𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐒

13

Chapter 13
A Girl

"Excuse me" I raised my hand. "Can I go to the bathroom" I asked. "Sure, Alex" the teacher said. I got up and dragged myself to the door. I was feeling really dizzy. So it was hard for me to walk. My head was aching baldy and I was clearly running a fever. My body was overheating. Making me sweat bullets. I was starting to become delusional too. I started to hyperventilate as I began to lose air in my lungs. I closed my mouth to force slower breathing. One step after another. I felt my condition getting worst.
'You're almost there' I told myself.

I should've stayed sitting down but I needed fresh air. Plus I was tired of suffering in silence in that classroom. I felt like I was holding back tears. I held onto the lockers and walls as I made my way to the nearest bathroom. I didn't know if it was the girls or the boys room but I was sure it was a bathroom. I didn't care which one it was either. But for my luck it was the right one. No one was here to interrupt me either. I went over to the sink and splashed the cold tap water onto my face. "Get it together" I told myself. I made a cup out of my hands and watched the water fill up. I took a small sip before splashing my face again. I shook the water out of my sweaty hair and wiped my eyes. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had eye bags that dragged for miles. My skin was really pale like a vampire. My lips dry and cracked. My nose stuffy and red. My aura was completely off. I lifted my hoodie and stared at my stomach for a minute. As long as my body's right, I chuckled at my thoughts. I turned off the faucet and walked over to the napkin dispenser. I took two and blew my nose. Doing that gave me more of a headache. I threw it in the trash and walked to one of the stalls. I sat down on the toilet seat and put my head on the black and white painted wall. The wall was cold so it helped my head.

I need to get myself together I thought.

This sick shit isn't gonna do it for me. I feel so pathetic right now.
Is it because i've been doing nothing but eating small amounts of food?
Then burning the entire meal off. I haven't been sleeping right either. Maybe I'm just telling myself that to cover up the fact that I'm literally losing my fucking mind over a girl.

A girl who couldn't care less about what I was doing right now. A girl who's selfish. A girl who's unaware and has no regard of what happens to her. A girl who doesn't give a fuck. A girl who can't give a fuck. A girl who doesn't even have a place to call home. A girl who I wanted to give a place to call home. A girl who I didn't look at in complete utter disgust. A girl who was so perfect in my eyes. A girl who could make me laugh in the matter of seconds. A girl who I wanted to call my friend. A girl I wanted to be around all day. A girl I couldn't get bored of. A girl who stayed on my mind all day. A girl who had so much potential. Potential to be so much more with me. A girl that I would be thinking of right now. A girl that I would be thinking of the next day and the day after that. The girl who I've thought about plenty of days before that. A girl who I've made a whole self destructive routine around.

My body heat started to feel overwhelming so I took off my hoodie. I held it in my lap as the cold bathroom air hit me. It didn't feel right though. It just made me feel sicker. I put my hoodie back on to warm me up. Maybe I need to sweat this out. Just then I heard the bathroom door open. Followed by the sounds of wheels. It was just the 'end of the day' janitor. "You ok in there" he knocked on the door. "Yeah...I'll be out in a minute" I said. "Alright, just let me know when you're done" he said, and with that he left. I got up and left the stall. I washed my hands and made my way to the office. I was gonna see if I could sign myself out. Even though I'm not 18. I was gonna try to force an early dismissal or at least sit at the nurses for the rest of the day.