be lining up.

And don't worry, hindi sila nakapila para lang sa wala. They take turns in being my lover but there's no feelings attached. Come on, act smart sometimes. There's a lot of guys out there and sticking to one over a long period of time doesn't make sense to me.

Two, I'm too pretty to get dumped.

Girl, you should have no time in crying over a guy if you want to give justice for the image God has given you. I managed to get into this shithole of Earth without them so what difference would it be if they leave? Men are irrelevant for your existence and one guy barely doesn't mean something big.

"Baby, your phone's ringing," a voice whispered in my ear. Dahan-dahan kong nilingon ang nagsalita at agad na umiwas no'ng napansin kong unti-unti nang nagdidikit ang mga balat namin.

I stopped writing and remained silent for a while. The caller's name displayed the most annoying best friend I had. "Sagutin ko lang."

Akma na akong tumayo para humanap ng pwesto nang hinila niya ang kamay ko, "You'll be back. I know this isn't the end for us, right?" It wasn't even a question. He stated it himself like he was so sure of it.

Mahina kong pinuwersa ang kamay kong makabitiw sa pagkakahawak niya. He's lucky I hadn't talk up to now.

"We've been together for two weeks already, I assume you have adapted with my existence in your life. You should have... love me by now. Wow," Tumawa siya ng mahina na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala sa sinasabi niya.

Well, it's truly unbelievable for someone like me to love. And his company so far was strangely calm, I couldn't say anything. As the saying goes on, if it's too good to be true, then it's not.

Not to mention I just heard the forbidden word that made the insides of me recoil.

Stupid love.

I first had a deep breath and faced him. "Samuel, I had fun and it was nice to have you around. But we're done. Stay away from me," I grabbed my backpack and immediately left the place where typical couples hang around.

Somewhere in the city where plaza's were created and trees grew big along with the green grass. Perfect for staying under the shade of the sun and, oh, cuddling.

Running would be useful at this moment pero hindi ko na kayang ilagay pa sa peligro ang buhay ko. I briskly walked away from him when I thought he'd chase me. Instead, I heard him shout in a distance.

"For your information, I'm Xavier! At hindi naman talaga kita mahal!  Maganda ka lang, pero mapapalitan din kita!" It was all I managed to hear with his voice fading. I couldn't help but give a sly grin all the way forward.

Aw, he was Xavier then. Never thought my list went to boys with 'X' names already. Akala ko nasa 'S' pa ako. My phone beeped and I received a text from her saying she was just around the corner.

After minutes of walking, nakarating ako sa parking lot at nanatiling nakatayo. I didn't feel the need to search for her because I knew she would find me first.

"Now, where's your guy? What letter are you now?" sulpot niya sa likod.

"Who would have thought nasa X na ako? Should I apologize for accusing him of being an S? What do you think?" Umiling pa siya bago tumalikod at nanatili akong nakasunod ako sa kaniya papunta sa sasakyan.

"You are unbelievable. Akala ko magiging true love mo na 'yan! Achievement mo na ang pagtagal ng 2 weeks, please lang. Back to zero na naman," I can sense the hope in her reaching pit bottom.

"Back to 'A'," I corrected.

Umirap lang siya at iniba ang usapan. "Natapos mo na ba ang assignment natin? Yung tanong ni Prof. na 'If given a chance to remove a day in a year, what would it be and why...' keneme? Ano sagot mo?"

"Yeah, Feb. 14." tipid kong sagot at pumasok sa sasakyan.

Pumasok din siya sa driver's seat at nilingon ako saglit. "Why would you want to make your birthday non-existent?"

I eyed her like she knows the answer. "You know I don't mean it like that," pagsisinungaling ko.

"Yeah, whatever, heartless girl." I slightly laughed at her last response. Kinuha ko ulit ang notebook sa bag at pinagpatuloy ang pagsusulat.

Three, it was when a girl named Nayeli Amorétte Santiago was born.

Ironic how my parents named me after different translations of 'love' and how I'm incapable of doing it. Love requires a heart and I clearly don't qualify for it.

Babaeng ipinanganak sa Araw ng mga Puso pero walang puso, makes my life a joke.

People assume there's some heart-wrenching love story I had in the past that made me like this; some typical plot in a movie where girls hold grudges.

But the thing is,

I can't be heartbroken and I will never be.

What's there to break when I have no heart, in the first place?

Who am I to love when a metal is incapable of?

I walk around and hear them whisper about me being the "Heartless Heartbreaker", but they didn't know how literal that was.

A heartless girl, both figuratively and literally.

'What's up, Nayi? How's your heart doing? Just don't forget to breathe and avoid stress at all times to keep your artificial heart at work. Your donor might be on their way, hang on darling.' basa ko ng paulit-ulit sa text ng family doctor namin.

I wish I wasn't born when I could count the days and plan ahead my life and death.

But I know, more than an existence, I wanted to experience a real heartbeat once again.

Because more than a heartbeat, I wanted to break his heart, too...