Eternally yours// Chris Cerulli

20: What if I'm down? What if I'm out?

-veronica's pov-

It's been a few days and I'm still in the hospital recovering. Code blue gets called out for the nicu, I rush over to the nicu, to see the nurses trying to calm down Chris. I look in to see them trying to revive our son. I lose it and start balling,Chris sees me and rushes to me. I start falling, he holds me and goes down to the ground with me. The doctor comes to get us. He says "i'm sorry but Christopher isn't going to make it. You can go spend his last few moments with him. We get up, and I can barely walk. Chris has to help me walk into the room. We sat by our son on one side. The doctors on the other.

I see the guys standing outside the nicu, Ricky and Vinny are balling. I reach into the incubator, and Christopher wraps his tiny hand around my finger. I whisper with tears streaming down my face "it's ok baby, you can let go. Go be with your grandmother." We watch as he takes his last breath and the doctor says "time of death 10:30 am" I fall into the floor and start weeping.  Chris gets down and holds me.

I get up after about thirty minutes of crying and I can barely walk out. The guys comfort us, the best they can. But it's not hard to tell they are just as depressed as we are. I get out later that day. And we all decided to cancel the rest of the tour since we only had a few shows left. The band decided to announce it on their website and on twitter.

@/Miwoffical: it is with heavy hearts, we are announcing that we are going to have to cancel the rest of the tour. Chris and his wife have lost their child. And we would like to be there with them during this difficult time. Thank you guys for being understanding. Much love -Vinny and Ricky.

Chris and I decided to have our son cremated. The funeral was tomorrow, I haven't spoken to anyone but Chris. I haven't eaten anything either. I never thought I'd outlive my child. But here we are. The day went by fast. Too fast for my liking we headed over to the church where the funeral was being held early, so we could be prepared and talk to the priest. Before I realized it people were showing up. People i haven't seen in years.  I see my father show up, I don't want to fight with him so I just don't say anything. He comes up to me and hugs me. I hug him back. He says "I'm so sorry, mejia, I know how hard this is for you." I say "you do?" he says "yes, your mom and i had a son before you, he didn't make it past the second trimester." I just hugged him and started balling. " i don't want to fight with you anymore. Dad, I need you." I say. He just hugs me tighter.