A Heart That Loves... (Arshi FF)

Chapter 32

"Khushi... I... I didn't mean to... I... I just..." Arnav struggled to come up with the right words. "I just needed space to thin–"

"Space? Space?" The word felt like a stab in her heart. "You didn't seem to need your 'space' when you were hell-bent on marrying me that day? You didn't seem to need your 'space' when we became one? You didn't seem to need your 'space' when you were telling me that you loved me day before yesterday. So where did this sudden need for space come from?"

Hurt and anger are never a good combination. And Arnav's words had triggered both of these and she started spewing words that she didn't mean... Normally Khushi would have stayed calm and listened to what he had to say. She would have given him love, care, and assurance that she would be with him no matter what. But after what she'd gone through in the past 24 hours, she just couldn't do that.

At least before, Arnav had outright told her that he would never love her or marry her. But now, after marrying her, telling her that he loved her, showing her what it felt like to be loved, he trampled on her hopes. And this time Khushi could not take it – she was at her saturation point.

"And what do you need to 'think' about exactly? Whether this relationship is right for you? Whether you want to stay in this marriage or not? Or whether you actually love me or not? Did none of this occur to you when you were in such a hurry to marry me? Why is it now, when I've given you everything, my heart, body and soul, you need time to 'think'?'" Khushi lashed out.

Seeing the relationship, they'd built brick by brick, starting to topple over, Arnav couldn't hold himself back any longer. "Khushi my Maa committed suicide when I was 14," he choked out.

Khushi who was spewing words of anger, froze completely.

***

"In front of my very eyes Khushi... I watched her die and I was absolutely helpless," Arnav's voice broke.

He let go of her hands which he had been holding tightly against his chest. He looked away as the horrendous images tortured him once more, his eyes shutting tightly.

"That agonised look in her eyes when she looked at me, seconds before the life left her, her flailing legs, that moment she... she stilled... I..." Arnav's eyes were red, his voice breaking several times as he tried to get the words out. Yet there was not a single tear in his eyes.

Khushi couldn't hold herself back any longer. All her anger, hurt, pain, everything seemed meaningless seeing her husband in this state.

Instantly, she crawled into his lap, her knees on either side of his thighs as she faced him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, pulling him closer, giving him all her warmth and strength.

"Shhhhh, don't," she said, tears falling down her own cheeks as she tried to comfort him.

Arnav wrapped his arms around her back tightly as he buried his face in the crook of her neck as he tried to ward off the images that were tormenting him.

"Her neck... It was red... She was struggling to breathe Khushi... She... She couldn't..." Arnav continued, as if in a trance.

Khushi pulled him closer to herself helplessly, wanting to protect him from the world... But how could you protect him against his own demons... memories...?

"She looked at me Khushi... As the life left her, she looked at me... Her eyes were wide open... I was screaming and crying for her but she l-l-left... And I couldn't do anything..."

"Shhh you don't have to do this," Khushi rubbed his back, holding him as close as possible.

Just hearing his words made her insides quiver – how would he have felt witnessing his own mother committing suicide? He was only a 14 year old boy then – he was supposed to be having fun with friends and enjoying life at that age... But instead he had witnessed something so heart-wrenching – she could only imagine the fear, the helplessness, the pain he must have gone through... If only she could have been by his side...